Worst Time Of My Life Ever!

southwester_2

I agree catewithers but the meeting didnt go to well, she didnt feel comfortable with a man being the councellor

catewithers

southwester wrote: »

I agree catewithers but the meeting didnt go to well, she didnt feel comfortable with a man being the councellor

Well I can kind of understand that. It is possible to change counsellors though. There's no guarantee that you're going to be comfortable with someone, regardless of whether they're male or female, and any counsellor worth their salt would expect that some clients may not feel able to work with them.

Can you call Relate and ask about the possibility of having a female counsellor? That's assuming you'd be happy with that of course.

ZTD

southwester wrote: »

I agree catewithers but the meeting didnt go to well, she didnt feel comfortable with a man being the councellor

Forgive me for butting in here. This does seem to be a lot about her. She's had an affair, put a tear in the soul of your family unit, then is complaining "I don't fancy you - what are you going to do about it?" and "I don't like going to Relate, because there's a bloke there."

When you say she doesn't fancy you: Would she have left you if you hadn't discovered her affair? Was she able to kiss you before you discovered her affair? Do you think she would have just played nice happy families with you, and had sex with him - the best of both worlds?

Are you still covering up for her?

southwester_2

ZTD

The dont fancy bit / kissing problem has been going on before the affair, we never confronted it until the affair.It hasnt happened overnight, it has happened over a period of time

As for covering up for her, maybe I am but that is because I WANT too and want her back as we were before. As for her carrying it on if I didnt find out she doesnt know what would have happened but is ashameful it happened in the first place and is pig sick as am I.

Dithering_Dad

southwester wrote: »

ZTD

The dont fancy bit / kissing problem has been going on before the affair, we never confronted it until the affair.It hasnt happened overnight, it has happened over a period of time

As for covering up for her, maybe I am but that is because I WANT too and want her back as we were before. As for her carrying it on if I didnt find out she doesnt know what would have happened but is ashameful it happened in the first place and is pig sick as am I.

You say that you want her back as before, but which "before"? Before the affaire when she betrayed you or before the point when the "dont fancy bit / kissing problem" occured?

It sounds to me that her feelings changed a long time ago and that the affaire was a part of a greater problem, namely that you've grown apart and are different people from the ones who met up when you were just kids. It sounds like she's ready to move on and maybe you need to move on too?

EDIT: My post sounds really harsh now that I read it again so sorry for that, but the message that I'm trying to get across is that sometimes relationships just come to a natural end, no matter how much we may regret it. I've been on both ends of a relationship termination (giving and receiving) and they're always painful but looking back there was not a single one where I think it was wrong to end it.

southwester_2

Maybe ........... but at the moment thats not what I want and she wants to get it back to, if we cant we cant and we will have to go through th break up

dreams_R_free

I know it sounds like a bit of harsh advice but I tend to agree with Dithering Dad. It sounds as if the problems she felt in the marriage caused her to have the affair and although she is obviously heartbroken to have hurt you so much it doesn't mean that things can go back to the early days of your relationship. You told us that you met and married young and it's a fact of life, unfortunately, that people grow apart. We are none of us the same people we were in our early 20s (that's if you're over the hill like me:rotfl: )

You might have been/will be quite content to have a marriage where passions have cooled but I suspect your wife still needs a bit more than that. Maybe you are just being too nice to her at the moment. I just feel she craved some excitement in her life and because you are so nice,caring and understanding she is going along with you and trying to heal things now. There is nothing worse than seeing every day how much you have hurt someone you care for, but it doesn't mean she is going to 'fall in love' with you all over again.

I'm sorry if this upsets you but I'm a realist after being there and getting the T-shirt:eek:

southwester_2

Morning

Just a quick update as I dont plan on posting too much longer.

We have decided that we are going to give it a go, some of you may think Im foolish but that is what we want to do. We both want to make it work, we both have to make changes and realise that it could be a long road, that may or may not work at the end of it but that is what we have decided.

We both now want to look to the future and not the past, which is going to crop up, we now that and I will probably get images for a long time to come.
We know that she has to learn to want me again, nothing will be easy.
Hopefully this will make us stronger after the hardest time of our lives.

It has been a great help, especially when I first posted and was in a complete state of shock, thank you all for supporting me.

xx

Dithering_Dad

Good Luck SW. I hope it works out for the best

saffronflowers

Fantastic and I for one wish you the best of luck - I wish you the happiest of futures

SFx