Separated, how much should I provide?

nicegirl

Good luck today Jack!

CH27

Hope today is productive for you Jack.

kelpie35

Hope today goes well for you Jack.

Take care

RAS

JackRS wrote: »

Well the guy that I lived with before renting worked at my company and his role was dissolved as was a number of others I know. There are 5 guys this year at my level who will take early retirement as like you say our level is always a target. It happens at most companies. I’m sure I could get some proof of sorts?

So start by explaining that very clearly to your wife and the mediator today.

"I might be on a decent salary today but it could be JSA by the end of the year" For me to take on the risk of a much higher mortgage because madam wants to live somewhere more expensive is a problem becuase I may well NOT be able to support it."

And by the sounds of it, there is a possibility that once the course is finished me laddo might want to move back to the area?

Agree that he seems to have grown up a lot in the last year from what you say on your posts.

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

So start by explaining that very clearly to your wife and the mediator today.

"I might be on a decent salary today but it could be JSA by the end of the year" For me to take on the risk of a much higher mortgage because madam wants to live somewhere more expensive is a problem becuase I may well NOT be able to support it."

And by the sounds of it, there is a possibility that once the course is finished me laddo might want to move back to the area?

Agree that he seems to have grown up a lot in the last year from what you say on your posts.

Well I made the point that I wasn’t happy with taking on a large mortgage at this stage with the risk. Yes I can afford it today but if that changes I’ve got a massive debt and can’t pay it off. If she gets what she wants to buy outright she never has that debt.

Well obviously she didn’t accept the proposals and said that her solicitor said if I wasn’t also offering maintenance she should walk out. I said be my guest, the next step is taking it to court which will take at least 10K out of the pot. Anyway I’ll try to summarise the key points over the weekend but it doesn’t look like we’re any closer but she hates me even more and will no doubt tell the kids how I don’t want them to live in a nice house etc. I did make some points which I’ll expand on but basically giving her 68% of the house isn’t enough and the mediator wants to look at my income to see how I can continue to support with maintenance especially after next summer when she would not get CSA £650/m and child tax credits, so they want me to at least continue at current level then considering she is earning 1000/m make up any shortfall for her needs and any mortgage that may be required to add to the funds.

Sorry none of this makes much sense, I was trying to quickly summarise, I’ll clarify over weekend.

So yes feeling fed up and frustrated and loosing hope but I’ll not roll over ....

gele

Jack, you knew deep down she wasn't going to accept your offer unless it was everything you had didn't you? I know that doesn't stop you feeling fed up and frustrated but you mustn't lose hope and you certainly mustn't roll over. That's exactly what she wants. I haven't been through a divorce thankfully so am no expert, but if she wont accept 68% of house then she probably wont accept 70% or 75% if you go back with that either, so I really think you should take your chances in court. I cant see how you could be any worse off in the long run. She's made it clear she wants spousal maintenance for the rest of her life and according to other more informed posters theres no guarantee of that in court. She also knows you don't want to go to court - so thinks you'll give in. Please don't. Keep your chin up and if she is going to try to take you for everything make her work damned hard for it in court.

ampersand

'.....but I’ll not roll over ....'
#
No, you won't, Jack - because we'll all be holding you up, head high, steady, shoulders back and broad.
Mind you, 'feeling fed up and frustrated' is what we feel just READING successive chapters in your horror story and we are not the ones suppurating in it.

Of course it is madness. You are too decent for your own good. Even back to your comment about son and driving - WHO FUNDED THE CAR?

Wish I could bring tomorrow's All Blacks' Bledisloe Cup team to your aid. I'll be shouting them to 18th straight victory[hopefully]come the morrow.

My apologies for a post that contributes nothing constructive, Jack, just another huge helping of empathy.

Can you answer whether an accountant has been let loose on her financial 'woes', or yours, which are real? #1658

A mad thought - IF a house was agreed by ex, financed by you, why should you not be her landlord at a slightly reduced market rent, AST, variable, with you having right to sell in 3 years/also variable?

