Worst Time Of My Life Ever!

catewithers

SW - it is possible for her get that back but she has to be prepared to work on it. It sounds like she is but, like you, is feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all.

Her not being able to kiss you at the moment could be down to simply feeling so guilty and wretched about what she's done as well. Give it time.

pania

bump bump!! you ok SW?

ashtongate

SW,

Really understand the problem with images and the frustration of "she wont do that to me, but she did it too him" feeling (Make love, kiss etc), but it does fade. Although I have to be honest over a year later there are still flashbacks. Friends tried to encourage me to try and say - Thats its it over or in some way threaten it. i.e test her feelings. See how she would feel if the security of me wasn't there. Took me 6 months to feel at a confident place to do this. It was when I did that things began to turn around. We were different as we were living apart. Its so hard but try to be patient.

Lucifer

Southwester

I hope you are doing ok. I feel I need to say something from the other side. I am not making excuses, but hope this can help you in some way. My husband is my best friend and I love him dearly. However the pressure of life could have ruined my marriage. I was so worried about money, felt I couldn't tell him, took on all responsibility for everything (trying to be wonder woman) - this was my downfall. I needed an escape - I found one. I grew too close to a colleague at work. He appreciated me, and took an interest in me as a woman!! Maybe he just saw me as a legover - who knows. There was no doubt I still loved hubby, but thought I was no longer in love with him. How could I be - I was obsessed with this extra special feeling inside, the buzz that this other man gave me. I was wrong. It wasn't love. I very quickly came to my senses. Hubby has never found out.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it is never too late. You know what they say absence makes the heart grow stronger. All of a sudden thought of losing/hurting a person that you love brings you back to earth with a bump!!

I regret my actions more than life itself, and looking at this kind, gentle man that loves me with a passion I have got all those feelings back. My marriage is now stronger than ever in my eyes.

LookingAhead

I hope you are OK S.W.

There's a few things I would like to say but I won't until we get an update as they could just be irrelevant.

Thoughts of you.

La

southwester_2

Update

Well, feelings are topsy turvey to say the least. Going from anger to wanting to hold her, flashbacks etc etc

Talked Friday night, she liked the letter but said she felt so guilty that she was finding it hard to talk to me. Saturday am -worked, pm played cricket, I wasnt going to play but she said things needed to carry on as normal, she came out later and did a BBQ for us and her friend. Went home early from cricket and broke my heart in front of her (had a couple of beers), she consoled me.

Sunday - She was working in Cornwall, so I arranged to meet up with her lucnhtime with son, met her and she came up and kissed me, just a peck on the lips, no more! we went for a meal on the beach and had a good time. Went back to her hotel and went for a swim in the pool, she couldnt kiss me goodbye and she doesnt know why.

I dont know what to do next to win her.

elantan

it sounds to me that your doing all the right things it might just take time ...glad your weekend was ok take care

pania

southwester, you are making a fantastic effort with this, you don't need to "win" her, she also needs to make some sort of effort! i think doing the BBQ at the cricket was a big thing for her to do. being a cricketing girlfriend myself i know how it can be as a wife/girlfriend round all the team. if she didn't know if you'd told them or not it was a big thing for her to go out and do what she did, and a show of her support to you also.

Give it time, i know thats hard to do. it all sounds like it's moving in the right direction i believe that you will be able to sort this together and it's great she's willing to try.

All my thoughts are with you.
XX

southwester_2

Not sure about the cricket thing, she always comes up, dont know if it was her trying to keep things as normal as possible or what?

She knows that I havent told a sole (apart from my virtual mates) so she wouldnt feel worried about showing her face.

I do know it will take time but she does keep saying she doesnt know why she cant do the normal wife things, kiss etc, if she knew why it would be ok.

pania

I think maybe she knows deep down but doesn't feel ready to open up and talk about it right now. this is all very raw and she may not know how best to deal with it within herself. People get caught up in the thrill of the moment, it's only when they come back down to earth they have the "oh sh** what have i done" moment, when the implications of your actions become very clear. I think she is maybe feeling this right now.

It's good that she came up on saturday and didn't stay away, yes it may have been trying to keep things normal, but she was there, with you, supporting you in something you enjoy doing. view it as just that.

I'm not to sure you should let her feel you've not told anyone about this. that kinda give her the cards to hold, knowing that no matter what she does or how she treats you, she won't be offside with anyone for this. She needs to take responsibility for what shes done, maybe you allowing her to feel that people may not quite be so accepting of her may give her the boot she needs to confront her feelings on this.

Hope this helps, if not just tell me to go for a run!! speaking of which hows that side of things?
p
xx