Bullying

flashnazia

wheezy57 wrote: »

I am not sure if you have read some of my posts but I have always said I am not in this situation to win anything. I am intent on this woman stopping her behaviour - thats the 'intent'.

My working life is at the moment not in my control at all as there are things going on in the background without my knowledge that two managers have hinted at. In other words - or rather reading between the lines - they would have me just put up and shut up.

Bullying is not always poking, pushing, prodding and physical bad behaviour. I found that after reading the bullyonline info I had been subjected to all sorts of under current systematic tactics that bullies use - without realising it - until the straw that broke the camels back last week. It has all become crystal clear now.

It is hugely naive of me to now think - why didnt I realise what was going on - it was subversive, pernicious, calculated, tactical (!) and executed in a way that only a bully could act this way.

I dont feel proud of what I am doing. I feel sick at the thought of what is ahead of me. But hey - she has to be stopped - but I doubt she will be. It will all be swept under the carpet as always until the next time....

So, you are fighting a battle you know you can't win...what's the point then?

I think you are letting the bully win by letting it get to you. I reckon everyone now thinks you are the problem.

wheezy57

I am getting bored with saying the same thing here. I am not doing this to win. What other words can I say to get through to you two posters.

Shant post any more as you two just persist on saying one thing and I keep saying another in my defence - of which I get the feeling that you both seem to think I have no defence and that I could be the problem. Your spiteful remark is almost as toxic as being bullied.

AGAIN this bully wins 'because I let the bully know how she is affecting me' and that I am trying so hard to getting her behavior stopped.

After all this is finished incidentally, I do have a plan. The plan is go to work, work hard, not having to look over my shoulder, earn my money and go home at the end of each day without having to constantly defend and explain myself.

Dogger69

wheezy57 wrote: »

I am getting bored with saying the same thing here. I am not doing this to win. What other words can I say to get through to you two posters.

Shant post any more as you two just persist on saying one thing and I keep saying another in my defence - of which I get the feeling that you both seem to think I have no defence and that I could be the problem. Your spiteful remark is almost as toxic as being bullied.

AGAIN this bully wins 'because I let the bully know how she is affecting me' and that I am trying so hard to getting her behavior stopped.

After all this is finished incidentally, I do have a plan. The plan is go to work, work hard, not having to look over my shoulder, earn my money and go home at the end of each day without having to constantly defend and explain myself.

No one has made any spiteful or toxic remarks to you, only pointed out the reality of the situation.

Your plan does not appear to cover what you will do if your complaint is not upheld?

flashnazia

wheezy57 wrote: »

I am getting bored with saying the same thing here. I am not doing this to win. What other words can I say to get through to you two posters.

Shant post any more as you two just persist on saying one thing and I keep saying another in my defence - of which I get the feeling that you both seem to think I have no defence and that I could be the problem. Your spiteful remark is almost as toxic as being bullied.

AGAIN this bully wins 'because I let the bully know how she is affecting me' and that I am trying so hard to getting her behavior stopped.

After all this is finished incidentally, I do have a plan. The plan is go to work, work hard, not having to look over my shoulder, earn my money and go home at the end of each day without having to constantly defend and explain myself.

I don't think I have been 'toxic', just pragmatic.

If you think pragmatism = bullying then I'm starting to see signs of persecution complex maybe?

What are you hoping to achieve with this grievance?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

wheezy57 wrote: »

Shant post any more as you two just persist on saying one thing and I keep saying another in my defence - of which I get the feeling that you both seem to think I have no defence and that I could be the problem. Your spiteful remark is almost as toxic as being bullied.
...
After all this is finished incidentally, I do have a plan. The plan is go to work, work hard, not having to look over my shoulder, earn my money and go home at the end of each day without having to constantly defend and explain myself.

The absolute reality is that we don't know what she does or did so the only thing that people can respond to [rather than help you with the detail] is question why you are doing this because there is nothing else within this thread to discuss. You aren't willing to share the detail so nobody can help you with the detail.

And secondly, if you do persist and the company do decide that it is you that is the problem, it is going to be extremely hard to get another job with 'troublemaker' underlying and reference.

The best thing to do would be to give us some detail on the actual things she is doing, so that you can get help to back up your complaint and perhaps to out wit her.

Otherwise all that is happening here is that you are moaning about a bully and people respond with varying degrees of 'what are you trying to achieve in all this'...

wheezy57

flashnazia wrote: »

What are you hoping to achieve with this grievance?

Please read previous posts.

wheezy57

For heavens sake - I would appear to have a persecution complex going on, I am perceived as being a trouble maker, I AM the problem and I am not willing to open up with the specifics.

I am being bullied - you can be assured on that one. If I am any of those things you say I am then no wonder so many people dont report bullying.

There was two of you and now three. Have any of you been so badly bullied that you feel your life is in a turmoil. I doubt it. When you have been through this then come back to this forum and see how we cant support and help you. Until then I would politely ask you to SFU. Unless of course you have something of any substance to say - omitting the finger wagging. In fact your substance and mine will clash so dont bother.

Daedalus

wheezy57 wrote: »

For heavens sake - I would appear to have a persecution complex going on, I am perceived as being a trouble maker, I AM the problem and I am not willing to open up with the specifics.

I am being bullied - you can be assured on that one. If I am any of those things you say I am then no wonder so many people dont report bullying.

There was two of you and now three. Have any of you been so badly bullied that you feel your life is in a turmoil. I doubt it. When you have been through this then come back to this forum and see how we cant support and help you. Until then I would politely ask you to SFU. Unless of course you have something of any substance to say - omitting the finger wagging. In fact your substance and mine will clash so dont bother.

You might be, but most rational people don't tend to take one side of the story as gospel. If that upsets you then you are kind of proving the 'May be you are too sensitive' brigade right...

Funky_Bold_Ribena

wheezy57 wrote: »

For heavens sake - I would appear to have a persecution complex going on, I am perceived as being a trouble maker, I AM the problem and I am not willing to open up with the specifics.

I am being bullied - you can be assured on that one. If I am any of those things you say I am then no wonder so many people dont report bullying.

There was two of you and now three. Have any of you been so badly bullied that you feel your life is in a turmoil. I doubt it. When you have been through this then come back to this forum and see how we cant support and help you. Until then I would politely ask you to SFU. Unless of course you have something of any substance to say - omitting the finger wagging. In fact your substance and mine will clash so dont bother.

The thing of substance is to tell you what I've already told you...people are unable to help because they don't know the specifics and it may affect a reference. If me telling you that constitutes anything other that a reality check; then feel free to ignore me. However, I have been bullied before - and there are ways of dealing with bullies. But without specifics it is impossible to help.

Nobody can tell you what you want to hear - which is that your approach absolutely won't affect future employment opportunities. You are confusing people who are telling you like it is with people who will tell you what you want to hear.

Nobody is being mean and nasty - but your reaction to tell them/us to !!!!!! just means that when you really need help - the people that may be able to assist will remember your response and will probably keep quiet.

flashnazia

ILW wrote: »

Sorry, but have you wondered why you seem to atract this sort of behaviour?

ILW had the insight on this one.