sister feud

brians_daughter

My opinion?

Go see Mum, sit down with a cuppa.. Conversation to go something like this

You "mum, you know how Aunt X isn't well?"
Mum "yes"
You "well, I have decided i MUST go and see her, i feel like i need to see her and show my support. Will you/Do you want to come with me'

You're showing support to Aunt, and maybe giving the option for mum to visit too? Regardless of if she accepts or not you have informed mum and asked her to attend.

Mum's heard it from you that you are going (so no tom-tom drums beating as she will already know) and if needs be make it clear to Mum that she's brought you up 'better' than to ignore your feelings etc, if she chooses to go with you or not is her call, and as she knows you are visiting she can ask you about Aunts welfare if she sees fit?

marisco_2

Meritaten I am really sorry to hear of your worries. It must be a very worrying time for you.

Your mums argument, subsequent dischord and loss of contact with your aunt is very unfortunate. I think it is sad that she chooses to show no concern for your aunts current serious health problems and isn't taking an opportunity to resolve things between them both.

I dont know at what age you were when the problems between your mum and her sister began. To be honest at whatever age you were, you should never have been embroiled in their decision, to not stay in touch. Everyone is entitled to maintain relationships with relatives they are close to and have a real affinity with, even when another close relative decides to cut contact. The contact should be allowed and encouraged to continue and no-one should be made to feel guilty about doing this. It can be very upsetting and damaging to people when they feel forced to break important relationships.

What is your gut instinct telling you to do? You speak with very clear love and affection for your aunt and I honestly think you would regret not going to see her and helping her through this very difficult time in her life. Your mum should try to show some empathy and find it within her to recognise your need to do this and not make you feel bad or guilty if you do decide to go ahead.

scottish_lassy

brians_daughter wrote: »

My opinion?

Go see Mum, sit down with a cuppa.. Conversation to go something like this

You "mum, you know how Aunt X isn't well?"
Mum "yes"
You "well, I have decided i MUST go and see her, i feel like i need to see her and show my support. Will you/Do you want to come with me'

You're showing support to Aunt, and maybe giving the option for mum to visit too? Regardless of if she accepts or not you have informed mum and asked her to attend.

Mum's heard it from you that you are going (so no tom-tom drums beating as she will already know) and if needs be make it clear to Mum that she's brought you up 'better' than to ignore your feelings etc, if she chooses to go with you or not is her call, and as she knows you are visiting she can ask you about Aunts welfare if she sees fit?

totally agree with the above. You will be following your heart and doing the 'normal' and right thing. If your mum goes ballistic, she is acting like a child and not a normal adult - that's how it will look to an outsider In fact, if you don't go to see your aunt, your behaviour will look as strange as your mother's to outsiders!!!!!

coinxoperated

Go and see her. You have more time to make up a petty feud with your mother than you will have to say your goodbyes to your aunt. Just go and do it, you will hate yourself if you don't and it's too late.

pavlovs_dog

meritaten, I really feel for you because my family has operated in a very similar way.

If I've learnt anything over the years, it is that honesty is the best policy. Things cause less hurt from the horse's mouth than they do through the grapevine. I've had many 'I know you'll probably not approve but I need to ....' chats over the years.

Thinking of you xx

Lance

I would think your Aunts suffering and your guilt, that will last a lifetime, far out weighs your mothers temper tantrum. TBH from what you say about your relationship with your mother she may well cut you off, and your brother as he sounds like he will visit aunt with you, so mummy will lose contact with 2 children and have only her anger and knowledge she was 'right' to support her...... she may have other family / children / friends to support her so may not worry about cutting the pair of you out. It is your mother choice.

Gigervamp

Go and see your Aunt and spend some precious time with her, she needs you now. Your brother has stood up to your mum and so can you.

(hugs)

joolsybools

So 27 replies and not a single one saying don't go.

Your mother sounds like a selfish ***** but you probably know that already.

neverdespairgirl

meritaten wrote: »

I just feel torn in two - mum and I don't have the best of relationships, but she IS my mother and I feel I should be loyal to her. Yet my aunt is quite close in age to me and we were VERY close.

I agree you should be loyal to your parents.

But loyalty to me doesn't include cutting your dying aunt out because your mother had a row with her 15 years ago, especially as you think it was at least partly your mother's fault!

pinkduvetdiva

brians_daughter wrote: »

My opinion?

Go see Mum, sit down with a cuppa.. Conversation to go something like this

You "mum, you know how Aunt X isn't well?"
Mum "yes"
You "well, I have decided i MUST go and see her, i feel like i need to see her and show my support. Will you/Do you want to come with me'

You're showing support to Aunt, and maybe giving the option for mum to visit too? Regardless of if she accepts or not you have informed mum and asked her to attend.

Mum's heard it from you that you are going (so no tom-tom drums beating as she will already know) and if needs be make it clear to Mum that she's brought you up 'better' than to ignore your feelings etc, if she chooses to go with you or not is her call, and as she knows you are visiting she can ask you about Aunts welfare if she sees fit?

Absolutely spot on.
One Friday afternoon last July, my brother drove my mum to see her long time friend, who'd been like a dad to me. I toyed with the idea of going, but decided not to. On the following day he had a stroke and passed away on the Monday morning. I will always regret not going to see him.
OP, I'm glad you've decided to go and see your Aunt. I hope your mum can patch things up before it's too late. Life's too short.