Separated, how much should I provide?

justme111

I think the whole system is perverse if it encourages someone to claim £3000 from someone else who lives in a bedsit. Do not judge your wife too harsh , if society tells her she shoyld ask for it it is difficult to be strong to say no I will not , specially when people are in emotional turmoil of separation.

RAS

JackRS wrote: »

On a more positive note although I didn’t receive any communication on fathers day, my daughter has text today to say she does want to hear from me and wants to meet to clear the air. It turns out that she was considering texting me but didn’t as she’d not heard from me since last week (I was trying to give her the time she asked for). So yes we could debate about who’s to blame here but I’d rather move forward and try and recover this relationship with my daughter.

I am glad that she got in touch.

I think before things go to much further you need to speak to her face to face; explain that you cannot discuss the rights and wrongs of your parting or the ins and outs of the divorce, but you want her to know that you love her whaever happens between yourself and her mother.

She may not actually want to move south with her mother, so you might want to explain that you would be happy to accomodate her if she choose to stay in the area, but would need noice because renting requires you to commit to properties for 6-12 months at a time.

If she asks for direct financial support, you may have to explain that her mother's current request for support would take 80% of your income and would not allow you to provide anything else?

JackRS

Ames wrote: »

Can you not ask around and get personal recommendations? And I'm sure some will offer a free first consultation so you can get to know them a bit.

As far as I can see you've paid £700 for nothing - they've just sent a few letters. Even if you have to pay for half hour consultations to get a feel for a new solicitor it sounds like it'll work out cheaper overall.

I spoke to another one last night who was happy to take the case on and willing to have a chat about the case but no free initial discussion it's £238/hour. She's dealt with both wife's solicitors and my current. She had similar views to me about the fact that my wife is not prepared to earn etc.

Not sure how you go about changing solicitor, is what I've paid for already wasted, do I start again with the new one if so how do I change, or does the new one take care of it?

JackRS

justme111 wrote: »

I think posters above talk sense.do not forget , if you accrue debt now it will be addedvto the pot so better have something for yourself with that money rather than giving it to your ex.

Yes got plenty of debt nearly 10K on 0% cards in my name but paid for faimily holidays (I didn't go this year) and now using to pay solicitors fees.

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

I am glad that she got in touch.

I think before things go to much further you need to speak to her face to face; explain that you cannot discuss the rights and wrongs of your parting or the ins and outs of the divorce, but you want her to know that you love her whaever happens between yourself and her mother.

She may not actually want to move south with her mother, so you might want to explain that you would be happy to accomodate her if she choose to stay in the area, but would need noice because renting requires you to commit to properties for 6-12 months at a time.

If she asks for direct financial support, you may have to explain that her mother's current request for support would take 80% of your income and would not allow you to provide anything else?

Don't think she'll want to know me if refuse the request and pay just 15%.

DS4215

I haven't read the entire thread, but it sounds like you are currently living in a bedsit. With kids, you will want to rent a property that has sufficient room for the kids to stay over (so 2/3 bedroom house or flat). Find yourself such a place, and calculate how much it will cost you to live there - use one of the debt charity calculators to see how much you *have* to spend just to live. (try http://mymoney.nedcab.org.uk/moneyadvice/quickfs.asp#qfform)

Once you know how much just living will cost you, you can work out the *maximum* amount that you can afford to pay her per month - although you will have obligations for any joint debts.

It would be surprising (although not impossible) if a judge were to order you to pay out so much that you could not afford to live/eat/pay bills.

You also need to get something set in writing about changes to your circumstances and hers. You might earn £3k per month *now*, but what if your income drops due to accident/illness/redundancy/etc.

19lottie82

JackRS wrote: »

Don't think she'll want to know me if refuse the request and pay just 15%.

And she does just now?

I agree with the others. You should pay this just now, get yourself a new (Rottweiler) lawyer, and then see what a judge orders you to pay.

You're just setting yourself up for a fall if you pay anymore.

justme111

JackRS wrote: »

Don't think she'll want to know me if refuse the request and pay just 15%.

Well if you have spare money you mat as well give it to her directly . The onus should be on your ex for not working , not on you for mot keeping to provide for your ex.

justme111

If at any point the subject will be brought by her you may write to her that her mum wanted 3 grand while you had £500 left so you did not managed to agree the amount and in any case you paid child support that you were ought to pay.

duchy

What you pay your wife -and what you give your daughter are two entirely different things.

Legally -at this point- all you need to pay your wife is 15% of income -If you choose to increase your daughter's allowance or take her clothes buying , pay for driving lessons, out for meals etc -none of that is part of the "support" accounting.

PLEASE talk to another solicitor -it may be money well spent as at this point everyone thinks you're going to be hung out to dry when you get to court . In an ideal situation when you get to court your wife needs to have some income already- be that JSA and tax credits or a job. By keeping her -you are giving her zero incentive to do either.