Frugal Frump to Fab-u-lous Spring Equinox to Summer Solstice

lessonlearned

Excellent suggestion Floss.

I have a friend who works with the Women's Aid and they definitely help with housing issues.

Lizzie - I agree with others. Try and just focus on your OU assignment for now. You've put a lot of work and effort into it, don't let it go to waste.

Your education is for you, it's important. Whether it is job related or not is irrelevant - it's yours.

You are not being self indulgent or full of self pity. Some of us have had endured difficult relationships and marriages, we understand and we are not judging you.

Your H may not be slapping you around or physically abusing you but he is domineering by the sound of it. He is using his "depression" to control you. Emotional blackmail is the worst.

I had a domineering father and I made the classic mistake of marrying a man who was his carbon copy.

My first husband was bossy, domineering and controlling. He never raised his hand - he found other ways to try and dominate me. He was a master of emotional blackmail.

Luckily I woke up one day and finally saw the light - wasted 9 years of my precious life before I realised just what an ar*e he was.

His party piece was to play the "I'm a simple working class man" to make me feel guilty.

He hated the fact that despite being a working class council house girl myself I had hauled myself up, educated myself, knew about art and culture, could mix with "toffs" (his word) and hold my own in any company.

He hated any friend I ever made on principle. He was like a dog with a bone that someone was trying to take away from him.

He took me to live 300 miles away from my friends and family to try and isolate me. I just made new friends and forged a new career. Of course he hated that too.

I was educated, cultured and refined, I just loved people and made friends everywhere I went. He was a working class snob. On any social occasion he would skulk in the background snarling and glowering at anyone I spoke to.

On the way home I would get endless lectures about how I was betraying my roots, how dreadful all my new friends were and on and on and on.

I swear he thought he was a character out of a DH Lawrence novel. (DHL was born a few miles away.)

My ex even insisted in speaking in an impenetrable local dialect that the miners spoke in front of my "soft posh pen-pushing friends". He had never set foot in a mine - he was a very clever and talented engineer.:rotfl:

When I walked away from him - leaving my beautiful seaside home for a tatty old flat in a shabby tenement building in a less than salubrious suburb of Glasgow, my parents were astonished.

They couldn't understand how I could walk away from a life that to them looked like one of comfort and ease.

I had nothing Lizzie - just a suitcase of clothes and a few sticks of furniture.

My employers came to my rescue. They were estate agents. One of the partners owned the flat and he let me stay there rent free for a few weeks whilst I sorted myself out.

In payment for his kindness I redecorated the flat for him.

Have faith Lizzie.

You have courage, ability, energy and intelligence. You can get through this and come out the other side.

There will be a way out.

First things first get that assignment done. Then plan your escape.

lizzie157

I've wallowed long enough . Still not feeling the best (there are some issues re- the wedding relating to the ar*e's family) that have reared there head. Don't want to go into it on here but suffice to say he can't have his say and let the couple decide he goes on and on. I'm not happy about it either but it's not my wedding so have given my feelings and will say no more unless asked.
I have emailed womens aid and received a reply asking me to drop in for some advice.
I have also re-applied to volunteer at RSPCA, i've done this before and not managed to get anywhere but it's worth a try.
Re the decorating business I feel like the fact I can't drive is going to be a bit of a drawback but on the positive we had the bathroom decorated by the council (well not the council a proper decorating firm employed by the council). Granted they were quick but the decorating is awful. I know I do a much better job so perhaps I can get round the not driving issue somehow.
So the plan for this week is
1 finish off the assignment
2 try and get away for long enought to get some advice from WA
3 get back on the business card/leaflet website and finish off the template
4 send off references etc to RSPCA
Won't beat myself up if I don't manage it all I've had a tough couple of days but I'll make sur what I don't manage this week gets done next.

LL- bossy, domineering and controlling describes him completely.
He hated any friend I ever made on principle and this. Unfortunately I've allowed him to do it because of my low self esteem. It's not as low as it was anymore so I am determined to get away one way or another. I'll get the advice and take it from there.
thankyou for your support everyone.

lessonlearned

lizzie157 wrote: »

I've wallowed long enough . controlling[/COLOR] describes him completely.

He hated any friend I ever made on principle and this. Unfortunately I've allowed him to do it because of my low self esteem. It's not as low as it was anymore so I am determined to get away one way or another. I'll get the advice and take it from there.
thankyou for your support everyone.

Atta girl, Lizzie. That's the way to go. A bit of the old "Dunkirk Spirit". :rotfl:

I described my ex to you because I recognised the signs......

Easy with hindsight but yes, he had me hoodwinked for years. I was taken in by it all. Oddly enough so were a lot of other people so I don't feel too much of a fool.

Anyway good to hear that you feel a little better. Just keep going.

Re the not being able to drive. Obviously not ideal but you should be able to work your way round that one. Once the paint, materials and equipment are on site - taxi ride factored into your price - then it shouldn't be too much of a problem. Bicycle or buses I guess.

Raining here. Off to physio this morning - the Ape Lady is back again.....

Then OH has a nursing assessment this afternoon and then I'm going out to dinner with a friend. Looking forward to that.

Time to fab up.

Kiwisaver_2

Well done Lizzie that sounds like a plan. I dont know much about your situation but experienced very similar with a controlling family member when I was younger. If I were you I probably would just do whatever I could to keep out of his way and concentrate on investing time and effort for myself in order to spite him.

