Worst Time Of My Life Ever!

moonlightpjs

HI SW
I've been sat ages thinking about you and your situation and forgive me if I'm wrong but I seem to remember some way back in this thread that your wife has trouble expessing her feelings and seems to be unable to tell you why she did what she did. Along the same lines as you, could you not ask her to write down her feelings about you, why she hurt you, why she felt the need to do what she did, what, if anything, she thinks is wrong with your marriage. She could do that and give it to you so you might be able to make some sense of it all and rather than saying you WANT her to this, explain that you NEED her to do this. I know, in my experience, its easier to write things down as opposed to saying them, and it must be easier than saying them when you have hurt somebody as much as she has hurt you.

She may well want to get things off her chest, so to speak, but feels unable to due to guilt, perhaps, or fear of hurting you any further by speaking the words. Maybe exchanging letters between you if talking doesn't seem to be working, could be the starting block to sorting your marriage out and you getting the answers you need so much.............

I'm not sure if this would be a good idea for you so please ignore me if so
Just trying to think of someway to get the communication back. xxxxxx

Storm

Hi SW

I agree with Weller - if you need to hear exactly what she's thinking then tell her that - I know you're instinct is to protect her and look after her, but she should be doing this for you!

If you do end up writing letters to each other though, I would recommend agreeing that on a certain date they will be destroyed - the last thing you need is a reminder of this time hanging around for years to come.

Storm x

moonlightpjs

I agree with Storm - the letters must be destroyed at some point, if you choose to write to one another. I was just thinking of a starting point for you both to communicate but if you do write letters to each other, you must both agree that they need to be destroyed when you are back on track. Don't let the past bite you on the bum some time in the future !!!

saffronflowers

SW - the biggest of hugs to you - nothing more to add from all these wise peeps, but after my hell weekend a few weekends ago - have just had the most wonderful, there is light. I PROMISE.

SFx

southwester_2

I have asked her to do this so we will see

pania

good luck SW, sorry if my wording came out wrong in my earlier post, absolutely completely and utterly not meant how it could be interpreted. hope all goes well for you.
xx

quietheart

I think the letter thing is a great idea. I did this in a past relationship, when I tried to explain how I felt, I'd see the sadness/hurt in oh's eyes and I'd tailor what I had to say. So instead I went away, wrote it down, re-wrote it, made sure I meant it and then handed it over. No backing out, just the truth down in writing. It sorted out what we'd be trying to say for many months.
Just hope it all works out for you.
Can feel your pain from your messages........

southwester_2

Just got back from Relate, OH really uncomfortable being there, doesnt like it but knows she needs to to see if it can work. We have agreed that whats happened has happened and we can try to put it in the past. We agreed that we have talked and talked and talked about the past and we are just going around in circles, so we only talk about trying to do differant things to see if she can get the attracted to me again thing back.

I am not convinced this is going to work, it seems a long way from her being able to kiss, touch me as she says she loves me with all her heart but doesnt fancy me, not that we like that word but you know what I mean. We do both want it to work but deep down at the moment she cannot see a way of getting that back.

Shineyhappy

I am glad you are going to relate and I am so sorry that she says she doesnt fancy you.

Have you thought about taking her dancing (a salsa class maybe?) as that is a very passionate activity?

She has to try and be a bit more positive. It isnt impossible to rekindle the original spark if you are both willing to work at it.

catewithers

southwester wrote: »

I am not convinced this is going to work, it seems a long way from her being able to kiss, touch me as she says she loves me with all her heart but doesnt fancy me, not that we like that word but you know what I mean. We do both want it to work but deep down at the moment she cannot see a way of getting that back.

It may be a way off but that doesn't mean it won't ever happen. It just depends how much effort she's willing to put in and how long your heart can stand the waiting and hoping.

I think it's also important that she doesn't focus too much on how it feels like it'll never happen and just works with you on rebuilding your marriage. If you constantly think, "this is hopeless," it's very difficult to motivate yourself to do something positive about changing things.