Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

madvixen wrote: »

Jack,

I can't believe this is still ongoing - you really do have the patience of a saint. I'd have hired a hitman by now!

With reference to the complaint to Brethertons, would you like a copy of the one we sent? I also have some contact details that may prove useful if you'd like them as well? We ended up shaming them on Twitter but it worked and we finally got the decree absolute. It only took two years :eek:

Stay strong Jack, you'll get there

Thanks maybe PM me?

I have discussed it with financial ombudsman and am using there letter format and have a case reference number. Brethertons are aware, the head of department has written to me and asked me to put my complaint to her. There's more water to pass under the bridge yet so will wait until the process is complete before submitting.

JackRS

I am aware of the risk but basedon what the judge said at the FDR, she indicated that in a final review thejudge would be more likely to order a more even share of the cash asset (housesale), a pension share and maintenance. I feel this would be better forme than the £243K proposal. Therefore my direction, as I wrote before iseither they agree to the terms in letter of 20th April or let thejudge decide in a final hearing.

Your proposed draft letter isnow more in line my feedback, thank you, however I have 4 minor points toconsider:

1) At the top you quote‘JackRSe vs JackRSe’ , please note there is no ‘e’ on the end of my name soshould be JackRS vs JackRS. I don’t know if this is significant orimportant but we may as well get it correct.

2) In the lastparagraph you refer to Spousal Maintenance, actually what I am currently payingis CSA at the recommended amount of £650pcm, I believe because the course termends for his course on 19 June 2015 the CSA government website says that Iwould be expected to pay this until the end of August 2015. I am not surewhat comment should be made but I believe what you are trying to indicate isthat if an agreement was not in place no payments beyond my legalresponsibility for CSA would be made?

3) In terms of thelease car, it would normally be returned and exchange for a new oneeleven months after the current one was collected on 1st August2014. Typically I would receive notification to order a replacement 2 to3 months before the change date. I have not yet receive this but expectto in the next couple of weeks. If we do not have an agreement in place Iwill not order a replacement but just complete the documentation to return thecurrent vehicle, which will probably be required to be returned some time inJuly? If an agreement is made at a later date or at the final hearing, I canorder a new vehicle but it will take 2 to 3 months to process. I do notthink this present so much of a problem to her as she is living with herparents who both have cars that she is insured to drive, however these are thefacts.

4) I wondered if it wasalso worth pointing that despite from one room (kids playroom) where I have hadthe contents (old sofa, coffee table, TV unit, side board and a 16 year old 32’’TV) she has had all the rest of the contents. While I appreciate the 2ndhand value may not be tens of thousands, these items that she has kept were newto us at the time, have value and will obviously help when she starts up hernew home.



I will rely on your opinion ifthe points above should be included and how best to incorporate them in theletter if you feel appropriate.

Would it be appropriate to set adeadline for a response and identify any consequences for missing thatdeadline? I appreciate it’s difficult to be able to implement meaningfulconsequences but I am concerned that there seems to be no incentive to reach anagreement ?

Finally I am mindful of how longit takes to get a final hearing date, is it possible to get that organised inparallel without incurring costs or is that something the applicant shouldorganise? Can we please get a date requested and booked in with the court?

kelpie35

Is this not the second time you have asked your solicitor to get a final hearing date?

I just can't believe, after the amount they are charging you, that they can't get a simple thing like your name correct.

I think you will need more than an A4 size sheet of paper for all your complaints.

Keep going, stay strong and take care.

JackRS

kelpie35 wrote: »

Is this not the second time you have asked your solicitor to get a final hearing date?

I just can't believe, after the amount they are charging you, that they can't get a simple thing like your name correct.

I think you will need more than an A4 size sheet of paper for all your complaints.

Keep going, stay strong and take care.

Oh it's already many pages with 7 different issues and evidence documents to support.

duchy

You'd think she'd know by now that you have already had conversation with her bosses about a complaint and she'd be proof reading everything.

What a shower !

Lunar_Eclipse

kelpie35 wrote: »

Is this not the second time you have asked your solicitor to get a final hearing date?

I just can't believe, after the amount they are charging you, that they can't get a simple thing like your name correct.

Exactly. It's totally unacceptable.

