Wedding Help for Indecisive Couple Please!

shegirl

CH27 wrote: »

If it's so important for the son to be involved why did you book a wedding without including him in the first place?

I agree.I think it's pretty disgraceful to plan a wedding without inviting your own child.

lostinrates

aileth wrote: »

Yes, and I know if I was the 14 year old son I'd feel absolutely gutted that I was being excluded from that part of my dad's life while he jetted off to Vegas to get married rather than involving me.

Which is why OP is trying to think of a solution to do something special with family before hand.

Personally, if friends really are all going on a group holiday wedding or know wedding I don't see the issue with small family celebration at home then a Vegas thing. As I said, not my cup of tea, but I can see why it's not appropriate to take a teen there.

Fwiw, its not quite fair to say there is no money for a wedding at home at all, because Vegas cannot be free. Dh and I got married for under £150, so it could be done to include a meal for a family and a code of friends if need be for the price of a holiday. I am no
T saying that's what OP should do, I'm just saying there is a choice she hasn't acknowledged.

shegirl

jlp100 wrote: »

The people involved are all those we love. What I was trying to say is that there are some conversations where I feel the son is being left out of (we try to avoid such conversations but family/friends sometimes bring it up in front of him). The whole idea of this getting married here is so that the son feels involved.

As I have stated the holiday is not for the wedding, we have added it to our trip (people are not going out there specially - they will be there anyway.

With respect,the son should never have been left out and shouldn't need to now 'feel involved' as being your oh's son he should have been included from the start.

Have the wedding here and forget the phoney 'wedding' in Las Vegas,it would be pointless.

time2deal

jlp100 wrote: »

I do love a good bout of sarcasm... thank you for your input..

I am just selfish wondering how to please everyone....

First - JLP - don't get defensive. You will get mixed responses here, just take what helps, and realise that the negative things MAY be what your friends are thinking.

Second - I do understand why you are doing this. I can see you are trying to mix fun with keeping everyone happy! I don't really agree with people who say 'it's my day, and I'll do what I want' so it's nice you are trying to think about it.

My two pennies worth is that you have to keep people informed. My best friend had a secret wedding (for a very good reason - a terminal disease in the family) and told me in passing one day, and then we all went on a massive trip overseas for the 'real' wedding, which turned out to be a blessing. I was deeply hurt that she hadn't told me about the first wedding (which was only family and I would never have expected to attend) and most people traveling didn't know at all. Many were more than a little miffed when they realised during the ceremony. If they had sat people down and said 'x is dying and can't make it, so we are having a ceremony' everyone would have understood, but it was handled a little crudely, so people were annoyed.

So, whatever you choose, I'd just say don't keep secrets. Explain your reasons, and people will understand. Especially as you seem a little older (apologies if that is wrong) and I think these is less concern about protocol and the 'perfect day' at that age.

StuC75

Would it not work better to have the UK wedding after the vegas holiday one? I do see the amusement value of the 'When in Vegas' / Hangover 'Montage' style wedding, then coupled with an intimate blessing back in the UK with the family, maybe even followed by an evening reception\party to celebrate with other members of family & friends..

jlp100

Hi folks. I am glad I have put this on the Forum we needed to make decisions (I did say we were indecisive from the outset).

We are definitely going to Vegas in October anyway as part of birthday celebrations but it has been too advanced to book the actual holiday (we are going looking this weekend to book).

I thank you for those who have put in some helpful comments... I didn't realise how people can also come on here to have a pop...Wow... go get a hobby.

For those of you who have been helpful and are interested we have now made a list of those nearest & dearest and are going to have an intimate ceremony here with my stepdad giving me away and the son as best man. We are looking at a little bit more cost, but for peace of mind of having those who mean the most to us being there it will be worth it.

We will then be looking to have a honeymoon with friends in Vegas and may even get a blessing... we can do a bit more freely and have more of a laugh as we will have had the 'serious' ceremony here.

Thank you again to those who have answered my thread for the right reasons and for your well wishes

jlp100

lostinrates wrote: »

Which is why OP is trying to think of a solution to do something special with family before hand.

Personally, if friends really are all going on a group holiday wedding or know wedding I don't see the issue with small family celebration at home then a Vegas thing. As I said, not my cup of tea, but I can see why it's not appropriate to take a teen there.

Fwiw, its not quite fair to say there is no money for a wedding at home at all, because Vegas cannot be free. Dh and I got married for under £150, so it could be done to include a meal for a family and a code of friends if need be for the price of a holiday. I am no
T saying that's what OP should do, I'm just saying there is a choice she hasn't acknowledged.

We are looking at a budget of around £1200, but this is for a party of around 50 people. May I ask how many yours was for... how you went about it etc... thanks x :beer:

jlp100

bumbledore wrote: »

This is simply nonsense, sorry OP. You say you don't like big weddings therefore the alternative is flying you, your partner and friends over to las vegas to get one done there.

Get a cheap wedding here in the UK, go to a registery office and splash out on a party as excluding your stepson for no real reason is just a disgrace.

Sorry Bumbledore did you read my OP at all??

We are not flying anybody anywhere, we are booking a holiday for b'day celebrations and we were going to add the getting married in Vegas thing... as you can see from the post above nothing was set in stone as the whole thing has been up in the air. We have needed to make decisions and this thread has helped me come to the conclusion as above.

Thank you.

jlp100

shegirl wrote: »

With respect,the son should never have been left out and shouldn't need to now 'feel involved' as being your oh's son he should have been included from the start.

Have the wedding here and forget the phoney 'wedding' in Las Vegas,it would be pointless.

He has never been left out... he has always at the forefront of our minds. I should have been clear but nothing has been set in stone and this is why I posted on the forum.

The idea was to get married no muss no fuss in Vegas but it would leave our loved ones here.... it may have seemed a bit selfish with hindsight but it wasn't our intention, neither of us like a lot of fuss. Its all changed though now and we are excited we will be surrounded by our nearest & dearest... and have Vegas as our honeymoon.

Scorpio33

jlp100 wrote: »

Hi folks. I am glad I have put this on the Forum we needed to make decisions (I did say we were indecisive from the outset).

We are definitely going to Vegas in October anyway as part of birthday celebrations but it has been too advanced to book the actual holiday (we are going looking this weekend to book).

I thank you for those who have put in some helpful comments... I didn't realise how people can also come on here to have a pop...Wow... go get a hobby.

For those of you who have been helpful and are interested we have now made a list of those nearest & dearest and are going to have an intimate ceremony here with my stepdad giving me away and the son as best man. We are looking at a little bit more cost, but for peace of mind of having those who mean the most to us being there it will be worth it.

We will then be looking to have a honeymoon with friends in Vegas and may even get a blessing... we can do a bit more freely and have more of a laugh as we will have had the 'serious' ceremony here.

Thank you again to those who have answered my thread for the right reasons and for your well wishes

Glad you managed to come to a decision, sounds like the best solution. Good luck with it all.