Worst Time Of My Life Ever!

saffronflowers

Good morning my lovely - so sorry I did not get back on your thread yesterday. Please beleive me every feeling you are gonig through is normal, not nice but normal.

I hope that you slept last night, it is a healing action.

How is your son?

Will check back later, hug (quess who cant do emoticons!!)

SFx

southwester_2

Morning

Well, slept a little and will try to eat lunchtime today. Son is fine I think, he is used to one of us being away with work.

We spoke last night on the phone, she said she is prepared to try anything but I am starting to think deep down it aint gonna happen, how can you make someone fancy you again so to speak!

I was full of good ideas yesterday to try but am starting to feel I cant give anymore

saffronflowers

You fancy someone not for what they look like but for they are. Be your gentle kind self, be true to yourself and if is to be she will come back.

Please dont get this wrong but I feel that she is being selfish and you are being selfless. It seems to be all about what she wants.

As always big hugs and my thoughts are with you.

SFx

southwester_2

Your right I am getting frustrated, Im going to tell her that I cant help her anymore withthis, she is going to have to make the effort

catewithers

SW - don't give up unless you're sure it's the right thing for you. It is possible to fancy someone again and it can happen for the two of you.

SortingIt_2

Morning,

Just been catching up on your thread - I was so pleased to see your last post! It seems that you have a little fight in you - I am glad. I'm sorry but she can't put it all on you - SHE has to make the effort, more so given what she has just done.

Things like this don't happen overnight but I think rather than concentrating on the 'being attracted to you' etc etc that you need to concentrate on having fun and enjoying eachothers company again. When I first met my partner, I didn't think, wow your so sexy!! There was an attraction, and the more I talked to him the more I fancied him and that was how it went and still to this day I fancy him more than ever!!

I think it is SO important to have common interests, things you can enjoy together but also to have a little something for yourself too - give you that little bit of independance and confidence - if anything something that will interest your OH as they are not included in it - something to talk about ....not sure if that makes sense.

You need to think what you want in all this too - I really don't think that not being attracted to you is the be all and end all - a relationship comes as a package and so many diffent things influence it, I don't think you can put things down to one thing??? It sounds to me (I hope you don't mind me saying) that she has clung on to this as an excuse for having the affair rather so that she has something to tell you - and in some ways take the pressure and responsibility off of her and what she has done to you and your family???

Anyway, I really truely hope that you both work things out it seems like you are both willing to try. But please don't let this be a one way thing, she has to work harder at this than you!

Good luck

southwester_2

Thanks sortingit

It is deffo not an excuse though because she has tried to tell me this before the affair, she told me she was too afraid of hurting me just to come out with it and looking back It is all clear now.

We use to write letters to each other which I know she loved and I did as well, I will do anything to get this back, which she also said last night. She also said she wants it to feel right before we actually make love but I am getting stronger and more frustrated with her so will tell her this also in the letter that it is her that needs to work harder at this.

Looking ahead, - Yes I run, went out last night and was crap but then I havent eaten, so what can I eXpect. I am going to have some pasta and a banana for lunch to try and get some energy back, I have never felt so drained and people are starting to notice.

SortingIt_2

Well it sounds to me that you both really want this to work - thats a big plus!!

I would say as well as getting back the old things, introduce new things too tothe relationship. I really wish you the best of luck!

Re your running, don't push yourself too quickly, you need to get yourself back to some proper eating and sleeping. You're no good to anyone if you are not up and running fully in yourself - well done for trying though. I am going through a get fit stage - played netball monday and swimming last night - can't move today!!!

I look forward to your updates and I am sure this will work out in time - there is no reason why it shouldn't if you are both working so hard at it! Good luck xx

southwester_2

Thanks

Onwards and upwards whatever happens

suki43

Hi SW!

Just logged in to see how you are. I think you are right to allow her to make some effort on this and I think it will gain more respect from her. Plus it will give you some time to concentrate on yourself.

i think counselling would help you both understand when her feelings seemed to change and why. Then hopefully you can re-build things.

Take care

Suki