sister feud

june.elizabeth

I was in this position with my Fathers brother. The only difference was I was a rebellious teenager. I did what I knew was right. I told my dad first and we then never discussed it again. I continued to visit my uncle and was pleased I did.

Pollycat

I think it's really unfair of your Mum to have deprived you of your Aunt's company & friendship for so many years just because she didn't want to see her.

In your shoes, I would definitely go to see your Aunt and I would also tell your Mum what you plan to do rather than risk her finding out.

I don't actually agree that you should have blind loyalty to someone just because they are your Mum.

I hope your Aunt is really pleased to see you - and I hope your Mum comes to her senses, albeit very belatedly, and decides to go to see her sister before it's too late.

pollypenny

Firstly, we don't know the reason for the estrangement, so we can't call your mum anything.

However, since you clearly have affection for your aunt, we have your answer. Tell your mum that you intend to visit, and support, your aunt, dressing it up as you wish.

You never know, she might, with a bit of a show of reluctance, come too.

Pollycat

pollypenny wrote: »

Firstly, we don't know the reason for the estrangement, so we can't call your mum anything.

Maybe not, but the OP did say this:

meritaten wrote: »

The thing is - I feel mum is mostly to blame for the row and she has been told of her sisters cancer' and her attitude is 'I don't care'.

plus the fact that the OP says her Mum would be furious if she found out that she'd been to see her aunt and says her Mum will 'pile on the guilt' and that her Mum is very unforgiving and can cut people out of her life if they go against her and you can't reconcile with her - all of which to me says a fair bit about the OP's Mum.

suejb2

Now this is my personal opinion but I regret the things I have NOT done rather than the things I HAVE done.

meritaten

Thank you all for your words of kindness and sympathy. I will be going to see aunty probably on Monday, and my younger sister is coming with me. we told mum we were going and she didn't say a word! in fact she acted as if she hadn't heard so I guess her stance now is to ignore this. That's ok - makes life a bit easier on us I suppose.
I think the chance of a reconciliation between mum and aunt is right now NIL. neither want to see each other - though I hope that will change.

meritaten

Judi wrote: »

Periodically i go and see my Auntie. Having no relationship with my Mother, she doesnt know i go and see Auntie. Auntie doesnt tell her either when she speaks to her because Mom would be angry with both her and me.

I go and see her when she is on her own and i dont tell anyone ive been.

I couldnt have lived with myself if i hadnt kept in contact with her and Auntie is always happy to see me.

Lol - cant get away with that in Valleys! my mum would know exactly where I was before aunt had the kettle on! The Taffia (which is staffed by gimlet eyed nanas who know everyone elses business) would be on the phone to mum the minute my foot went over the doorstep!:)

koalamummy

Meritaten I am another one who thinks you should go and see your aunt. Could you honestly live with the consequences if you didn't? Your mum may annoyed to start with, but she is your mum and clearly loves you or you would not still be in as much contact after all these years if there was not a strong bond. She will get over it as you would too if one of your children went against your feelings on something. In the majority of cases the parent child bond is too strong to break no matter what.

KxMx

Living your life to please other people/ not upset them is no kind of life at all.

Good luck for Monday

exarmydreamer

meritaten wrote: »

Lol - cant get away with that in Valleys! my mum would know exactly where I was before aunt had the kettle on! The Taffia (which is staffed by gimlet eyed nanas who know everyone elses business) would be on the phone to mum the minute my foot went over the doorstep!:)

I understand what your saying being a fellow valley girl, no secrets........:( but I now live nearer to Cardiff in a town, which is more like an extension to the Cardiff suburbs!. I have more secrets now to keep to myself.:)