Jack, your children will be teenagerly tiring of her repetitive rantings and have already developed some clear sight of their own independently, daughter first, son catching up.

I'm still not seeing an answer about you recording Mediation. Are you? Can you?

springdreams

Jack, sorry to hear things didn't progress today.

I personally think that mediation is not working because you are going there to compromise and reach an agreement, yet your ex is going there to bully you into agreeing to give her what she wants. She does not sound like she is willing to reach a compromise on her demands.

She has not given you an inch since this whole thing started, and has in fact only increased her demands. She wants to continue living as though she is still married to you even after the divorce.

Unfortunately I think the only way this is going to be resolved is by the court. Yes it will take £10k out of the pot, but it will be the pot before it is divided, so you will both take the hit. Dragging this out any further in an attempt to reach an amicable resolution outside of court, which does not seem likely due to your ex's unwillingness to compromise, will merely add solicitors fees to the £10k. So you may as well take the hit now and save on any further solicitors and mediators fees.

Then you can get on with your life ...

Reams

JackRS wrote: »

Well I made the point that I wasn’t happy with taking on a large mortgage at this stage with the risk. Yes I can afford it today but if that changes I’ve got a massive debt and can’t pay it off. If she gets what she wants to buy outright she never has that debt.

Well obviously she didn’t accept the proposals and said that her solicitor said if I wasn’t also offering maintenance she should walk out. I said be my guest, the next step is taking it to court which will take at least 10K out of the pot. Anyway I’ll try to summarise the key points over the weekend but it doesn’t look like we’re any closer but she hates me even more and will no doubt tell the kids how I don’t want them to live in a nice house etc. I did make some points which I’ll expand on but basically giving her 68% of the house isn’t enough and the mediator wants to look at my income to see how I can continue to support with maintenance especially after next summer when she would not get CSA £650/m and child tax credits, so they want me to at least continue at current level then considering she is earning 1000/m make up any shortfall for her needs and any mortgage that may be required to add to the funds.

Sorry none of this makes much sense, I was trying to quickly summarise, I’ll clarify over weekend.

So yes feeling fed up and frustrated and loosing hope but I’ll not roll over ....

Please don't assume that she is turning the children against you. Our daughter loathed her father, not for taking up with another woman, that was a regular happening, but how he had treated me over the years.
I begged our daughter to allow her father to attend her graduation dinner, saying she would regret it if not. It was a total disaster him going outside numerous times to phone his new woman and even receiving two phone calls during the speeches. Daughter asked him to leave at 10.30pm and she and I have never spoken of it since.
I ruined her once in a lifetime night.
If she marries, I won't interfere again, but I daresay he will say I poisoned her mind against him.

JackRS

ampersand wrote: »

'.....but I’ll not roll over ....'
#
No, you won't, Jack - because we'll all be holding you up, head high, steady, shoulders back and broad.
Mind you, 'feeling fed up and frustrated' is what we feel just READING successive chapters in your horror story and we are not the ones suppurating in it.

Of course it is madness. You are too decent for your own good. Even back to your comment about son and driving - WHO FUNDED THE CAR?

Wish I could bring tomorrow's All Blacks' Bledisloe Cup team to your aid. I'll be shouting them to 18th straight victory[hopefully]come the morrow.

My apologies for a post that contributes nothing constructive, Jack, just another huge helping of empathy.

Can you answer whether an accountant has been let loose on her financial 'woes', or yours, which are real? #1658

A mad thought - IF a house was agreed by ex, financed by you, why should you not be her landlord at a slightly reduced market rent, AST, variable, with you having right to sell in 3 years/also variable?

Jack, your children will be teenagerly tiring of her repetitive rantings and have already developed some clear sight of their own independently, daughter first, son catching up.

I'm still not seeing an answer about you recording Mediation. Are you? Can you?

Yes I'm listening through it now.