Crying and more crying and she hasn't even gone yet!

stebiz

jeanniebeanie wrote: »

You have started 3 threads in the last few days about your anxieties over your 17 year old going on a short well supervised trip abroad. She is almost an adult who will soon be able to vote, leave home, get married or fight for her country all without your permission or blessing. You however, as a mature adult male seem to have chronic separation anxiety issues you are hiding under the guise of 'closeness'. I seriously think you need help. I say this as a parent of two in their early twenties.

Please go and get a life. I have started 3 threads

(i) On mobile use abroad - which I've now sorted
(ii) On emotions after reading certain responses on here and
(iii) This one

I suggest if you want a job as post counter you contact Martin. I've started many threads in the past. Very few on my family and replied to many posts trying to help others. If you look at my stats you'll see what I mean. Just a slightly difficult time for me at the moment and I appreciate everyones opinions and have taken them on board.

jeanniebeanie_2

stebiz wrote: »

Please go and get a life.

Oh the irony!

duchy

I suspect once she's actually left you'll be doing a lot better. Anticipation is usually worse than the event it-self !

stebiz

duchy wrote: »

I suspect once she's actually left you'll be doing a lot better. Anticipation is usually worse than the event it-self !

I think your right. I've just been reading what she'll be doing over the next fortnight and she will be doing some super stuff. Would rather she just went now and have one whale of a time.

lostinrates

stebiz wrote: »

I think your right. I've just been reading what she'll be doing over the next fortnight and she will be doing some super stuff. Would rather she just went now and have one whale of a time.

Do you think this could be less about your 'closeness' and more about your depression? Is it worth reviewing your treatment as part of the overall plan here?

stebiz

lostinrates wrote: »

Do you think this could be less about your 'closeness' and more about your depression? Is it worth reviewing your treatment as part of the overall plan here?

I don't think it helps to be honest. I've suffered from it for about 7 years now and originally was on some quite high medication. Twelve months or so I came off it and try and deal with it in a different way. Exercise, Food etc. Means I've lost nearly a few stone. But the feelings are quite raw at times and at least with the meds they numbed any thoughts etc. But like everybody says. Man up. No such thing as depression. Your girls 17. Get a grip fella. Don't spoil it for her. Stop yourself crying.

lostinrates

stebiz wrote: »

I don't think it helps to be honest. I've suffered from it for about 7 years now and originally was on some quite high medication. Twelve months or so I came off it and try and deal with it in a different way. Exercise, Food etc. Means I've lost nearly a few stone. But the feelings are quite raw at times and at least with the meds they numbed any thoughts etc. But like everybody says. Man up. No such thing as depression. Your girls 17. Get a grip fella. Don't spoil it for her. Stop yourself crying.

Has any one said there is no such thing as depression? I haven't seen that.

In this post it is YOU conflating the depression and the other issues. While life and mental health cannot be separate it is possible to overly conflate the two and confuse what is 'normal' emotion and what is heightened (at the least) by depression I would have thought.

A key point here is that i imagine that you do not want your Depression impacting on your daughter, which might be doable (including perhaps by manning up and finding ways to not cry or display other giveaways in front of her or other children). However, its pretty unavoidable, I would guess, that the feelings about your daughter going away impact on your depression. Both have impact for you, but neither, in an ideal world, should impact on your child/children.

Perhaps along with diet changes and lifestyle changes its worth revisiting medical advice and possibly medication, because this cannot be good for you, and it certainly cannot be good for those who love you if you feel it's impact is relevant.

I wish you luck.

johnswife

Well, I am sending you hugs!! You cant help the way you feel and I am sure your daughter loves and appreciates both you and her mum.
My daughter just texted that she will be driving home tonight from Uni (Bath to Gloucestershire) but will be late. I will be worried until she comes through the door. x

balletshoes

johnswife wrote: »

Well, I am sending you hugs!! You cant help the way you feel and I am sure your daughter loves and appreciates both you and her mum.
My daughter just texted that she will be driving home tonight from Uni (Bath to Gloucestershire) but will be late. I will be worried until she comes through the door. x

I dont think anyone is saying they wouldnt feel a bit anxious or wouldnt miss their child. what most of us are saying is that you dont cry and cry about around them or your other kids. you put a brave smiley face on in their presence.

johnswife

Balletshoe - I agree but I don't think Stebiz has said he has been crying and crying IN FRONT of their daughter. (unless i missed that bit)
He has said he is doing his best to hide it and I think he has taken on board some of the comments and suggestions. x