Separated, how much should I provide?

Caroline_a

I have been in your wife's situation in a slightly different way, Jack. I split from my ex and moved back to my home town (for several reasons), but had to reinvent my whole career in my late 40's. Nobody funded me, I had to do this myself (and I had younger children than yours). My pride would not have allowed my ex to 'help me' and pay for any training - mainly because I wanted to move on with my life, and I wanted to make my own decisions, and not be obliged to anyone else.

With hindsight, a course would not have helped me. Any IT skills learned in my opinion have to be learned in a work environment. Use it or lose it... I undertook a series of long term temp roles, each one slightly different so that I learnt new skills each time. I am now top flight PA in a global company, with all skills learnt as I went along.

The problem with your wife doing an IT course is that if she doesn't get a job immediately to reinforce these skills then software will have moved on. Then will you be asked to pay for another course? And another?? Then will it be for an MBA as she isn't qualified enough? In my opinion, this is just another way of milking you dry. Many of the large agencies offer free training courses. http://alison.com/course/ offers excellent online courses in all aspects of IT - again all free.

Jack, I'm afraid that hearing all of your wife's demands make me ashamed to be female.

duchy

As she's not working odds are she can get the training funded . Certainly the ECDL . There are various third party companies she can use either online or a training centre where she goes in and works through modules in the various packages at her own pace and then takes the exam. For example in my local town the provider is Pittmans.

The fact she's now starting to look at training is really positive.

kelpie35

I have to say Jack, you have the patience of a saint.

I do not agree with you funding training for your ex, but that is my opinion.

You know what you need to do for your own sanity.

Sorry to hear the news on the selling of your home, but I am sure it will sell in the near future and hopefully that will be one less heartache for you to contend with.

Take care, my thoughts are with you.

justme111

Me ans my ex helped each other after split in different ways so I see nothing mad in an intention to help with training per se. Between 2 grown ups its great. It mat go down well in court as well. I doybt though it is that good an idea in your particular case. There is no trust between you two , "the big guns " of solicitors been fired and it may well be just a continuation of your life long role as a purse which would not be healthy. She can find free training , earn money for training at tills at Tesco or take a loan. Buy again you seem to be the first port of call.She does not come across as someone who has it together and it may be just her way of "doing something" instead of earning her money ! In short , what appears as a noble gesture may well be a continuation of not healthy relationship. Only you know circumstances and amounts and job prospects involved , may be it is right decision but you having doubts about it so probably not besides , your point is To Demonstrate That You Do Not Have Free Money To Give To Her , if you show that you do by paying for a course what would stop her or better saying her solicitors to argue that you CAN afford to give that money to her . Money for courses etc shoyld come from maintenance , thats the whole point of finite period maintenance , is not it ?

justme111

Ps. If you did mot manage to agree the numbers amicably after split and had to involve solicitors I doubt you will be able to discuss anything productively without solicitors as once sharks are involved your "friendly agreements" will be in a way.

JackRS

She can get the training for free if working under 14 hours a week. Current job that has been offered is 10 hours a week so may not need it but I offered to help if needed and offered to help with my own experience and knowledge with the software should she have a problem or question.

RAS

Thanks JackRS

Agree that if you can keep things amicable that is good as long as that does not mean that you are taken advantage of.

It might be a good way of getting that 17 year old numbskull to respect you a bit more.

Hey - at least it looks like she might be starting to work and develop skills for her CV. Which is good news short term and long term.

If she went back into her previous type of work what a sort of salary would she get? Not asking for an answer on herew but just wondered if you had an idea?

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

Thanks JackRS

Agree that if you can keep things amicable that is good as long as that does not mean that you are taken advantage of.

It might be a good way of getting that 17 year old numbskull to respect you a bit more.

Hey - at least it looks like she might be starting to work and develop skills for her CV. Which is good news short term and long term.

If she went back into her previous type of work what a sort of salary would she get? Not asking for an answer on herew but just wondered if you had an idea?

20K maybe if full time?

justme111

Does not sound a lot. I guess she was in some way lucky that she lived with you and dud not have to manage on 20 grand all her life. I understand why you would feel guilty. But imagine that she has got that job full time and you became destitute due to not being able to earn for x reason. Would you then come back to her and expect her to support you ? I guess not because you do not live together anymore and her money is her money. If any of it would be offered voluntarily as a goodwill gesture would been great but that's about it ..

Mojisola

JackRS wrote: »

20K maybe if full time?

20k with no rent or mortgage to pay isn't bad.