What age is appropriate for child to play at friend's house?

londoniana

Pigeongirl wrote: »

My son is eight years old and has played at friends' houses when I know the parents but a mum of one of his classmates has asked if he'd like to go and play tomorrow and I'm not sure whether to agree or not.

I have spoken with her a few times and she seems like a nice lady but I don't know her family at all.

I'm terrified that they won't supervise the children properly, that my son will get hurt or worse and then I'd never forgive myself for letting him go.!

There's no universal answer on this. It's appropriate for your family whatever you feel it is... and you should trust your instincts when it comes to other parents looking after your child.

My daughter is reception age and she has already had a couple of play dates like that. She made two friends in her class and, while I don't know their families well, I did go to their houses a couple of times and they came to ours.

So I don't see any problem now if my daughter gets picked up from school from one of these mums and plays with her friends until I go pick her up. I also had one of her friends over for an afternoon. I find it normal - you feed them and look after them in the same way you'd look after your kids.

neverdespairgirl

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

If I didnt know the family no way would I be letting my daughter go alone at that age.
I'm probably over protective too but tough, she's my priority. I'd have to know who would be there, would there be dogs, htings like that. These days you cant be too careful. Even back in my day you couldnt be too careful and I ende dup in some dodgey situtations but my parents didnt give a toss were I was.

You know who the people most likely, statistically, to be a risk to a child are?

Family. Starting with mother's partner (if not the child's father) followed swiftly by biological parents, then grandparents and uncles, etc.

Being at a mate's house is almost certainly safer than being at home!

balletshoes

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

Not if we didnt know them no. Just because someone is a parent should you feel safe to send your kids to them? The lady in the OP said she doesnt know them, they are strangers at the end of the day.

the lady in the OP says she's met and spoken to the mum a few times hasn't she? Did you feel you were in danger every time you went on a playdate, from the very first time?

What will you tell your daughter at age 8, when she gets invites to playdates with friends from school and wants to go?

neverdespairgirl

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

My post is based on my own experiences and sorry but you can't be TOO careful. I know all too well.
I'm not about to forget my own upbringing and choices just so my daughter can have 'freedom' willy nilly at such a young age.

Yes, you can definitely be too careful. And that can be damaging, as well as not giving a monkey's.

balletshoes

londoniana wrote: »

There's no universal answer on this. It's appropriate for your family whatever you feel it is... and you should trust your instincts when it comes to other parents looking after your child.

My daughter is reception age and she has already had a couple of play dates like that. She made two friends in her class and, while I don't know their families well, I did go to their houses a couple of times and they came to ours.

So I don't see any problem now if my daughter gets picked up from school from one of these mums and plays with her friends until I go pick her up. I also had one of her friends over for an afternoon. I find it normal -
you feed them and look after them in the same way you'd look after your kids.

exactly how i feel too.

pigpen

You can't be too careful, but you can be too OTT and risking your child growing up unable to function in normal circles because a parent has made them overly and unnecessarily anxious because of their own emotional baggage. We al have issues and crap in our past some worse than others but you cannot force your fears onto a child it is unhealthy for them and run the risk of them becoming totally out of hand in their teens when they realise they are stifled and rebel against those boundaries.. Teaching them to be careful for themselves is part of our job as parents not allowing them to flourish is neglectful.

Children are no more at risk now than they were 100 years ago, it is just the media coverage now which means the information is more widespread.. Do you know where the term 'sweet Fanny Adams' comes from? It is a horrible truth..

Kayalana99

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

You know who the people most likely, statistically, to be a risk to a child are?

Family. Starting with mother's partner (if not the child's father) followed swiftly by biological parents, then grandparents and uncles, etc.

Being at a mate's house is almost certainly safer than being at home!

Now i'm on your side with this to careful lark but I don't think these facts are rev...ofc statics are going to be higher for the parents being most likey to harm a child because they just around them more and tbh most of these people shouldn't have kids in first place. :cool: (or didn't even want them to start with)

Dunroamin

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Now i'm on your side with this to careful lark but I don't think these facts are rev...ofc statics are going to be higher for the parents being most likey to harm a child because they just around them more and tbh most of these people shouldn't have kids in first place. :cool: (or didn't even want them to start with)

These facts are very relevant, "stranger danger" is vastly overestimated - real danger lies much closer to home and in families just like yours and mine.

neverdespairgirl

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Now i'm on your side with this to careful lark but I don't think these facts are rev...ofc statics are going to be higher for the parents being most likey to harm a child because they just around them more and tbh most of these people shouldn't have kids in first place. :cool: (or didn't even want them to start with)

The relevance is that the risk of some stranger kidnapping and murdering your child is statistically irrelevant - the child is far more likely to be struck by lightening, or win the lottery a couple of times.

The figure for child abductions and murders by strangers is not only tiny, it is constant - roughly 2 a year, for a very, very long time.

Spendless

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

Not if we didnt know them no. Just because someone is a parent should you feel safe to send your kids to them? The lady in the OP said she doesnt know them, they are strangers at the end of the day.

They aren't complete strangers. The boy is in the same class or year as her son. They must have enough of a friendship for the other boy to want OP's son to come and play.The Mum she knows slightly from the playground, has talked to slightly and thinks seems ok. What she doesn't know is any other family members who may or may not be around and you really aren't going to get that level of control over who your child meets as they get older.