Worst Time Of My Life Ever!

southwester_2

Hi DD

Sorry been away, we went out together last Friday, went to a pub we used to go to they had a great singer on although it was quieter than usual, smoking ban I think etc but had a good time.

Contacted the Horse Riding place we used to go, her idea and have booked that for Sunday week and son can go too.

This week has been busy as son is playing cricket 3 times this week.

I think we may be over the worst, although a long way to go, a lot more together than we ever used to be.

Thanks

dianadors

Music to my ears!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep up the great work - be warned, there will be hiccups, but nothing you cant get over. Well done - I'm proud of you both.

catewithers

southwester wrote: »

Hi DD

Sorry been away, we went out together last Friday, went to a pub we used to go to they had a great singer on although it was quieter than usual, smoking ban I think etc but had a good time.

Contacted the Horse Riding place we used to go, her idea and have booked that for Sunday week and son can go too.

This week has been busy as son is playing cricket 3 times this week.

I think we may be over the worst, although a long way to go, a lot more together than we ever used to be.

Thanks

This all sounds so positive. Really chuffed for you. Second what DD says though - there's bound to be hiccups so don't go freaking out the first time something goes wrong!

southwester_2

HI CW

And thanks, you know what I mean.

DD - Saw the free renault tickets, her Dad loves racing and does a lot for us around the house, he used to be a builder, so I ordered 4 tickets for us to take him up there, she was delighted about the thought and sent me an e-mail whilst I was at work today, telling me so.

southwester_2

OK we had a real blip this weekend, was going brilliantly and it all came out again, but we both realised the next day we would have these times and things seemed fine again on Sunday. We are really trying but aI am having some thoughts which worry me considering how much I wanted her back. I have thought a couple of times do I want to stay with somebody that has done this? Strange because when I am with her I Dont feel that, must be a natural part of getting over it

dianadors

I can identify with your mixed up feelings SW. In our early stages, the blips always seemed to come immediatley after having a really good time, so I would go from a real high to a real low - then back up again. I was never in any doubt about how much I wanted to be with mu hubby, and after we had talked and talked we both could see how it had happened, but it still cuts like a knife that he did it. I suppose in your case, what she did immedietley followed your revelations about your debt and gamboling etc, and I would have been equally distraught had my hubby revealed something like this too. I suppose she too might have had similar feelings wondering if she could trust you etc etc. As I said in an earlier posting, you have both put each other through an awful lot this year, and its really hard to take the blame for things but the phrase "6 of one and half a dozen of the other" springs to mind. Its great that you are both trying and not just running away from each other.
We have got tickets for Donnington - we went last year and had a great time. Weve booked a campsite nearish for the weekend and are planning to have a good weekend(should it have stopped raining by then!!!) Continue planning the "fun" into your lives. xx

Snaggles

SW do you think it's like grieving, when you have the pain and the sadness, and then the anger, and then the acceptance? You are grieving for what you had, maybe it's a positive sign that you are having those thoughts - it means you're starting to move on a stage? I don't know hun, but I hope so anyway. I could, as usual, be talking absolute rubbish though!

southwester_2

It does feel like grieving Snaggles, especailly the first two weeks, whcih as you know were awful;

As DD says, we have both been through a lot, although the affair was going on before I told her about my problems; DD is also right, one minute your up and then your down and it can turn in an instant, talk about a rollercoaster. She has changed, more attentive to me, she is trying and I really appreciate that, but I am trying to be patient and waiting for that spark!!, which she says will take time, that is now the hard bit for me; She also said she felt we were definately getting there, so there is hope, we are closer now than we have been for two years., but that missing ingredient has to come back, otherwise there is no point in pretending it will

chunky79

I complete;ly agree with dianadors, the trust has beeb broken in both parts of the marriage and thats probably why its harder although you did not betray your wife with someone else. Its still a trust issue. I also think that snaggles has a very good point in that it seems that although it rears its ugly head now and again your moving on!

My PO is that you to start with was 100% sure that you wanted your marriage to work even when it was very raw. I now think that maybe you have your slight doubts purely becuas eits harder work than expected and i think you thought that you could deal with it better. The good thing from this is that your happy when you are with her. if you were thinking this when your with her then the alarm bells would ring for me. Time alone thinking can sometimes be your own worst enemy!!!

dianadors

I think mourning is a good description. It made me realise that we didnt have the relationship that I thought we had. I was so sure in the past that my hubby would not do anything like this - I would have staked my life on it! Thinking about it afterwards, its unrealistic to think like this - no one has any gaurantees. I also realised that we had both stopped working at our relationship. Life, kids, work etc gets in the way an awful lot and I took him for granted. It is mighty hard work putting a relationship back together - but for me, splitting up would have been harder. I couldnt bear not having the man I love in my life.