Wedding Help for Indecisive Couple Please!

jlp100

Hi Guys... we are in a bit of a pickle, you know the type where you are trying to please everybody else and you end up getting stressed out :mad:

The deal is me and my chap are getting married in Vegas next year - sorted. We will have about 6 friends with us there. Great.

The other part of it is that my partner's son (who will be 14) will be missing out on the wedding with Vegas being no place for a kid with a group of adults (no other kids are coming).

I don't want him to feel like he is missing out on such a big part of his dad's life so I thought we could married in 'secret' here where his son, his sisters and my mum & dad can attend (none of these can make Vegas so to have the most important people be there would be quite nice & intimate and they are getting the last laugh being at THE marriage). However, its how you go about it on a small intimate business I don't want it to blow up but I'm thinking ahead and not sure what to do after we have the ceremony and not wanting to get the cost getting out of hand. Also if people find out they could have attended here do people get a cob on cos they didn't get invited to this... (my head's gonna pop!).

Neither of us care for the big massive wedding (hence have a laugh and go for it in Vegas - not with Elvis though :rotfl:) but this idea has given us something to mull over, but when thinking over particular details (i'm already thinking ooooh I can't tell my girlies and have a hen night cos they should be at the wedding).... you can see where my head's at (a mess).

(I may not have been completely clear. Me & friends were actually going on holiday to Vegas anyway we have added the wedding while we are there.

The reason it was a special holiday anyway was for a special b'days for a 40th & and a 50th (the birthdays are in August & December and we have decided to go for the holiday in October so I am not actually piddling on anybody's actual birthday... they are birthday celebrations) which they have said they were always going to do. We have been joking around that we will get married while we are there and the OH has said why not...

They are not making special plans to go especially for the wedding... They are there for Vegas.)

We will be having a big party for everybody when we get back from Vegas.

If anybody has any suggestions please let me know. I know you shouldn't worry about everybody else but I do fret and over-think things....

Thank you!!:beer:

stir_crazy

For the intimate do, why don't you have a civil ceremony here in a registry office then a meal at a posh restaurant? Or a humanist ceremony?
The thing you'll need to remember is that to get married here, you need to give notice or have banns read. The latest you could give notice is 15 days before the wedding. So anyone who might have anything to do with council, etc might notice that you have given notice.

lostinrates

Small is wonderful.

I'd be tempted to do the thing as a surprise with such small numbers. Invite them to a 'party' at your house ( so they dress up, though dh wore jeans to our wedding), then have taxis arrive to take them to the registry office and they will work out then what's happening! A meal somewhere you all love afterwards?

mrcow

So are you going to tell the people that are forking out a fortune for Las Vegas that you'll already be married by the time you go there?

You need to. And early on. I'd be really peeved if I'd been deceived about it.

Annisele

An uncharitable reading of your current plan would say you're planning on deceiving all the people closest to you. You've already got to "oh, I can't tell my girlfriends about my wedding".

If you're completely upfront with everybody, I think all is fine.

If you're paying for the Vegas trip, then again I think all is fine - that gives you the right to be somewhat secretive. But if you're not paying, then I agree with mrcow. I'd be very, very upset if I was asked to fork out to to to Vegas for my friend's wedding only to find they were already married!

marisco_2

This is your wedding day, the most special day of your life. My advice is do what you want and dont try to please everyone else. Do be upfront about your plans so as not to cause any ill feeling though. Good friends will wish you well and respect that you are just choosing to do things your way.

My cousin got married a couple of years back. Registry office do in Chelsea for her parents, the grooms parents, my folks, myself and a couple of other cousins. After a beautiful ceremony we all went to a favourite restaurant of the bride and grroms which they had prebooked. There were balloons and wedding paraphanalia around the area where we dined. It was a lovely, relaxed day and we all thoroughly enjoyed it.

I hope your wedding day is fantastic. Chill out and enjoy things now. The build up to your wedding should be exciting and fun not stressful and complicated.

Mojisola

jlp100 wrote: »

The deal is me and my chap are getting married in Vegas next year - sorted. We will have about 6 friends with us there. Great.

I don't want him to feel like he is missing out on such a big part of his dad's life so I thought we could married in 'secret' here where his son, his sisters and my mum & dad can attend (none of these can make Vegas so to have the most important people be there would be quite nice & intimate and they are getting the last laugh being at THE marriage).

Also if people find out they could have attended here do people get a cob on cos they didn't get invited to this... (my head's gonna pop!).

i'm already thinking ooooh I can't tell my girlies and have a hen night cos they should be at the wedding

I think you are risking upsetting just about everyone you know with the mish-mash!

What's going to happen in Vegas if you've already got married here? Your friends are expecting to be at your wedding ceremony!

If the "most important people" are the close family, why did you plan on cutting them out of it by getting married in Vegas?

You could certainly lose some of the other friends when they realise that you had two celebrations and they weren't invited to either!

If the Vegas plan is sorted, you have to stick with that.

Why not have a family celebration - a big meal out or such - when you come back? Accept that his son just isn't going to be part of the wedding although you could ask your local vicar for a church blessing when you come back so the family could see some sort of ceremony.

SavingPennies_2

I think you are risking upsetting a lot of people, the "secret" will get out. I would not be happy if I paid to go to Vegas for your wedding only to find out you were already married and the only people who were invited were "the most important people".

I also think using the term "last laugh" is rather crass and unfair on your friends coming to vegas. I certainly wouldnt find it funny if I was going to a secret wedding knowing other people were paying to go to a fake one in vegas, id feel very uncomfortable about taking part in such deception.

Id have your wedding in here, invite the family and the guests who would have come to vegas (they must be pretty close to have invited them and for them to be willing to go), then a) have a honeymoon in vegas or b) organise a group holiday to vegas with your new husband and close friends.

jlp100

mrcow wrote: »

So are you going to tell the people that are forking out a fortune for Las Vegas that you'll already be married by the time you go there?

You need to. And early on. I'd be really peeved if I'd been deceived about it.

The people who are going have always wanted to go. The reason is actually for a double b'day bash a 40th and a 50th so the wedding has just been an added thing while we are there. We have had to actually tell them about the wedding to see if they mind it taking up their holiday.

jlp100

I may not have been completely clear. Me & friends were actually going on holiday to Vegas anyway we have added the wedding while we are there.

The reason it was a special holiday anyway was for a special b'days for a 40th & and a 50th which they have said they were always going to do. We have been joking around that we will get married while we are there and the OH has said why not...

They are not making special plans to go especially for the wedding... They are there for Vegas.

SavingPennies_2

Ah well that changes things somewhat - I would not have been so harsh in my previous post!