Frugal Frump to Fab-u-lous Spring Equinox to Summer Solstice

WelshWoofer

What's happened Lizzie?
Are you OK?

podperson

*hugs* hope you're ok Lizzie, what's happened?

lizzie157

no not ok but thanks for asking. just the usual !!!! with H. He sits and does not much at all and it takes him all day. He's just in the way just got sick of him sitting barking orders and trying to run my life. he's so negative it makes it twice as hard to do anything and i'm trapped here because of the money situation. Have applied for a few jobs but no joy cos i've no experience, even voluntary is competetive now. feel like i'm constantly doing something rushing around but getting nowhere. have told him i'm transfering all direct debs into his name and he can sort it all but how can I when i've got to keep a roof over the teens heads? it's hard to explain but he's sucked the life out of me. Also said i was gonna sign on in my own right but having them on my case as well is the last thing i need. it all just seems so futile. life's a constant battle and i'm losing it.
i know it sounds like a load of self pity and for that i'm sorry. he promised the kids a cheap caravan holiday and then decided we couldn't afford it - so why mention it. i need to get my head straight and can't do it while he's messing with it.

maman

Really hard to know what to say lizzie but feeling huge sympathy for you:A. The man's an ar*e. You may not be able to walk away today but one day...

lessonlearned

So sorry Lizzie - I caught your benefits post as well.

Lizzie - I agree with Maman. You H is an ar*e. :mad::mad:

Time to put yourself and your children first. You've done all you can for this man.

You are flogging a dead horse.

You know what you need to do. Hope you find the courage and strength soon.

podperson

Lizzie - I'm so sorry hun, it must be so frustrating when you're trying hard and you're just faced with nothing but negativity. I know I've asked this before but have you looked properly into your options if you were to leave? I know it's mainly financial but with him not working then if you left could you not claim benefits in your own right and not be much worse off? Maybe try inputting your details into a few benefits calculators as if you were on your own and see what they say you could get?

lessonlearned

Good morning everyone

Another lovely day. Enjoy.

Not sure what it holds yet, a little pottering in the garden, a trip to the local shops. My back is sore this morning so gently does it today.

Lizzie - hope you are feeling a little brighter this morning. I've been thinking about you. Pod makes some good points. Have you had a good look at your financial situation, both as part of a couple and also what would happen if you decided to go it alone.

Maybe it's time to get some independent impartial advice. I too suggest you look at the benefits calculator.

Going to ring the physio and book an appt for this week. More money:(

I'm a bit cross with myself. I had a physio appt last Tuesday. My back felt great afterwards and I was looking forward to 3 or 4 weeks of being relatively pain free (best I can hope for). I was working towards a monthly appt as "maintenance" and was almost there.

However Wednesday's hospital marathon has put me back again - hanging around for hours on uncomfortable hospital chairs, clambering in and out of ambulances. Completely undid all the physios good work and will now cost myself more money to put things right again.

Oh well I won't make that mistake again. Memo to self - physio after hospital appts.....

You learn.;)

lizzie157

podperson wrote: »

Lizzie - I'm so sorry hun, it must be so frustrating when you're trying hard and you're just faced with nothing but negativity. I know I've asked this before but have you looked properly into your options if you were to leave? I know it's mainly financial but with him not working then if you left could you not claim benefits in your own right and not be much worse off? Maybe try inputting your details into a few benefits calculators as if you were on your own and see what they say you could get?

It's not just the day to day finances, in that respect I would'nt be much worse off and mentally the benefits would be even better. It's housing, I have nothing to put down to private rent, I 've had my name down on the council list for years but the number of points I have means I have very little chance of ever getting anything. Now with the BT as well the rules have changed again. Like I've said the silly thing is he won't be able to afford to stay here if I go. I have no support network. I know they say money isn't everything but I can't go anywhere without it. There is no easy solution and unless I manage to get a job, a business that actually makes something or win the lottery( don't do it so that's not gonna happen), I'm stuck. It is even harder now to make a fresh start than ever before thanks to call me Dave, I've been for advice, counselling etc and I have the teens to think of -is it fair to epect them to live in a b&b because without a doubt that is where we'd end up if i left as i would have made myself intentionally homeless I'm told.
I have an Ou assignment due and i can't concentrate on that or anything else -feel like hibernating. As I've said I hate the self pity but I honestly can't see a way forward unless he agrees to leave - he won't.

maman

I feel at a loss to advise you as it's not something I've really experienced. I have been there with an ar*e of an ex and I did private rent years ago but all they needed was guarantees from my bank in those days.

What I do know is that it's definitely NOT self-pity. Why not try your best to focus on the OU assignment, that's for you and no one else and you'll feel so much better when you achieve something.

floss2

Lizzie, have you spoken to your local Womens Aid group? I would say that what you are being subjected to is mental abuse, but they help those suffering all sorts of abuse not just physical.

They may have an arrangement with a local landlord re bond / deposit, also your local housing team may have a supported bond scheme.

Hope you can get your assignment done