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Mean with money
Comments
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Person_one wrote: »How could he not be aware? Men don't get a get out of jail free card on being considerate because they have a Y chromosome!
My ex was similar actually. We paid 50/50 when we were earning similar amounts (actually he was on about £300 a month more than me but stupidly I thought he saw all savings as for the long term benefit of both of us).
When I lost my job, he was very resentful of upping his share even though I'd only be on basic JSA because of his income, and expected me to keep track of what my half would have been so I could pay him back when I was earning again! Unsurprisingly I left him before I even left the job.
Some people are fundamentally selfish. Its so ingrained that they aren't ever going to be capable of putting other people ahead of their own interests, no matter how much they might claim to love them. An unselfish, considerate partner would realise that they had a lot more disposable income than their other half and would want to rectify that. A selfish one will just enjoy their money and not worry too much about the other person's struggles.
I'm afraid it sounds like you're with the second type OP.
Well she's been with him for 6 years so he's obviously capable of having a long term relationship. I'm not disagreeing with you, you may be right, who knows, perhaps once she has the conversation with him, she and us will know a lot more about what he actually does think.0 -
Person_one wrote: »You're ignoring the fact that they were earning more than her despite their student status.
It wasn't their bill to pay. Would it have been fair to ask her housemates to pay her phone bill? Same thing in principle.0 -
Well she's been with him for 6 years so he's obviously capable of having a long term relationship. I'm not disagreeing with you, you may be right, who knows, perhaps once she has the conversation with him, she and us will know a lot more about what he actually does think.
He's also supported her before. When she asked. But to some (who are clearly single) anything he does will be reason to get rid. Something about misery liking company.0 -
suburbanwifey wrote: »A girl needs jeans, a man doesn't need a Pokemon card.
Both of these responses clarify exactly what I am saying - that it depends on what is being bought.She hasent takena second job to buy extravagant things or save for some ridiculous pokemon card lmao
If she's buying a reasonably priced, needed pair of jeans then that is ok.
If she's buying a Pokemon card that isn't ok.
Which means it is perfectly reasonable to ask what she is buying.
[But despite that, if people haven't seen what I've written above, I think they need to talk about and change the way they do their finances. It's not fair, as far as I am concerned certainly, that he has more money to spend than she does.]0 -
JimmyTheWig wrote: »Both of these responses clarify exactly what I am saying - that it depends on what is being bought.
If she's buying a reasonably priced, needed pair of jeans then that is ok.
If she's buying a Pokemon card that isn't ok.
Which means it is perfectly reasonable to ask what she is buying.
[But despite that, if people haven't seen what I've written above, I think they need to talk about and change the way they do their finances. It's not fair, as far as I am concerned certainly, that he has more money to spend than she does.]
Theres serious issues if you need to justify your spends out of your own money to Anyone when you are working 2 jobs to pay for it. NO Matter what u are buying.
I dont think its reasonable at all sounds like a rite control freak. ..Ignore reality.There's nothing you can do about it.
I have done reading too!
personally test's all her own finds0 -
Well , theoretically even a pokemon card would be ok ... People should be very careful about feeling justified to criticize the way a so spends his/her money. Smacks of patronizing and disrespect to me and those usually kill relationships.The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0 -
Well , theoretically even a pokemon card would be ok ... People should be very careful about feeling justified to criticize the way a so spends his/her money. Smacks of patronizing and disrespect to me and those usually kill relationships.
Totally agree with you..
The posters who seem to think she should ask her oh before buying a pair of jeans are ridiculous its her own money shes earn it shes free to do as she pleases she pays half the bills cant see what the problem is. Not as if shes expecting her oh to fund her spends.Ignore reality.There's nothing you can do about it.
I have done reading too!
personally test's all her own finds0 -
If that's what you think then that's fine. I'm not bothered that you don't agree with me, just didn't think I was getting my point across very well earlier.
Personally I'd be upset if my wife valued a Pokemon card over time spent together. But if you'd be happy with that that's fine.
I'm not saying that I'd stop her doing it, if that's what she wanted to do. Just that I'd be upset about coming second to something so frivalous.0 -
JimmyTheWig wrote: »If that's what you think then that's fine. I'm not bothered that you don't agree with me, just didn't think I was getting my point across very well earlier.
Personally I'd be upset if my wife valued a Pokemon card over time spent together. But if you'd be happy with that that's fine.
I'm not saying that I'd stop her doing it, if that's what she wanted to do. Just that I'd be upset about coming second to something so frivalous.
Obviously u are bothered otherwise u wouldnt try and convince me im wrong:p
Theres something very wrong when u have to ask someone if you can buy something with your own money or jeans are an frivaloue buy!!!
Her oh is happy for her to struggle doing 2jobs to pay here half of the bills hes not keen that she dosent do a straight half of the house work hes not bothered shes not spending quality time with him just not botbered she might not have time to hover an polish. Then he has more free time so nowt stopping him doing it is there.Ignore reality.There's nothing you can do about it.
I have done reading too!
personally test's all her own finds0 -
Jimmy the wig - I get what you are saying totally. You are merely suggesting that it is ok for either partner in a relationship to check out the balance of time free to spend together vs extra hrs worked to pay for 'stuff'.
OP, it won't be an easy conversation but you need to have a frank and calm conversation with your bf about all these issues because this won't go away. May be he just needs to be taught/shown a different way to see and do things. Men and women can grow and change: sometimes a way of being is just habit that needs to be challenged.I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once0
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