Bullying

deary65

Also have a look on this site: http://www.bullyonline.org/

wheezy57

deary65 wrote: »

Also have a look on this site: http://www.bullyonline.org/

I have just skimmed over but printed off this valuable and sadly insightful information. My jaw has dropped onto my desk with total agreement on nearly everything it says about the bully and the bullied.

I am absolutely lost for words. I now realise the extent of what this woman has been putting me through systemically for months.

I have put in my grievance to the HR department and there is even information about that too on this website. I informed the investigator chap who first suspended me as a point of courtesy and he said that as I had done wrong the first time that would stay in the past. But there is a link I said. No cant possibly be he said. He then said he would speak to HR to find out what to do with me!!!! He cant discuss the case with HR as the statement was private and confidential - as instructed - to submit.

Although he said the the actions of this woman was wholly unacceptable, he would take it upon himself to get to the bottom of it. Oh my word. A bit of panicking going on now I think...I didnt see him again all day but it will be interesting to see how he/they play this one out.

The bullyonline document is truly awful and if anyone out there thinks they may be going through the same thing I strongly advise you to read it.

I just want to thank you so much for that link. I much appreciate it as it sheds such a different light on the whole thing.

wheezy57

Dogger69 wrote: »

ohreally makes a good point - this is not a battle you are going to win, and the more you try, the more it is making you ill. Focus on how you can have a better future, which more than likely will mean finding a new job, and use your counselling to put this bad experience in the past.

I hear what you are saying, but as I have said I am not 'expecting' to win this. Its not a win thing going on. I want her to stop bullying me. Would the alternative be to crawl away and keep my mouth shut. I dont think so in this instance. I just simply cannot walk away. She has over stepped the line by a mile.

The other thing is that I am now 60 and the liklehood of me getting a job again (apart from working in a tea room (sorry) or a garage) is very remote now. Its either put up and shut up or speak up and end her antics (a mild way of putting it) for good..

Thanks for your kind words though..

paulineb_2

ohreally wrote: »

Wheezy, you appear to be failing to grasp the function of HR. They exist to protect the employers back, not take on your fights for you.

Based on information on previous posts, I would not be surprised if your grievence fails.
You need to pick your battles, for the sake of your sanity and health try and let go of past issues and keep your head down, at least until the dust settles.

They also exist to stop people being bullied and harassed in the workplace. Or they should.

paulineb_2

ILW wrote: »

Sorry, but have you wondered why you seem to atract this sort of behaviour?

Ive been bullied in several jobs. A member of my family who is very very good at what she does, outstanding at her job was bullied and harassed over a period of 20 years.

The people who are at fault are the people who do the bullying. The people who allow it to happen, condone it by the way they allow bullies to carry on without doing something about them.

Some types of work sadly are rife with bullies, teaching, nursing and the line of work I did was in the charity sector.

I also managed two staff teams and I never once had to resort to bullying people.

I also dont blame myself for being bullied. I did everything I could to sort out my working conditions, involved unions, took legal advice in one job. I was working with BT police traces on my work line in one job because the member of staff who was conducting a bullying campaign against me, I got the job he wanted but wasnt qualified to do, also involved tenants of the supported accommodation I worked in to try and physically threaten me. Police were involved. I got hate mail sent to my home (my address was given out) and I used to come in every day to get offensive letters left on my desk by one senior worker who joined in this mans campaign.

The fault is with the people who bully. And also, having had to be signed off with work related stress on more than one occasion, my experience is employers dont care about whether they have made you ill, many will use that as leverage to try and get rid of you.

Ive never bullied anyone in my life. Ive never needed to. And Im a strong person. But if you go into grievance (as I have had to in the past) and management (not every employer has an HR dept) do nothing about the person doing the bullying, you are trapped and it can make your working life a living hell.

I had no idea what the effects of work related stress were on a person until I went through it myself.

I changed career 4 years ago and last year I was unfortunate enough to meet yet another bully (who wasnt just trying to bully me), but Im away from that company now and Im self employed again.

People who bully generally need a target and in my experience the people I have met who have bullied and harassed me, have also bullied and harassed other people.

My relative who put in a grievance against a line manager was the 20th person to do so over a few year period, she didnt know this at the time, she found out later and was told that the person who did the bullying was told that my relative was the last person they would back her against, but back here they did, even though they knew she was bullying people.

