Separated, how much should I provide?

ampersand

What a good idea, duchy!
Glad you had a near-as-normal w/e Jack.

kelpie35

Hi Jack hope you are well and that things are still ticking along for you.

Have you managed to get your living arrangements sorted?

Has there been any backlash from the reduced maintenance?

Take care and remember to look after yourself.

ampersand

Hello kelpie. just in my Sunday shutdown/early night mode which includes similar msg here.

Yours is just right, so I'll second that:-)

A new week, Jack - take care.

JackRS

kelpie35 wrote: »

Hi Jack hope you are well and that things are still ticking along for you.

Have you managed to get your living arrangements sorted?

Has there been any backlash from the reduced maintenance?

Take care and remember to look after yourself.

Well no, am chassing agent for response, they said landlords solicitor was looking into my proposal but don't know yet.

I paid my revised mainenance figure today, so no doubt reaction this week?

ampersand

Thankyou for update Jack. On the poss. reaction front - at most, a Big 'So What?' Words, words, words. Don't anticipate.

We long for the day that 'no news is good news' actually holds true for this Thread and your Life.

I hope you can still feel the genuine concern and support that prompts every single 'Take care' written here, Jack.

JackRS

ampersand wrote: »

Thankyou for update Jack. On the poss. reaction front - at most, a Big 'So What?' Words, words, words. Don't anticipate.

We long for the day that 'no news is good news' actually holds true for this Thread and your Life.

I hope you can still feel the genuine concern and support that prompts every single 'Take care' written here, Jack.

Thanks yes and I do, it means a great deal to me.

19lottie82

I was thinking of you at the weekend Jack. My Dh's boss, who owns the repair garage where he works, is in a horribly similar situation to yours.

He has just split up from his wife, who is a nasty piece of work. She has stopped him speaking to his parents and siblings as she doesn't like them. She won't go out in an evening wearing any shoes apart from those heels with the red soles that cost £500 a pair. Which is ironic as when he met her she was in a council flat in the worst area of the city, in an abusive relationship with a drug addict, and had a 18 month old. He "rescued them" so to speak, took the child on as her own and she has never wanted for anything, or worked, despite his encouragement for her own self worth.

He has a 17 yo DSD and a 10 yo DS with her, who he would never see without. She is "demanding" the full house and 2k a month, her budget includes food shopping in M&S only and £40 a week for Dominos Pizza!

He asked to come round to get some stuff from the house for his new flat, and she met him at the door with 2 Tesco bags of CDs and other personal items. That's all he's getting apparently.

We told him to forget negotiating and go straight to court.
His only blessing is he is self employed in the sense that he co owns 2 garages with 1 other person, which may make it a bit harder for her to get her mitts on everything.

duchy

Doesn't sound very similar at all to be fair.

Frankly what a snobbish post . So she used to be in an abusive relationship and lived in social housing and you still bring it up after seventeen years ? So what ? Is she supposed to be eternally grateful to this mechanic for rescuing her ? Sounds to me like you are only getting one side of the story.

BTW odds are your advice is not the best as with a ten year old she'll probably get house til the child is eighteen and then sold and split fifty fifty plus child support and spousal maintenance Encouraging him to hide income as self employed isn't doing him any favours either- unless you want to see him with a criminal record. He'd be better off trying to negotiate first especially if he was responsible for the split.

EDIT I now see the couple are in Scotland where the law is different - but the basic advice remains the same.

(How is a mature adult "stopped from talking to his parents and siblings" anyway? Are we seriously expected to believe this man owns and runs a business and employs others but isn't "allowed" to speak to relatives? I think you are definitely not seeing the full picture ! )

What stuff did he want from the house? Cooker (currently used to cook his child's food), fridge? surely if there are two or three people living in a home removing them would be strange especially if those people include his own child and one he "raised as his own"

According to this he met her seventeen years ago - waited seven odd years to have a child with her and then stayed another ten ......and has only recently noticed she is controlling? Hmmmm. Is he not very observant or is he perhaps understandably telling it from one viewpoint.

19lottie82

duchy wrote: »

Frankly what a snobbish post . So she used to be in an abusive relationship and lived in social housing and you still bring it up after seventeen years ? So what ? Is she supposed to be eternally grateful to this mechanic for rescuing her ? Sounds to me like you are only getting one side of the story.

BTW odds are your advice is not the best as with a ten year old she'll probably get house til the child is eighteen and then sold and split fifty fifty plus child support and spousal maintenance Encouraging him to hide income as self employed isn't doing him any favours either- unless you want to see him with a criminal record. He'd be better off trying to negotiate first especially if he was responsible for the split.

(How is a mature adult "stopped from talking to his parents and siblings" anyway? Are we seriously expected to believe this man owns and runs a business and employs others but isn't "allowed" to speak to relatives? I think you are definitely not seeing the full picture ! )

Frankly, we have known them both for years, and seen her kick off over nothing in various occasions over next to nothing, so I feel confident in making a realistic judgement.
One example is she didn't speak to him for 2 days because she came in to the garage a few days before the Scottish referendum, and he was fixing a car that had a "no thanks" sticker in the window, and she is / was a strong minded "yes" voter. He should have refused to fix the car, apparently.

Are you honestly trying to tell me, there aren't people out there with strained relationships with their parents / siblings, because they don't get on with their parents.

If a female came on here and said she received verbal abuse / silent treatments (I believe this is called "stonewalling"?) from their male partner because they had spoken to their mother, they would be told this was abuse and to leave / call women's aid ASAP. Not your explanation that this wouldn't be possible for a "mature adult".

And what did he want from the house? I'm not sure exactly. But I guess it would be the option to discuss it, rather than being handed 2 Tesco bags, and then having the door shut in his face.

But anyway I think we should leave it there, as I don't want to hijack Jacks thread any further.

Marisco

duchy wrote: »

Doesn't sound very similar at all to be fair.

Frankly what a snobbish post . So she used to be in an abusive relationship and lived in social housing and you still bring it up after seventeen years ? So what ? Is she supposed to be eternally grateful to this mechanic for rescuing her ? Sounds to me like you are only getting one side of the story.

BTW odds are your advice is not the best as with a ten year old she'll probably get house til the child is eighteen and then sold and split fifty fifty plus child support and spousal maintenance Encouraging him to hide income as self employed isn't doing him any favours either- unless you want to see him with a criminal record. He'd be better off trying to negotiate first especially if he was responsible for the split.

(How is a mature adult "stopped from talking to his parents and siblings" anyway? Are we seriously expected to believe this man owns and runs a business and employs others but isn't "allowed" to speak to relatives? I think you are definitely not seeing the full picture ! )

What stuff did he want from the house? Cooker (currently used to cook his child's food), fridge? surely if there are two or three people living in a home removing them would be strange especially if those people include his own child and one he "raised as his own"

Probably the same way some men are subjected to domestic violence, and are too ashamed to say anything for fear of not being thought "manly".