Worst Time Of My Life Ever!

dreams_R_free

I agree with everything Lucy has just said.

I read your account of the weekend with tears in my eyes SW. I'm so rooting for you and your wife to get through this. Big virtual hug on its way to you.

Take care
Imp

saffronflowers

SW firstly a big hug, I am for one am worried about you, I am worried about what all this stress and pressure is doing to your health, from your posts I have gathered you are very sporty, is there any chance that you could go away somewhere for a long weekend on your own and be good to yourself, pack a tent and just go.

You are an amazing human being with a lot of compassion please look after yourself.

SFx

southwester_2

Need to take a day at a time, think I wa worrying too much about what might happen, one day at a time from now on.

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

Don't post often SW but you may recall I've been where you are, during the bad times, immediately after discovery, the walking on eggs shells was awful, both worried about what to say etc, etc. I think you have hit the nail on the head you really have to take it one day at a time for now, talk when you want to, listen to each other too and see how it goes. I so admire your determination and the effort you are putting into this if anyone deserves happiness its you and I promise (without patronising) it will happen.
love and hugs
IDA
x

southwester_2

Thanks IDA, Last night was a better night for us both

blackangeluk

Hi SW, so sorry to hear your weekend finished on a bad note. I know it's difficult but also think about how much you enjoyed the weekend overall, it may have finished on a difficult note but it wasn't all bad was it? Your wife is still feeling guilty about what has happened and so she will be more aware of what she is doing, you are both feeling different ways about different things, you have to deal with what she has done and she has to deal with the guilt of what she has done.

It sounds like you are communicating really well and you may find that for the next few weeks you will have to go with the flow. The images you get will become less and less as time goes on. I really hope it works out the way you want it to. It will take time but I think if you are both determined you will get through it.

TC

debtdummy

massive hugs
ive just sat and read 21 pages and i am crying floods, you sound so nice and caring, i so hope things improve,
My debt pushed me away from my bf and i was heart broken, u have been together for so long ..... i really hope you stay together............
hugs hugs hugs_pale_

southwester_2

Hi Debtdummy

Sorry just picked up on your post, thank you for your thoughts

southwester_2

Does anybody have any ideas how I can deal with these images better, except it taking time.

Not sure what to do, wife has received a £1500 bonus and she said she would use it to pay off my HSBC card, I dont feel comfortable with this, in the present situation and have told her so, she is being quite insistant.

Lucy1982_2

Not sure how you can deal with the images. They way I dealt with my split from my ex fiance was to relive it over and over again until it didn't hurt anymore. But as he also had an affair I would advise this. I suffered from depression because of it.

How often do you think about the good times you have had together? I found that helped in the end, you have dedicated x number of years to your relationship so there must be good times in there somewhere. Try and think of these everytime you can feel an image coming on (I alway know when I'm getting down) My other suggestion as much as I hate making it would be to see your doctor. I refused to take anything for my depression but was given so time off to deal with everything. If not, try some St John's Wart, it's a herbal anti-depressant (available in boots) and while it wont take your problems away it will help you deal with them. I know that this seems like giving in, but sometimes it's ok to ask for help.

Perhaps in offering to pay off your cc she is trying to show you that she's trying to deal with your problems as a couple. In a what's mine is yours etc kind of way. I can understand why you feel uncomfortable about it though. Personally I would take the money and treat it as an offering for your relationship. Maybe the way to look at it is like this:

She would not offer you the money if she wasn't willing to fight for you and your relationship and while money can't buy happiness or someone's love this is something she can do for you that will make some difference to your life. It wont make up for what she did, but it might make her feel a bit better about her treatment of you. I hope that makes some sense.

Have you thought about going away on your own for a few days to sort yourself out? I mean have a think about everything, who you are and where you want to be. Sometimes being away from the person that caused the problem can help you understand what you need to do. I know you have a son, but this may even be a good thing for him. My parents divorced and it was the best move my Mum made for me. I didn't grow up seeing my parents unhappy and arguing, I have a devoted mother who is my best friend. Unfortunatley my Father walked out of my life when I was 12 and I haven't seen him since.

I don't know if any of this makes sense or is any help, but there are people out there who can offer you some support, we will you know that. Thinking of you and I hope that things get better soon.

Take care of yourself

xx