Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

BitterAndTwisted

Quite honestly, I think you should cease communicating with him via text-messages and start writing letters. The first one should to tell him that the tenancy WILL BE ending, you are no longer responsible for him and therefore he must make plans for his onward move.

Fully expect him to stop paying you any rent until he's evicted. Which could take up to six months BUT you absolutely need the landlord/agent on-side to carry out the possession process or you'll never get him out of there.

NAR

triple_choc_chip wrote: »

I would reply:

Deal with them or find somewhere else, we are divorced and your future accommodation is not my problem. Your relationship with your daughter is also your responsibility not mine. Skin off my nose or not I don't do favours for those who disrespect me.

TWM I think this is good advice. Save any abusive replies (email or text) and show them to your brother. Would he be willing to pay a visit and stand up for you? Just to let ex know you are not on your own in this "battle!"
Be firm re tenancy ie the next move is HIS and HIS alone.

thorsoak

I concur with Triple choc chip's advice - send it, word for word now - and then when your brother is with you, go over and reiterate what you've said!

Stop regretting what wasn't done before, don't make any more excuses for him - he is, plain and simply, an arrogant person who thinks he knows better than everyone else, and expects everyone else to cater to his every whim!

When_the_going_gets_tough

TWM I wonder if it might be worth 30 min of a solicitors time to find out exactly the steps and timeline you would need to take to evict him. Then even if it is difficult you would know what to do and you could give him an ultimatum before you start taking those steps. Just a thought. I think you are brave and resourceful and you should not have to put up with all this, but I have every confidence that you will find a way through this last bit and have a happy life for you and your daughter.

bestpud

Well, I've just spent a lot of time reading this epic thread and I'm hoping you won't mind me being blunt.

Actually listen to the good advice you've been offered about the tenancy and other aspects - it's sad to see how knowledgeable people have stepped back as it's become clear you are asking for advice and ignoring it.

I know you're getting support but you need good, solid, informed advice too.

You seem to have a lot of stuff you've not dealt with and you are still in a pickle with paperwork and general mess.

Right back at the start you said you wanted to buy a house as you are fed up moving all the clutter and clearing the path for inspection. I thought then that any house you buy will be packed to the rafters in no time.

I don't think you will ever feel in control of your life if you can't even control your possessions.

Did you ever clear the loft at the old house? And where are all the boxes from the garage at the second house? Do you still have stuff at your brothers?

May I suggest you spend a day gathering all your paperwork and filing it properly? If you only get a far as a separate carrier bag of papers for each situation then you will be better off than you are now!

I mean, Ikea bed receipts 'somewhere' in your drawer at work... Seriously???

Then take a look at all the boxes and ask yourself if you really need them if you can't actually say what is in them.

Take out any paperwork and shred anything you don't need straight away and just take the rest to a charity shop - don't sort it or even look at it - just get rid of it!

Honestly, you will feel so much better as that clutter you can't even name is holding you back just as much as your ex is.

Would your brother or sister help or even do it for you if you offer to babysit or take them out for a meal?

If you will find it too difficult then be clear about anything you want and let them get on with it.

Failing that, get a professional declutterer to help.

To be totally honest, you seem to have buried your head almost as much as your ex over the years and maybe part of the adjustment process is you admitting to yourself that you can't blame absolutely everything on him.

I'm really hoping you won't lease the house again rather than deal with your stuff.

Don't let that stuff become an even bigger symbol of all you feel you've wasted in the last 20 years.

ecgirl07

In your shoes I would be tempted to give him a deadline to leave that is week shy of the tenancy ending - this gives you a week to clean up after him (or a week to get the heavies round to vacate him). This will cost you a weeks rent but might be worthwhile for the peace of mind of having him out early or having a week to negotiate him out.

kelpie35

ecgirl07 wrote: »

In your shoes I would be tempted to give him a deadline to leave that is week shy of the tenancy ending - this gives you a week to clean up after him (or a week to get the heavies round to vacate him). This will cost you a weeks rent but might be worthwhile for the peace of mind of having him out early or having a week to negotiate him out.

I did suggest that TWM did this some posts back but I don't think she is taking on board all the advice she has been given re the lease.

There are many informed posters on here who have offered excellent advice but it all seems to be ignored. This has made me :mad:

I think I will take a step back from this thread as it is frustrating me. Sorry to be so harsh TWM but that is how I feel. :eek:

Laurajo_2

Advice is just that - advice.

We need to remember that TWM is actually the person living her life and ultimately the one that has to deal with ex OH. She has left a long term marriage and done a grand job of setting up a new home for herself and her daughter.

She has not, nor mentioned that she is considering extending the lease for her ex in her name, however due to the situation it is particularly complex in that she needs to be able to get him to actually leave, or she will be financially liable...which, as it stands, she is any way - if husband stopped paying money to her to cover rent and bills, she would be the one pursued.

Given this, it does need to be handled with a degree of tact, and, although he sounds like an obnoxious twerp, goading him could be the worse thing she could do, at least until the lease situation is resolved.

paulineb_2

Shes also clearly still being bullied by her ex and if youve been in a relationship like that over a long period of time then Id suggest that has a bearing on how you might deal with matters like the lease.

paulineb_2

kelpie35 wrote: »

I did suggest that TWM did this some posts back but I don't think she is taking on board all the advice she has been given re the lease.

There are many informed posters on here who have offered excellent advice but it all seems to be ignored. This has made me :mad:

I think I will take a step back from this thread as it is frustrating me. Sorry to be so harsh TWM but that is how I feel. :eek:

She cant take on all the advice, some of it is conflicting

Shes admitted shes been putting it off because she knew her ex was going to behave unreasonably about it

Im not sure why it would make you angry or whatever the icon is, people give advice in good faith, its either accepted or rejected. The OP has been through a lot, it cant be easy dealing with someone as difficult as her ex