Separated, how much should I provide?

beckysbobbles1

Jack, I was only having a similar conversation today with colleagues about what happens when you split up.

It annoys me so much how people feel they deserve to maintain this lifestyle after you split up. Generally it is a joint decision so ownership should be taken on both parties.

I can understand you needing to support your children, but surely when they go to university they can obtain their own funding to pay for this. Of course if you can help out financially then that would be helpful for them.

Has your wife obtained employment yet? Again, I understand it maybe difficult considering she has been out of employment for some time but that doesn't make it impossible.

I have added no value here so sorry, it's been more of a rant. But I do hope things get sorted out for you soon.

JackRS

Treevo wrote: »

So spend it and find out. If she's come from a recommendation and not just a google search, then it's got to be worth it.

And while you're at it - rent an apartment or house NOW. If your outgoings show that you're paying threpence a fortnight for a grotty bedsit - it'll be used against you. And frankly there's absolutely no reason for you to live like you are doing.

You need to stop making excuses and realise that the only person who is going to fight for you, is you.

Just got off the phone to my current solicitor. Because the schedule of outgoings requested were ridiculous and not what she needs right now I’ve got to come up with mine and obviously include rent for a property 2/3 bed and bills also credit card payments etc. So this will show that there’s not enough to go round then have to negotiate.

Her solicitor has still requested divorce costs from me around £1200. My solicitor suggested we agree to half but thinks in court because she has no income I will have to pay all costs now. She thinks they will reject this proposal?

I’ll take this to the new solicitor see what she thinks.

JackRS

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

Jack, I was only having a similar conversation today with colleagues about what happens when you split up.

It annoys me so much how people feel they deserve to maintain this lifestyle after you split up. Generally it is a joint decision so ownership should be taken on both parties.

I can understand you needing to support your children, but surely when they go to university they can obtain their own funding to pay for this. Of course if you can help out financially then that would be helpful for them.

Has your wife obtained employment yet? Again, I understand it maybe difficult considering she has been out of employment for some time but that doesn't make it impossible.

I have added no value here so sorry, it's been more of a rant. But I do hope things get sorted out for you soon.

She's no intension of getting a job, plan A is get what she needs from me. My solicitor has asked the question as to what her plans are to increase her income but they won't be offereing anything.

beckysbobbles1

JackRS wrote: »

She's no intension of getting a job, plan A is get what she needs from me. My solicitor has asked the question as to what her plans are to increase her income but they won't be offereing anything.

That's terrible. Why on earth should you continue to fund her lifestyle!!

I hope you have an excellent solictor who will make this right. Best of luck!

kelpie35

Oh Jack I am so frustrated by this whole post.

You need to listen to all the people who have offered you seriously good advice.

this is my take on what you need to do.

1. Get a place to rent that can accommodate bedrooms in case you children do wish to visit you.

2. Pay your ex the minimum required.

3. Ask solicitor what the minimum you need to pay and then reduce that amount by a couple of hundred. Save that in a savings account.

4. Go to YOUR home, the one YOU are paying for and remove any items that could be used in your new place.

Please, please act now as you will end up on the streets and you are too much of a nice person for that to happen to.

JackRS

kelpie35 wrote: »

Oh Jack I am so frustrated by this whole post.

You need to listen to all the people who have offered you seriously good advice.

this is my take on what you need to do.

1. Get a place to rent that can accommodate bedrooms in case you children do wish to visit you.

2. Pay your ex the minimum required.

3. Ask solicitor what the minimum you need to pay and then reduce that amount by a couple of hundred. Save that in a savings account.

4. Go to YOUR home, the one YOU are paying for and remove any items that could be used in your new place.

Please, please act now as you will end up on the streets and you are too much of a nice person for that to happen to.

But is that advice based on similar circumstance? The advice I'm getting is always conflicting. Current solicitor thinks if we go with some minimum amount I will have to go to court and end up paying more fees and what they request anyway because even if she looked for a job she's not going to be earning much. I will pay another £200 on Friday with other solicitor to get their view.

I am looking for somewhere to rent up to £800/month now but I'm showing that on my list with the cost this adds up to more than I earn but its the same game they are playing.

For this month I paid £900 in the joint, that is now closed and I have not yet given any more money until next month.

Wine_of_the_World

JackRS wrote: »

Current solicitor thinks if we go with some minimum amount I will have to go to court and end up paying more fees and what they request anyway because even if she looked for a job she's not going to be earning much. I will pay another £200 on Friday with other solicitor to get their view.

Sorry - not read the whole thing - but arent they requesting crazy amounts anyway? Cant see a court agreeing to make you pay silly amounts! Especially if you cant actually afford to. You may be better off going to court?

I know solicitors fees add up and up which is really scary - but perhaps by reducing what you are giving her now to CSA levels spending a few hundred a month on one will be cheaper overall anyway. Out of interest how is you ex paying for hers ( hope you arent!).

Defo cancel the accounts/ bills in your name- sometimes that's the only way to get the other person to take things over (speaking from experience).

JackRS

You'll love this, got a text from the ex saying they were away this weekend so I was welcome to pop over and cut the hedges etc. Classic especially as on her list of outgoings she's got £26/month on gardening?

kelpie35

JackRS wrote: »

But is that advice based on similar circumstance? The advice I'm getting is always conflicting. Current solicitor thinks if we go with some minimum amount I will have to go to court and end up paying more fees and what they request anyway because even if she looked for a job she's not going to be earning much. I will pay another £200 on Friday with other solicitor to get their view.

I am looking for somewhere to rent up to £800/month now but I'm showing that on my list with the cost this adds up to more than I earn but its the same game they are playing.

For this month I paid £900 in the joint, that is now closed and I have not yet given any more money until next month.

I feel a bit happier in your response :T

Has she given you a new account of next month's allowance to go into? If not, DO NOT ask for it.

If the rents for your area are around £800 then you have every right to put that down.

Has there been any movement on the sale of YOUR home?

JackRS

Wine_of_the_World wrote: »

Sorry - not read the whole thing - but arent they requesting crazy amounts anyway? Cant see a court agreeing to make you pay silly amounts! Especially if you cant actually afford to. You may be better off going to court?

I know solicitors fees add up and up which is really scary - but perhaps by reducing what you are giving her now to CSA levels spending a few hundred a month on one will be cheaper overall anyway. Out of interest how is you ex paying for hers ( hope you arent!).

Defo cancel the accounts/ bills in your name- sometimes that's the only way to get the other person to take things over (speaking from experience).

Yes crazy amounts which obviously hasn't been agreed by me. My solicitor requested list of what she needs now so we could agree how much I should pay for now. Now joint account is closed she can't take anything so will probably get money from her father until an agreement is in place.

The ex has no intension of paying any fees remember I have been requested to pay as only one with income.