What age is appropriate for child to play at friend's house?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Pigeongirl wrote: »

I'm aware I may be over-protective of my child so I'm interested in other people's opinions on this!

My son is eight years old and has played at friends' houses when I know the parents but a mum of one of his classmates has asked if he'd like to go and play tomorrow and I'm not sure whether to agree or not.

I have spoken with her a few times and she seems like a nice lady but I don't know her family at all.

I'm terrified that they won't supervise the children properly, that my son will get hurt or worse and then I'd never forgive myself for letting him go.

My son, of course, is desperate to go and doesn't understand my hesitation!

I know I'm a worrier but my son is EVERYTHING to me and I'm terrified of losing him. However, I don't want to stifle him.

Help!

About three years old is a good time for them to start playing with friends.

However, he's got the opportunity now, when he is old enough to definitely know what he wants. Which is to play with his friend/go to tea.

He may very well be everything to YOU, but you would be unfair on him to expect the same in return - he has to learn and grow as a little person.

Let him go, encourage it, invite friends back, have sleepovers, go on school residential trips - you don't want to become the neurotic mother that the adult DS avoids because he can't handle being her everything.



Honestly, he will be fine, especially if you don't let on how much this bugs you.



ETA: I acquired DD2's friend for Friday night with her. DD knows where she lives, I don't. The friend gave her Dad my address and that was all they needed to know, and that it would be me, the girls and the cats. Admittedly, they are 13/14 years old, but that's how things change as children get older.

As most school playground based friendships go, they have to start somewhere - for both parents and children. Inviting your son to come to play is the perfect way to do that.

jellyhead

Pigeongirl wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, they are appreciated.

Without going into too much detail I did have a bad experience as a child and so I think that's made me over-cautious with my son.

I've sent a text to the mum confirming my son will be going to play tomorrow and I'm going to do some gardening to keep busy so I don't worry so much!

It's understandable that your bad experience makes you cautious. As a 7 year old I had a bad experience too, and in the back of my mind I've always had that there, and have never let my own sons out of sight until they were past the age that I was.

You are doing the right thing though. If they are asthmatic it's okay to make sure it's a non-smoking and pet-free house, and if they have food intolerances or whatever you can mention them without sounding neurotic, I think. A few people roll their eyes if I mention lactose intolerance, but I just say well it's your carpet!

I think if the family were heroin addicts or something like that you'd probably be able to tell from the condition the child came to school in. Dog owners usually bring their dogs to school, and if they seem well trained you can probably assume that the owners don't take risks with children and dogs.

I also think it's okay to mention if you don't want him to cross roads unsupervised, etc. because at 8 some children are still day dreaming.

As an overprotective my myself I think I'd probably make the first visit a short-ish one, an get him home for tea, just in case he doesn't like the family or doesn't feel happy there without you.

MarilynMonroe_2

fluffnutter wrote: »

Sounds like you made some bad choices when you were younger. And now you're punishing your daughter for those choices. She deserves a childhood that doesn't carry the legacy of your past.

All kids should have freedom - appropriate to their age and maturity, but freedom nonetheless. It's what makes us adults who can cope with life.

Firstly she's 3, and secondly I said I wouldnt send her to a strangers house without me, and you call that a punishment??

Sounds like you just want to pick my opinion apart

balletshoes

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

Firstly she's 3, and secondly I said I wouldnt send her to a strangers house without me, and you call that a punishment??

Sounds like you just want to pick my opinion apart

but we're talking about when she's 8 aren't we?

MarilynMonroe_2

balletshoes wrote: »

but we're talking about when she's 8 aren't we?

I wouldnt send her to a strangers house at 8 either.
I must be weird like that.

Janepig

balletshoes wrote: »

but we're talking about when she's 8 aren't we?

And it's not a stranger's house, it's a classmate and the OP knows the mother.

Jx