Separated, how much should I provide?

duchy

Hobbyhorse15 wrote: »

This thread is so large it is impossible to follow but I do feel that you are being misled by some very biased opinions and they aren't helping you.

What absolute boIIocks . If your comprehension skills don't extend to comprehending the whole thread then it is ridiculous not to mention unproductive to then write the twaddle below

<lots of the poster's own agendas waffled about and little relevence so snipped>


Of course she's going to fight! Who wouldn't?

Everyone must realise that this woman's world has been cut from under her and yes she must adapt to something that's been forced on her and I think it's clear she isn't doing that too well and may be that is to punish you to a degree.

Bit obvious she's out to punish -this is hardly news -or helpful. Takes two to make a marriage and two to break it though.

It must also be clear that in this day and age she is not going to get a job that pays well and nor are your children. Do you want the best for them or do you want them to experience hardship just because other people tell you to or because their children had to?

Poster has no idea of the employment prospects of Mrs Jack and appears to think she's an uneducated and oppressed housewife....rather than a woman who until comparatively recently held down her own job (mind you Mrs Jack has no idea either as she hasn't bothered looking). Poster has also missed the point that both children are still in education-one at college and one at university. I assume that the comprehension skills again

The fact is that because you have an income you are best placed to pay your rent/mortgage, bills etc and they aren't.

More blah blah not read the thread properly so missing the point -not to mention the maths -more irrelevances and purple prose snipped (sacrificed her whole life and now you want to throw her to the gutter penniless (and no doubt barefoot :rotfl: )blah blah nonsense)

After all who can afford to retrain and who at her time of life is going to get a decent job.

Jeez she's in her forties -women retrain all the time at that age -she's hardly on her last legs !

Realistically, you should have both prepared for this by discussing the fact that in say 20 years you could divorce and that she needed to retrain for a career, you'd sort out decent childcare, cleaner, share cooking and other chores and set up her pension. Sadly that wasn't done and she's the one in the s**t

Yes because newly wed couples always assume they'll be divorcing in 20 years time........ Are you for real ? What on earth are you smoking ?????



Course you shouldn't be living hand to mouth but the fact is that courts try to be fair to both parties taking into account their current circumstances and their potential. She realistically has little potential.

No-one is living "hand to mouth" in fact she's driving around in a rather nice car too (lease paid for by the big bad wolf) Once again you have no idea of her potential and appear to be basing it on your rather odd opinions of the women in general -especially geriatric ones in their forties

Snipped more waffle stating the obvious with regard to what a solicitor does.

Your relationship with your wife and children is damaged probably beyond repair. That's the real crime here and your son has been insulted on this site and you've stood by. How do you think your son feels about you and why do you think that is.

Some people will tell you he's drip fed by his mother. What rubbish! Of course he's not drip fed. He can see perfectly well how this break up has damaged the family, his sister and himself. Probably most of it caused by people telling you to stop paying for lessons, etc. What kid is going to see that as anything but personal?

Er he hasn't stopped paying for lessons-the kid has started to learn to drive this month and the tweet was about the fact Jack DID pay for the lessons (You really need to read and stop projecting your own assumptions) You have no idea why this young man is angry -whether it is because he feels protective of his mother or if other dynamics are involved -like choosing to leave his mother's home to live with his grandparents (or did you miss that bit too) Maybe he's none too pleased with either of them. Your assumptions aren't helpful.

My opinion: sort things out with your children now - ignore anyone who tells you to keep them short of money. Don't. Can promise you that never ends well.

No-one has told Jack to keep his children short of money nor has he mooted it . I assume you didyours however and that is colouring your opinion

You wife is going to get child benefits for a negligible amount of time.
Yes child benefit is £20 a week - she's really going to miss that...Have you actually seen what Jack is currently paying her -it's way above CSA rates. Re-read the thread properly !

Your wife's worry is personal security and her future and you need to address that. You need to look at the figures fairly. She isn't going to get a good job - ever. She needs a pension and unless you have a massive house that she can downsize from that enables her to have the children live with her then giving her the house isn't enough to cover housing and future pension. A one bed flat doesn't cut it.

One child is at university and the other at college -and doesn't live at home but with grandparents in another part of the country. Jack isn't cutting her off without a penny - Yes she may need to downsize - as indeed does he -but again you've not read the proposals Jack has already put forward -Yes she'll need to work again (as she did at various times post having the children) but she isn't going to be forced into a one bedroom flat unless she chooses to be -You are ignoring the facts- a large house with no mortgage and both have pensions.

As to spousal maintenance - well that's harder and if she were 25 and capable of retraining fine - a short time to cover retraining. At 50ish a bit harder. You could try agreeing a time length or until remarriage/cohabitation.

For goodness sake - what is this obsession of yours that women in their forties and fifties are numpties incapable of retraining ??? I'm Jack's wife's age -I work -I'm also a fulltime student and there's plenty of women on my degree course who are retraining -who last saw 25 twenty years ago or more . Wake up !! Also have you read ANY of this thread and Jack's intentions towards spousal maintainance ? No ? It shows !!

In short - stop relying on other people - many of whom will only be happy when your wife is working in a care home on minimum wage 50 hours a week and your kids are wearing second hand clothes.

You DO know how old the children are don't you ? :rotfl::rotfl:

Sort your kids and look properly at the figures then speak to your solicitor frankly about what is fair rather than what you can get away with. I can promise you (I work in family law) most will respond and probably ask a barrister for an opinion. If the offer is fair you will be able to point out that the money wasted on court costs could be used to benefit your family again and you might start to repair those relationships. That's priceless.