I would actually point this out to them. "At the rate I am being charged for these legal services, I am appalled that such a basic mistake has occurred. This is particularly in light of the fact that I have raised a formal complaint against the firm and thus one might reasonably expect extra care to be taken on my case."

However: I accept the above comment is unhelpful and potentially inflammatory. I'm just gobsmacked at how incompetent they have been and continue to be, time and time again. It's a catalogue of costly and incredibly timely disasters, sadly which only you bear the consequences from.

ampersand

Remember, too, the old connection[former colleague]sitting in Mediation, supposedly impartial.

What a costly, time-wasting farce that was! - not to mention the Pregnancy Divine, which that same Solicitor the First, failed to advise would affect and delay Jack by chucking him into newbie hands. The timescale shows she KNEW this would be so.

The only consistency has been the error-strewn lack of interest in sustaining and pressing Jack's case and Jack's interests at any point, for which he is paying heavily in money, in stress, in draglines on his Life, in delay, in estrangement from his children.

' Justice delayed is Justice denied.'
#

JackRS

I do feel so verydown about everything, it seems no part of my life is bringing me anysatisfaction or pleasure. I’ve been to counselling,I know the drill of self coaching, finding the positives, just like I do when Ispeak to others. Yesterday I was talkingto a guy at work who was telling me of the stress and pressures of his work. So what do I do, I say well we know there isan alternative that we don’t want to think about. Think of your peers at uni, how many of thoseare not in a stable job using the skills you have developed. I said to him you are just like me you worryabout all the things you haven’t done and don’t recognise what you haveachieved. He got my point and thanked me but I know he didn’t reallyfeel any better about his lot. Counsellors tell you, in myexperience, that it’s a choice as nobodyelse can make you feel the way you do in reaction to your circumstances. It’s all about your perception and that comesfrom your life experiences. My lifeexperiences to date make me feel very sad and hopeless for the future. I have no interest in anything as my mind isfull of many other things, the things I used to do and enjoy I don’t anymore. I force myself to do things but Ioften regret it.

Obviously the divorce, how long it’s taking, how much it’scosting and how little I’ll be left with to start again is a crushing forcethat is the foundation to my mood. Thereare other aspect to my life which I haven’t written about as they are toocomplex and not appropriate here but these have a bigger bearing on my mood andmental state. I know what I need to do isto coach myself through this, just like I know what I need to do to get theother aspects of my life back on track, yet I don’t seem to have the willpowerto do these things. I know I have achoice, to get on with it or just wallow in the tragedy which I also know isnothing compared to what so many have to contend with in their lives. I’m just being sad, miserable and feelingsorry for myself, waiting for somethingto happen to pull me out of it but that won’t happen I have find the path outof this. Nobody would be interested insomeone with my mind set right now, talk about baggage and inability to trustsomeone. I guess it’s still early daysand maybe in time I will feel more positive about the future, but whatever theoutcome of the settlement I know I will feel bitter and angry. I wasn’t comfortable with my final offer buteven that’s not been accepted.

Sorry people went on a ramble there, just feeling very low butat the same time angry with myself for feeling that way as I should be ‘countingmy blessings’.

No reply from solicitor yet in terms of updating my responseletter.

nonnatus

Wow, Jack,

I've lurked on your thread for many months now and follow largely because it's so heart-warming to see the level of support you get from your friends here. I never feel like I can add anything to the lovely, sensible advice you're regularly offered and I know VERY little about legal stuff.

I am compelled to finally write today because your post was so very honest and sad. Remember that you are allowed to be a bit sad and you're certainly allowed to grieve - no one should have to put up with what you've had to cope with...

But try to remember also that you wouldn't have made so many friends here (and no doubt in real life as well) if it wasn't so obvious what a decent, honourable, lovely, funny man you are.

Now is NOT the time to find another partner maybe, but when time has passed and all this is water under that proverbial bridge, there will be plenty of equally decent, lovely and funny women only too willing to share your life (even if that life is lived in a hovel eating Own Brand baked beans!!)

Pick a point in your future and aim for it with positivity. This "stuff" that you dignify on a daily basis will soon be history.

You're terrific

tom9980

Just because others are worse off than you doesn't mean you should brush away how you feel. Exercise and routine are important during this rocky period in your life jack building a new life will take time and hard work there is no easy fix for any of it, you just have to keep trying to put one foot forward.