I'd suggest you vanish down to the library or somewhere else out of the way where you can work on your assignment, you need to box him up in your mind and shut him out and look after number one. It must be awful to feel so trapped financially and unless he's watching every penny spent I would be doing whatever I could to gather some money together. Even if it's just setting aside a couple of quid from the shopping money, or perhaps selling some stuff online, I am sure it would make you feel more in control to have a little slush fund going - no matter how small.

I'm really not doing much out of the ordinary on the fabbing front, just trying my bestest to reduce the piles of lotions and potions in my bathroom. :rotfl: The trouble is reading all these boards and beauty blogs keeps giving me ideas of things I would like to buy.

WelshWoofer wrote: »

Kiwi - bet you're turning into the most glam person in NZ! Lots of effort being made - well done!

I have realised that I must have been living under a rock for the past few years since I emigrated to NZ and am so out of touch. I've give this quite a bit of thought and realised that I started to let things slide in order to fit in with the people around me in my work. i.e. none of them could care less for appearances, beauty products or clothes. I used to feel that I stuck out like a sore thumb with my Englishness, when everyone else around me were so *casual* / scruffy. When I worked in London I would buy new clothes and shoes on a weekly basis and perhaps not wear the same outfit more than twice in any given month. :eek:

Conversely people here think nothing of wearing the same work shoes every single day until they're worn out and will wear the same clothes week in and week out; brands and labels and fashion are simply not a big deal for most. Money is much tighter all around and it just became very easy for me to dumb down and not spend money on clothes and stuff for myself. Although on the one hand it's refreshing not to have to keep up with the Jones's, I have realised that not taking care of myself and my appearance was a slippery slope and dragging me into downward spiral thinking. It could have been much worse, at least I wasn't ever close to joining the locals do shopping in my PJs and dressing gown. :rotfl:

maman

Good to hear you sounding a bit more positive lizzie. I think the idea of working in the library is a good one, peace and quiet and gets you out of the house!

I had to laugh at your comments kiwisaver. A couple of years ago I met up with a cousin of DH. She was visiting from Australia. Now, I know when I joined this thread I was feeling like a bag lady but this woman was something else. Ok, she is an 'older lady' but the tight permed hair, polyester trousers with elasticated waist, frumpy 'school' shoes, nerdy anorak were amazing to behold. It made me feel like a fashion plate!;) BUT she happened to mention that she thought people from NZ had no interest in how they looked/dressed etc. I remember thinking OMG, if they're worse than you they must be unbelievable!:eek: So maybe you are the most glam person in NZ!:D At least you're working on it.

I've made a hair appointment for Friday. It's getting desperately untidy. Matalan is en route to hairdresser so I'll go there and check out bikinis. I'm also using up beauty stuff. Does anyone use a body buffer/exfoliator? I've got some that came with a set. Do you shower first then use it or does it double as a shower gel? Sorry to be so ignorant.:o

Back soon.

lessonlearned

My sister is married to a Kiwi and has spent a lot of tme in NZ.

She says she was astonished how many people walk around bare-foot - even in their workplaces, shops, banks even. Surely their feet must be dreadful says I. Oh yes, says she, they look like Hobbit Feet!!!

Like you she said she often felt over-dressed and very "English". This from a woman who lives in jeans or jodhpurs, boots and body warmers (very horsey!!! and a real country girl - not like her urbanite older sister).

Maman - do you mean the "brillo" pad type buffers/or the sisal type ones - just soap them up and use them in the bath or shower.

Just popped home for a quick snack after my physio - watching the pennies so no cafe lunch today - aren't I good. :A Off to see OH now.

Laters......

Tiggger

maman wrote: »

Does anyone use a body buffer/exfoliator? I've got some that came with a set. Do you shower first then use it or does it double as a shower gel? Sorry to be so ignorant.:o

If this is a cream exfoliator in a tube, I use a similar one. I just wet my skin in the shower, apply the exfoliator cream with the shower water off and rub in, then shower off the remaining cream/scrub and shower as normal with gel. My cream has little scrub particles in it so I wouldn't use it as a shower gel, I just use it on my legs and arms - I can't reach to do my back properly!

Hope that helps, Tiggger

sweetcheeks33

LL- I would advise that you contact the housing and update on situation and call them very regularly (every 1-2 weeks) I work with folks and believe me it's those who shout the loudest sometimes. You may also get space in women's aid refuge too if you need it. But keep on top of your housing it's the only way don't take no for an answer although that is very difficult and takes energy but does pay off.

sweetcheeks33

Sorry meant lizzie not ll sorry
Altho ll I hope your well too and hugs to all that need it

podperson

Lizzie - definately follow up with woman's aid, sometimes having these organisations in your corner can also make a difference in terms of getting somewhere with the housing list. Perhaps they could put forward something to the council to show that you are a higher priority.
If you don't mind me asking is it just the upfront fees for the deposit/first month/moving costs etc that you are struggling to find? Have you worked out a rough figure for what you'd need? As you can see from my signature I'm currently on a money-making mission for when I leave my job and I know LL is on with it as well. Maybe join in and see what extras you can get made and put away- mine has so far been in fairly limited time and with very little start up so it can be doable.
I hope you managed to get on with your assignment anyway x