Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

triple_choc_chip

I would reply:

Deal with them or find somewhere else, we are divorced and your future accommodation is not my problem. Your relationship with your daughter is also your responsibility not mine. Skin off my nose or not I don't do favours for those who disrespect me.

triple_choc_chip

tesuhoha wrote: »

Maybe you should reply 'Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.'

Love it!

If TWM wasn't so scared of him this would be perfect. At the moment any reply, no matter how reasonable, is going to be like poking a bear with a stick.

Good luck TWM, he's acting like a spoilt child and not facing up to the consequences of his actions. be that relationship or financial history. Remember how many years you put up with it before it became unbearable? Many would have walked away much sooner and left him to stew in his own mess. You've done more than enough already.

He's still trying to take advantage of your good nature and the emotional blackmail always worked for him before. As with those children's nanny programmes on TV, their behaviour always gets worse before it gets better because they 'up the ante' to see if that works before realising they have to change. He's doing his version of that now ( I nearly wrote 'adult version' then but his actions certainly aren't that).

paulineb_2

But hes not going to do sensible and convenient so you need to do what you need to do to end the tenancy with the least stress to you and let him get on with trying to find somewhere else to live.

Hes an adult, he has an income, he should have been looking for somewhere to live months ago, not just relying on you to find an easy solution.

You dont need to speak to him at all re this, sort it out with the landlord instead, save yourself the grief, dont make life any harder than it needs to be.

teawithmilk

Thank you all so much.

I think I would crack up if I couldn't get advice here.

I feel pathetic and helpless and angry with myself that I can't control this situation. I HATE not being able to manage and I HATE not being able to control this. I need to go pick up DD but Im a bit upset at the moment and I don't want her (or him if he comes out to have a go at me) to see Ive been crying.

The house is chock a block full of furniture. He is so stupid- he has actually been buying furniture for himself, to kit it out to his taste, since I left. He doesnt drive so couldnt drive a van himself.

And the house is filthy.

The joke is that if he had left when we were arguing this time last year, I would probably still be in that house with DD and these tenancy issues wouldnt have ever cropped up!

sallysaver

Hi TWM,
I agree with what you have written (word for word) regarding his latest outburst, that we are dealing with a child 'adult' but you really need to be one step ahead of him regarding this tenancy agreement. You have already stated that the property is beyond dirty and smells. However, because the tenancy is in your name it is unfortunate but it is you who will suffer. You will almost surely lose the bond if it is not handed over in a cleaner state than it is now. Would it be sensible for him to go along himself to the Agents, tell the truth, say you have parted company and he would like to take over the tenancy in his name only. This may, just may, stop any inspection, you would automatically get your bond back and he can live in his little pigsty of a world for as long as he wants. Its worth a go. Please, please do not give in to him any more, you have done so well to get this far and amongst lots of other posters, I am routing for you so much. Remember the L'Oreal advert every time you are feeling down - you're so worth it!!!!!! Sally

Errata

As TripleChoc says, things may get worse before they get better. I wouldn't be surprised if his next trick is a truck full of emotional blackmail along the lines of ' You're ruining DD's life, I won't be able to have her, you'll turn her against me' etc etc.

triple_choc_chip

Bless you, cbin up, you may not be controlling it but you are gradually guiding it to where you want it to be.

Just 3 more months of this stupidity, mark the tenancy end date on a calendar and do a count down to the end of this stress. As the ties get evermore severed, so the stress will diminish and you will feel stronger. Have a dodgy hug :grouphug:

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

The house is chock a block full of furniture. He is so stupid- he has actually been buying furniture for himself, to kit it out to his taste, since I left. He doesnt drive so couldnt drive a van himself.

And the house is filthy.

I think he knows exactly what he's doing - he's trying to make it as hard as possible to get him out.

BitterAndTwisted

You need to speak to the agent and be extremely candid with them. Ask them to serve you with a Section 21 Notice and then take steps to end the tenancy. He will not be able to prevent the tenancy ending once it gets to court IF the documents are correctly drawn up.

My fear is, once the landlord has gained a possession order in court, is that their costs will be awarded against you, This could amount to about a grand, or more if they have to instruct court-appointed bailiffs to remove him. Plus, of course, even more money if the place is left in a filthy mess.

teawithmilk

Thanks Sally but he is just not a reasonable man. Ive basically laid it out to him what he needs to do....he works in a professional job, he has a masters degree, its not like he doesnt know how to pick up a phone! but he is so stubborn that he will not do anything he doesnt want to do if he doesnt feel like it.

He can move mountains when he wants to, when its something that he is interested in, Ive seen him research stuff and build amazing stuff (to do with his hobbies and work) so he is capable of doing this he just cant be bothered or he thinks its not his problem to sort out, like I have wronged him and Im trying to punish him.