My story of what life was like in one of my jobs is on bullyonline. Its a great resource, it really helped me make sense of things when I was going through the worst of it all.

All I can say right now is hopefully you will get through this and at some stage get another job where people like this woman wont exist.

Or if she does you'll have staff within the organisation who will actually believe whats happening to you and take steps to resolve whats been going on.

Its also hard enough to go through it in the workplace without people asking what you've done to deserve it, as some people did to me.

I did nothing to deserve it, I just happened to fall foul of a few people who in my view had massive psychological issues and should have been nowhere near a team of staff.

CFC

ohreally wrote: »

Wheezy, you appear to be failing to grasp the function of HR. They exist to protect the employers back, not take on your fights for you.

Based on information on previous posts, I would not be surprised if your grievence fails.
You need to pick your battles, for the sake of your sanity and health try and let go of past issues and keep your head down, at least until the dust settles.

Wheezy this is sound advice. Let go of the past. Swallow your pride and shake off her actions - just enjoy your nice new department. Unless there is a lot more than you have posted, you are on a hiding to nothing with this grievance and you risk being 'black marked' now....

prestonisidore

Bullies are the person who experienced bullying. They take revenged for themselves. Don't be afraid, stay stong man have a self motivation. I know its a risk challenge for you now, go on and let go of them.

paulineb_2

prestonisidore wrote: »

Bullies are the person who experienced bullying. They take revenged for themselves. Don't be afraid, stay stong man have a self motivation. I know its a risk challenge for you now, go on and let go of them.

Ive been bullied in several jobs. Ive never needed to bully anyone as a manager.

Some people might turn into a bully because theyve experienced bullying themselves, but others dont.

Id never inflict on someone whats been inflicted on me over the years.

Btw, if this woman is still bullying and harassing you regardless of your move to another office, you have every right to raise a formal grievance.

It is the function of HR to try and resolve workplace disputes and its unacceptable that people get bullied in the workplace.

Its hard to let something go when you are still on the receiving end of poor treatment.

flashnazia

wheezy57 wrote: »

I have just skimmed over but printed off this valuable and sadly insightful information. My jaw has dropped onto my desk with total agreement on nearly everything it says about the bully and the bullied.

I am absolutely lost for words. I now realise the extent of what this woman has been putting me through systemically for months.

I have put in my grievance to the HR department and there is even information about that too on this website. I informed the investigator chap who first suspended me as a point of courtesy and he said that as I had done wrong the first time that would stay in the past. But there is a link I said. No cant possibly be he said. He then said he would speak to HR to find out what to do with me!!!! He cant discuss the case with HR as the statement was private and confidential - as instructed - to submit.

Although he said the the actions of this woman was wholly unacceptable, he would take it upon himself to get to the bottom of it. Oh my word. A bit of panicking going on now I think...I didnt see him again all day but it will be interesting to see how he/they play this one out.

The bullyonline document is truly awful and if anyone out there thinks they may be going through the same thing I strongly advise you to read it.

I just want to thank you so much for that link. I much appreciate it as it sheds such a different light on the whole thing.

I read some info on that site but I don't think it's helpful. It's all very subjective and judgemental 'all bullies are jealous, liars etc'.

Bullying is a complex issue. It's not always as clear cut as one person being an angel and the other a devil.

wheezy57

I have had an up and down couple of days. The person whom I sent the statement to hasnt got back in touch yet. There is more gossip going on - to my face and behind my back - and I am powerless to stop it.

It would appear the whole thing rests on perception of events. The way it was explained to me was that a) this woman will never be suspended, b) do I really want to go down the route of a Formal c) noone will stand by me and back me up and on and on. The man - my current line manager wasnt being negative - just pointing out facts. It also become obvious that I may be off this current department soon. I shall be shipped off to another department and will have to start all over again. My working life is totally out of my control. Almost like 'oh god, what are we going to do with this whistleblowing troublemaking boat rocker'.

He asked me what I would like (!) as an outcome. I had to think for at least 20 seconds there. So, it would seem (and again its only my perception of what is happening) that I shall have to like it or lump it. Let her carry on with her denials and her charm offensive and then wham another sucker goes down.

I am so confused that I cant think straight. Its that little voice inside my head that says go go go, and then another little voice that says no no no...