When to tell an ex about the new partner's past

justme111

So she spent 2 hours walking with him and now she is terrified how she should tell her ex details about her new b/f ?

justme111

I am just offering to babysit any time, and have the little one for sleepovers whenever she wants us to.[/QUOTE]

Lucky she is.. that must be really tough , to see grown up children make mistakes and could do little about it.

paulineb_2

Well all I can say is, I hope your daughter makes the right decision for her

And speaking as someone who worked with people who had drug and alcohol issues for a long time, Ive seen many people addicted, some who came from very wealthy and loving families, some who came from families where they didnt have much of a chance and Ive also worked with young people who are dead now through drugs.

As I said previously Ive also worked with people who overcame addictions and went on to work with people needing support themselves.

It could be anyones husband, sister, brother, son and rather than pick over the bones of whether someone is a current addict or ex addict, maybe we could trust the OP and her daughter to make some positive choices for themselves, the child and the other person concerned and not write someone off as a lost cause because they happened to have an addiction.

And yes, tread very carefully for everyones sakes. But there are a lot of addicts out there, some who have never sought treatment, many in the public eye and many who have had families themselves. I think sometimes addiction is more acceptable to the general public if someone is wealthy/a rock star/model rather than your average person trying to get on with their lives.

Certainly much easier to get treatment if you have the disposable income behind you. Just my view. And every case of addiction is different. Some people function for years taking certain drugs. It takes a lot of guts to seek help and do something about an issue.

gizmo111

I am just offering to babysit any time, and have the little one for sleepovers whenever she wants us to.

And I think that is the best way you can support your daughter and protect your grandaughter, whilst she is building a new safe relationship

Treevo

HurdyGurdy wrote: »

Ok then. Not a current drug user. Is that better?

I didn't say that - I said 'drug addict'. Which is what he is. And if there was nothing wrong with it, your daughter wouldn't be scared to tell her ex of the situation she's putting her child in.

gizmo111

justme111 wrote: »

I am just offering to babysit any time, and have the little one for sleepovers whenever she wants us to.

Lucky she is.. that must be really tough , to see grown up children make mistakes and could do little about it.[/QUOTE]
????

What is tough about looking after your children and grandchildren??

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Honest opinion? From somebody who has been there?


She needs to bail out NOW.

NOW.


NOW.

Has she bailed out yet? No?

Then bail out NOW.

justme111

gizmo111 wrote: »

Lucky she is.. that must be really tough , to see grown up children make mistakes and could do little about it.

????

What is tough about looking after your children and grandchildren??[/QUOTE]

You think there is nothing tough in seeing one's daughter in a position where she would class a couple of meeting with someone who is in rehab as a relationship while having a 2yo child who's father she does not get on with ?

gizmo111

justme111 wrote: »

????

What is tough about looking after your children and grandchildren??

You think there is nothing tough in seeing one's daughter in a position where she would class a couple of meeting with someone who is in rehab as a relationship while having a 2yo child who's father she does not get on with ?[/QUOTE]

Put my posts in order and as they were meant .,.,

FBaby

I think your daughter has things confused. The likely issue with her ex won't be that his daughter is in contact with an ex drug offender, but whether she is safe with him around. And that your daughter would be unable to tell him because as it stands, she has no idea whatsoever.

The fact that he is a drug addict doesn't mean much on its own. What matters is whether he is indeed likely to make rehab useful and stay off drugs forever afterwards. What your daughter and yourself need to realise though is that most people going to rehab fall back to the habit.

To be honest, if it was my own daughter I would be very worried. As a single mum of a young child, she is probably a bit vulnerable. What she needs is to meet someone who can support her, not someone else that she will need to support. I think I would advise my daughter to take things very slowly with anyone she met and considered a relationship with, but that much more with someone who clearly has serious issues. She needs to know him much better before considering anything with him. Knowing him meaning understanding how he got into drugs, why, how long etc...