Crying and more crying and she hasn't even gone yet!

stebiz

johnswife wrote: »

Balletshoe - I agree but I don't think Stebiz has said he has been crying and crying IN FRONT of their daughter. (unless i missed that bit)
He has said he is doing his best to hide it and I think he has taken on board some of the comments and suggestions. x

Yes, that's right. It hasn't been done in front of my daughter. But between Mum and Dad we've been pretty upset about it. I asked my wife before what her Mum was like when she went to Italy for a fortnight when she was younger - 'tears but that's just the way my Mum is'. Never embarassed her apparently.

Person_one

stebiz wrote: »

Yes, that's right. It hasn't been done in front of my daughter. But between Mum and Dad we've been pretty upset about it. I asked my wife before what her Mum was like when she went to Italy for a fortnight when she was younger - 'tears but that's just the way my Mum is'. Never embarassed her apparently.

Have you considered getting some talking therapy, maybe you and your wife could go together to have a chat about why you are having such an extreme reaction to your nearly adult daughter going on holiday for a fortnight.

Its natural to miss them, its very normal to feel teary if they are leaving for uni, or to live abroad, or if they are going away for the first time at the age of about 8 or 9.

Feeling like this in your scenario is not, I'm afraid. If I were you I'd be less defensive and start looking at ways to adjust how you feel and respond to this and other similar situations.

bodmil

Did all this start with a 17 year old girl guide?:eek:

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Good grief. Some people scare the living daylights out of me.

Bennifred

I think stebiz's reactions are hugely to do with his depression.

I have suffered from depression for years and been on and off medication during that time. When not on the medication I found my emotions (the fearful, anxious ones, anyway) hugely magnified - I'd spend half my nights crying about (totally irrational, in hindsight) "what ifs". Mainly about my children. I wasn't able to control that, so back to the GP I went. I'd rather be on anti-depressants for the rest of my life than feel like that.

I suggest you go back to your GP, stebiz. Depression affects the whole family - do it for them, if not yourself.

valk_scot

stebiz wrote: »

I don't think it helps to be honest. I've suffered from it for about 7 years now and originally was on some quite high medication. Twelve months or so I came off it and try and deal with it in a different way. Exercise, Food etc. Means I've lost nearly a few stone. But the feelings are quite raw at times and at least with the meds they numbed any thoughts etc. But like everybody says. Man up. No such thing as depression. Your girls 17. Get a grip fella. Don't spoil it for her. Stop yourself crying.

I've had depression and was on meds+ therapy for some years. Over it now, mostly, but even when I wasn't I made damm sure it has as little impact on my family as humanly possible. Which was quite hard at times, and it didn't always work. But on the other hand, your DD going on a holiday is such a happy thing that I really don't see why it should negatively impact on your depression unless, of course, you're currently at the stage where it's difficult to look at situations in a way that isn't skewed. Skewed perception is a lot of what depression is about, of course, and if you're really finding it so hard to cope with a genuinely positive situation like this then I suspect it's a sign that your current depression control techniques aren't working very well tbh.

Time for another chat with your GP, perhaps? It's not good to be so fragile that you're at breaking point over a thing like this, after all. What would happen if something far more stressful crops up in your life? I'm not saying that your DD going away isn't a stressful event, of course, but it doesn't quite rank up there with bereavement, serious illness or redundency for example. You need to be aiming for robust enough mental health to give you at least a chance of coping with serious issues, rather than finding it's breaking down over a small event like this.

[Deleted User]

Where in the first post did the OP said he said deperession? This probably has impact on the whole situation, so therefore should have been mentioned.

lostinrates

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

Where in the first post did the OP said he said deperession? This probably has impact on the whole situation, so therefore should have been mentioned.

Its in Post five.

[Deleted User]

Thankyou, i didnt realise the OPs depression was as bad as it was at the time i posted. Having read the last couple of pages, this obviously changes my opinion because this has more to do with the OPs depression to why there feeling the way they do and has quite an impact on the whole situation.

mountainofdebt

I've said it before and I'll say it again its posts like this make me feel I'm a really bad mum.

I've never missed Junior when he went abroad with the school or cadets and would have worried about him more had he felt the need to text me every day.

Even when he went to Uni I did miss him slightly but that was more to do with logistics (I mean how was the bin going to put out now?)......and I certainly didn't miss the food bill that I have when he's home.