Here we go again......

Mojisola

timeou wrote: »

I've heard the phrase about reaching rock bottom many times before but how much lower does she need to go than almost total liver failure, being about 6 stones in weight and genuinely looking like a yellow version of Zelda from Terrahawks....

I just don't know what her stop trigger will be, maybe she won't have one.

She probably doesn't have one. Not everyone does. If that's the case, there's nothing you or anyone else can do for her.

londonsurrey

timeou wrote: »

I've heard the phrase about reaching rock bottom many times before but how much lower does she need to go than almost total liver failure, being about 6 stones in weight and genuinely looking like a yellow version of Zelda from Terrahawks....

I just don't know what her stop trigger will be, maybe she won't have one.

Yes, that's the awful truth. You're desperately searching for the solution, mopping up after them, when the real only solution is for THEM to do something different, not for you to do more.

Gingernutty

Does she know what she looks like? Is she still kidding herself?

Take photos. Seriously. Even a little video of her to show her to herself.

Print the photos, frame them as if they are ornaments, give one to her now and put one or two up in the house. A little photo montage of her through the years in a cheap clip frame if there are enough photos of her.

I bet there won't be though.

Begging and pleading isn't going to help. Alcoholics are experts at hiding the truth from themselves - that includes avoiding mirrors, cameras and situations where they could be exposed. They use any excuse.

You are on a hiding to nothing if she (and your dad) can't/won't face up to what they are doing.

Leave them to it. The horse has been led to water (or dragged to hospital) and still won't drink (sorry, useless analogy). There's nothing you can do at that stage except make sure that you don't go down with them.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Please, don't waste a rare and precious detox and rehab place by putting somebody who doesn't want to stop drinking in there.

I'm sorry for the losses you have experienced over the years.

But she wants to drink more than she wants you, your father, your children and more than that, she wants alcohol more than life itself.

Errata

Sounds like you need to have a very thorough discussion with her consultant about prognosis, being vey honest about the unwillingness of her and your dad to change their behaviour.

Dunroamin

Do your parents have the money to pay for a private rehab or are they reliant on the NHS?

Barneysmom

timeou wrote: »

I've heard the phrase about reaching rock bottom many times before but how much lower does she need to go than almost total liver failure, being about 6 stones in weight and genuinely looking like a yellow version of Zelda from Terrahawks....

I just don't know what her stop trigger will be, maybe she won't have one.

Timeou, you are having a really bad time and it must be so hard for you to see her like that.
Her GP can arrange for her to go into a rehab place as an inpatient, your dad can even sanction this as her next of kin. Get in touch with her GP and say you need it or else your mom will be back to square one within weeks of coming home.
Be prepared though, it's a long and hard journey for everyone, xx

timeou

Thanks all, I'm coping quite ok as I've just become hardened to the situation now. It sounds dreadful but on Wednesday I wished they would medicate her off to sleep and never wake up. You wouldn't keep a dog in the state she was in.
It's the thought of her coming out and slipping back in to the old routine that I feel sick at the thought of. I don't visit much as the kids get on her nerves and she's never really pleased to see us, the whole situation is sad as she's missed out on so much over the years, a life wasted.
It all needs to stop now as I'm tired of it all and so is my husband who has been great to be honest. Time to cut some ties and concentrate on him and my kids I think. Easier said than done though when it's your parents.

I'm going to see what transpires when she's discharged and try and speak to her consultant to raise my concerns, lay the options on the table for them both and make it clear that the decisions lie with them but I won't be there if she starts drinking again. She will rely on the NHS for care but like one of the posters said I'm sickened at the amount of resources that she's used already when there are people out there ill through no fault of their own.

She has to agree to it and stick to it this time.

marisco_2

I am so sorry to say this, but save yourself years of heartbreak and angst now, by knowing this situation is never going to change. Your dad enables your mothers drinking habit, for a quiet life. Only when the shtf he calls you up and you are expected to deal with the aftermath of both their actions. I know how horrific it is to see a relative in hospital because of alcohol abuse. The sights you witnessed are awful hun. What kind of parent puts their chidlren through that, no matter how grown up and mature you are, it is not on to go through that experience.

All I can advise is from now on in decide what you will and wont cope with. Your mum cannot be helped if she doesn't want help. She is very lucky to be pulling through this time going on how you described her. A person can only push their luck so far as my stepdad found out. Prepare yourself for that.

pigpen

Carl31 wrote: »

Im not sure i agree with your comments. Addiction is an illness. Many people use drugs and alcohol without being addicted

Exactly.. they CHOOSE to take it, they choose to poison themselves.. Most have the good sense to know moderation others don't it is not an illness it is blind stupidity or attention seeking (as with OH's sister)

Addiction is certainly not a lifestyle choice, what a stupid and ill informed thing to say. Addiction is a mental illness, perhaps the result of something more traumatic. Such people need time and help, not looking down upon

Depression, schitzophrenia etc are a mental illness, it is usually a chemical imbalance caused by a malfunction in the bodys working.. an addiction is a choice.. people choose to drink, they choose to smoke noone forces it on them, it doesn't just happen they don't get up one day an alcoholic or drug addict they train their system to want it until it thinks it is normal. They aren't born that way, they aren't reacting to a catalogue of unfortunate events.

You can't decide to not be depressed for a few days but you can decide not to smoke or drink...

Having my baby cousins in care (from aged 3 months and 18 months) in another country because their parents are both dead from alcohol related illnesses... too damn right they disgust me (not the children obviously). Horrible selfish behaviour.. they couldn't be bothered to accept the massive amounts of help they were offered to keep their children, from family, from social services from friends and employers and health visitors and hospitals and psychiatrists [after my uncle tried killing himself they thought.. turns out he was drunk and didnt throw himself off a balcony he simply fell]). That is not a mental illness that is lowlife selfish behaviour.. they were offered the time and the support and threw in in the faces of those wantig to help them time and time again. It doesn't mean I didn't love my uncle, I miss him like I'd miss my right arm, but I am not deluding myself about what and who he was.

They cannot be helped just because it makes family and friends feel better, they have to want help and seek that help themselves when they want it and until they do anything you say or do to try and stop them gives them the attention they crave to continue.

You are entitled to your opinion as I am entitled to mine.. you will have to agree to disagree. My feelings are a result of 35 years of seeing alcoholic family members throw away everything good in their lives and some die.