Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

Do you want to check whether thay all went through a particular court?

Something another poster linked to suggested that particular courts are more liable to order spousal maintenance and that the courts took the view that if the payer's situation changed, it was their respnsibility to seek a variation?

Well the 3 cases I know about are in different locations.

You mentioned 1998 before was there a law change around then?

themull1

Its funny that your children hate you, but not enough to send their allowance back or stop doing their driving lessons!! My partners daughter hasnt spoken to him for two and a half years, he's stopped trying now, she's nearly 18, not worth the hassle.

LannieDuck

themull1 wrote: »

Its funny that your children hate you, but not enough to send their allowance back or stop doing their driving lessons!! My partners daughter hasnt spoken to him for two and a half years, he's stopped trying now, she's nearly 18, not worth the hassle.

That's a really sad way to think Of course she's worth the hassle, she's his daughter.

FBaby

LannieDuck wrote: »

That's a really sad way to think Of course she's worth the hassle, she's his daughter.

I agree Children are not children only up to 18 years of age. The relationship you have with an adult child is also very valuable and rewarding if very different.

I hated my step-mother with a passion when growing up (My dad's wife) and would have been delighted to never had to set sight on her ever again. But somehow, as I moved away and tensions eased, gradually things got better between us. What really made the difference is when my children were born and I raised them to think of her as their grand-mother. I considered that what had happened between us had nothing to do with them. I think that touched her a lot, she adores them and think I am a wonderful mother. I can say that we are now very close emotionally, up to the point that I sometimes feels closer to her than my own mother, something that i would have completely laughed at when I was a teenager.

Things change. Giving up on a child so early in their lives is indeed very sad.

paulineb_2

themull1 wrote: »

Its funny that your children hate you, but not enough to send their allowance back or stop doing their driving lessons!! My partners daughter hasnt spoken to him for two and a half years, he's stopped trying now, she's nearly 18, not worth the hassle.

I think this is horribly sad. Speaking as someone who grew up without any contact from my father, his choice, I know exactly what its like when someone doesnt want to know you.

And every single situation is different, some kids dont deal with the break up of a family well, my situation was, my dad chose to walk out on me, it wont be like that for everyone

But writing someone off as not worth the hassle, poor kid. Imagine how she might feel if she knew that.

justme111

Themulll , I understand how your partners daughter issue may affect you. I absolutely disagree with what you writtten about hustle, its about that age relationships break down but once those kids grow up /marry / have their own kids things change often , I think it may be more productive if you kept this stance instead of behaving as if she was not worth the hustle.

JackRS

I got the list of her financial requirements on Friday. Actually it added up to £2970 a month. I text to say she’ll need to find a richer man or start to earn something! She wrote that I have to create my list of needs then we negotiate, as that’s the process according to her solicitor. She also made a classic statement ‘surely there’s nothing on the list that you don’t already pay for’ I have lost any sympathy or respect for her.


On a more positive note although I didn’t receive any communication on fathers day, my daughter has text today to say she does want to hear from me and wants to meet to clear the air. It turns out that she was considering texting me but didn’t as she’d not heard from me since last week (I was trying to give her the time she asked for). So yes we could debate about who’s to blame here but I’d rather move forward and try and recover this relationship with my daughter.

CH27

I do hope the meeting with your daughter goes well

kelpie35

I too hope the meeting with your daughter goes well.

Maybe the time you have given her has allowed her to see how much she has to be grateful for.

As to your OP's financial list, it leaves me speechless.

Hope you are able, along with your solicitor, to at least half that amount.

19lottie82

kelpie35 wrote: »

Hope you are able, along with your solicitor, to at least half that amount.

Half? I thought 20% would be more than generous.