Worst Time Of My Life Ever!

dianadors

As i have said before. it will take time, but one thing we did was to start creating more happy memories for us - going forward and not thinking back. The past is gone and all you have is a future. Our "episode" happened in summer 2003 and the b*tch in question had a kid at the same school as mine so I had to face seeing her twice each day which was hard - but it toughened me up! It was also hard because EVERYBODY knew about it because she had been bragging about it! However in the end she got egg on her face when she was dumped! Once we decided to give it a go, I made sure that we had twice as much fun as we had previously. Everything was geared up to us getting on. By creating happy times it made us look forward to more happy times. I also made sure that we always had something to be looking forward to.
Its hard for you, but it is also hard for her because there is nothing she can do that will make it better for you, and she knows this. You are also stopping her when she tries. It comes across to me like you are still angry with her, which is understandable, but will seriously hinder your recovery as a family. Whatever she does to try and make it up to you - let her. She seems to be really trying. How much fun can you have in the month of July - I challenge you!!!

southwester_2

Good Idea - DD

I'll work on the July fun

dianadors

And get her to work on it too.

southwester_2

She is in a mess, she has just phoned me, her car has had a problem which has now been in the garage for the fourth time for the same thing, and they've ordered the wrong part again.

She has just broke down on the phone again, saying she is peed off with it all, crying like mad and I cant get out of work

Lucy1982_2

Oh sweetheart.

Is there anyway that you can both do something to cheer yourselves up this evening? Try and have a night off from all your troubles.

ZTD

southwester wrote: »

Does anybody have any ideas how I can deal with these images better, except it taking time.

Reliving images are probably just be part of the stress you've suffered. They should get better over time, as the event fades.

How long do they last?

It may be that you are both paying them too much attention. Have your flashback, then continue on with what you were doing. IYSWIM. Rather than dwell on them.

southwester wrote: »

Not sure what to do, wife has received a £1500 bonus and she said she would use it to pay off my HSBC card, I dont feel comfortable with this, in the present situation and have told her so, she is being quite insistant.

I see this as a sign that she does not want you struggling on your own anymore - and is trying to bring you both together to tackle things as a "team effort".

This is certainly better than the initial days where she seemed to expect you to do all the running to placate her.

Frugal_Fox

SW,

I've just caught up with the thread. Sorry your weekend ended badly.

As for your wife offering to help financially - I think thats a real start. She has acknowledged your debts, and is trying to assist you in resolving them. I take that as a really positive sign. She is committed to you, and the sooner the debts are gone the better life you all can have.

Your wife seems to have recovered from the initial 'grieving', seems to be aware of what she has with you, and I think is genuinely keen to move on. She's obviously feeling really low, and the problems with the car have just compounded that.

I don't know how you are with each other at the moment, but I would suggest (not knowing your cooking skills either!) cooking her a simple meal for you and her tonight, and running a bath for her - if she's a bath sort of girl. Yes, she made the initial mistake, but she's had a rotten day. You both need to get back to basics, doing those little things for each other that show you care. Spend some time together tonight, no tv, no distractions, just each other.

Best wishes
FF

southwester_2

ZTD - They can last for 5 -10mins, although whenI had the nightmare, it went on for about 2 hours

FF - Thanks - we had a good chat last night, she says she needs to sort this out in her head on her own, without me asking to many questions. To be honest that is how she has always been with everything, so I need to respect that otherwise I will push her away. She knows that talking helps me but it is not helping her with the guilt and disgust she is feeling at hurting me. Told me last night she has no feelings for him at all and wants us to work it out but she needs to sort this out in her head on her own. I offered to leave on Sunday to give her that space, but she doesnt want that at all, she just wants me to stop the questions. All I am asking is '' Are u OK'', ''What are you thinking etc,'' Only occasionally do I ask '' has he been in contact and related to the affair things. Dont think thats too much considering but If its going to work I need to respect those wishes, theres no other way really.

dreams_R_free

Lucy1982 wrote: »

My other suggestion as much as I hate making it would be to see your doctor. I refused to take anything for my depression but was given so time off to deal with everything. If not, try some St John's Wart, it's a herbal anti-depressant (available in boots) and while it wont take your problems away it will help you deal with them. I know that this seems like giving in, but sometimes it's ok to ask for help.

I agree with Lucy on this,SW.

I can't ever admit to needing help(a major problem of mine all my life:o .) I had to visit my GP on a routine medical matter and whilst there I just broke down in tears. Just so unlike me. He was so patient with me and very gently found out a little about my personal difficulties.I would never have sought help for them otherwise, it just all came flooding out. What he did do, for which I shall be eternally grateful, was refer me for counselling. I used to think all that sort of thing was so self-indulgent and almost silly:o . How wrong I was! I had a few sessions where I could talk to someone who was removed from the situation and who didn't know me. I found that invaluable. My counsellor listened in a totally unjudgemental way and together we discovered strategies for coping with the bad things that life was throwing at me. I can honestly say that my approach to life's difficulties is totally different now. I get 'down' as we all do from time to time but I feel I'm in control now of how 'down' I let myself get.

Just a thought SW. It might just help you dealing with the images. On the downside, I had to wait several weeks after the initial referral before my first session so it's not an immediate source of help.

Take care
Imp

dianadors

One of the things that we did for "fun" was to start going to Comedy Clubs and to see our favorite comediens - this was something we hadnt done before. We went to see most of the cast of Phoenix nights perform their individual stand up routines - and almost split our sides laughing. Laughing together got us back together on track. We also had dvd nights watching out takes from our favorite films.