What is priceless is the fact you are spouting all this nonsense without bothering reading the thread .... Making the tea in a law office doesn't qualify you to spout such nonsense -Your demonstrated reading and comprehension skills indicate your level of competence in this field



Good luck to you Jack and while it might feel I'm getting at you I'm actually trying to put you in touch with the reality of the situation for your wife and children.

Umm I don't think it's Jack who is out of touch with reality......But have a nice day !

duchy

Was it a full moon last night ???

Sorry Jack - your response was much more dignified than mine

Gigervamp

Wow, excellent post Duchy! :T

duchy

Gigervamp wrote: »

Wow, excellent post Duchy! :T

I write my best stuff when I'm angry

Seriously I shouldn't have lost my temper so apologies to the rest of you but I just saw red knowing how hard Jack is finding things at the moment and those ridiculous accusations.

<sits on the norty step>

Gigervamp

Yes, I got quite angry reading it too. All the assumptions made and implying that a woman of Mrs Jacks age is weak and feeble and unable to do anything.

I know the thread is long, but the poster could at least have read all Jacks replies on it to gain knowledge about the situation and then they could have written a more accurate informed post.

thorsoak

In solidarity with womanhood, I prefer to support the woman in cases such as this - but from what Jack has told us - and we have no reason to doubt the veracity of his statements, his wife has not helped herself in any way but has gone out of her way to maximise her spending and outgoings without thinking of any way to support herself - and, by example, has encouraged her two ADULT children to see their father only as a cash cow.

If Mrs Jack had any self-respect/integrity, she would have got off her backside the moment that Jack told her that the the marriage was over. Had I been in her shoes, I would have sashayed off, giving him the finger, put on my big girl pants and makeup - and found myself a job - any job so that I would not be beholden to him for a minute longer than necessary!

But she didn't do that - she decided that she would stay put and play the poor wronged wife/victim Sorry sunshine, but to take him for every penny he's got is SO last year! The trouble with bitterness is that it corrodes every one that it touches.

My respect and sympathy is with Jack in this case - I only hope that it can be resolved fairly soon - and that Mrs Jack finds some self-respect.

carolan78

Thank you Duchy for your post/rant, it saved me a job. I don't think anyone can comment on this thread without reading the WHOLE thread. The situation is far too complex and it is blatantly obvious Jack has tried his best to come to some short term compromise that just about enables him to eat!

The simple fact is this woman needs to return to work to try help herself even if it is working on a supermarket checkout or Christmas temporary staff. She knows what Jacks income is and will be fully aware he can not afford to pay her and the children the stupid amounts she has requested and still be able to put a roof over his head gas in the meter and food on the table (never mind clothes on his back and a bit of entertainment for himself now and then).

I would be bitter if my hubby had just upped and left after 20 odd years of marriage but I would like to think I would also be realistic too. I have no doubt if the kids were younger she would be one of these women that use access as a way to hit back and most sane person knows this only damages the children. As a mother I fully believe she should be swallowing her pride and doing all she can to encourage their children to mend their relationship with Jack, instead from the little information we have gleaned here it appears she is doing the exact opposite.

Jack also won't have woken up one day and just decided he wanted rid of her. The marriage has to have had problems for a while in some shape or form. It takes two to make it work and two to help break it.

JackRS

Thanks again everyone for your support.

Please don't have a go at each other, everyone’s entitled to an opinion and no one has all the facts, not even me.

From the outset I've just asked for opinions and advise. The fact that Hobbyhorse15 gave a different view it is only appropriate in helping me be prepared and have a balanced view. I can read between the lines and know she is making comments on what she has picked up on (I would expect anyone to read it all from the start). So I'm not offended by the comments.

So play nicely kids because I really don't want to discourage alternative views, so lets keep it open to all views. I appreciate many of you were concerned that some of the facts were wrong or didn't agree with your own view.

So let's keep the debate alive but not make it personal because I really appreciate the effort everyone puts into this for me.

Take care.

Gigervamp

I think we all want a fair outcome for both you and your ex-wife. It's just that Hobbyhorse15 seemed to think that we were trying to get you to not give your family hardly any money and if they'd read the thread properly, they'd have seen that it wasn't the case.

Anyway, how are you doing Jack? Did you go out?

Try not to take what your son says to heart. Been there, done that etc with mine on Facebook. It's just an outlet for him to vent his anger.

ampersand

Jack - your post 991 completely reiterates and vindicates EVERY supportive, positive comment about you and your situation that has been written here.

Moving on from selective/skim reader newbie hobbyhorse[ thankyou duchy for an accurate rebuttal] I'm echoing gigervamp's ?

Have you had a copable weekend?
Have you sorted a shortlist of IMA's?
This week and next will fly with the time/input/research your legal advisors need for answers from you by then, in addition to your working week.

It may seem an irrelevance, but a slow cooker would be a good idea as we head into winter. It's so important that you eat well and prepping something simple, leaving it all day, knowing it's ready for you to come back to, is a sound move. Lots of spin-off benefits.
Starting the day with porridge is also good, frugal, healthy.
The old-style Board has hundreds of excellent recipes with simple basic steps. Even if food is currently no more than autopilot fuel, making and eating regular meals needs to become part of your routine, hopefully a pleasure.

Strength and courage, Jack.