Nice people thread part 8 - worth the wait

LydiaJ

chewmylegoff wrote: »

I miss the days of private practice where you were told that you had been promoted on the basis of your performance without any stupid selection process... I was interviewed almost entirely by external assessors who have no idea what my job is or what the job I'm applying for is.

I am so glad I'm in education, and the private sector at that. Unless you're applying to be a head or something, you get interviewed by teachers, and only by teachers - the head of department concerned and the headteacher, and maybe one or two others. You get observed teaching a lesson, and have interviews with sensible questions about your previous teaching experience. HR's role is limited to dealing with the paperwork and showing people to the right rooms at the right time - they don't get to make any decisions - and nobody external has anything to do with it.

Nikkster wrote: »

I've got a month left for the other thing. I'm trying, but I don't think I'm going to make it. We shall see.

A month is not very long. Listen, Nikkster, now is not the time to try. Now is the time to make a decision. Take a long hard look at your life and your career, how much left there is to do, and how much use (or otherwise) it would be for you to have the thing, and decide whether it matters to you.

If you want to finish, then sacrifice everything for a month to get it finished. Eat, sleep, work, write up, and nothing else for six days a week, and collapse in a heap for a rest on the seventh to recharge your brain and body. Take time off from work - unpaid if you have to - and decline all social engagements. Give up MSE, TV, books, everything. Put in lots and lots of hours of grind. It is hell, but it can be done. I still remember how horrific it was when I did it 17.5 years ago - teaching full time (but with school holidays of course), doing a distance learning part-time PGCE, and writing up all at the same time. I did have a husband to shop, cook and clean, which helped, though, and there wasn't really any internet distraction to speak of in those days, but it was very very tough all the same. The euphoria when I finished made finishing finals look trivial by comparison and didn't fully wear off for a whole year.

Or, don't. Make a decision now that this is not the right thing for you, that it belongs in your past with your London life and your old relationship, and its time has gone. Choose to let it go and walk forward into the sunlight and the freedom of your new life with your head held high because you know it did not defeat you - you took control and actively chose not to invest any more of your life into a dead end. Do not let the amount of time you have already invested weigh with you. You cannot do anything about that, but you can decide what to do with the present and the future. You have done it with the man - maybe now it is time to do it with the PhD.

Please please do not just go on trying half-heartedly until it's too late. It's the worst of both worlds, and has nothing to say for it. It's also the most effective way to saddle yourself with lasting regret.

silvercar

Nikkster wrote:

Happy: Yes Slightly stressed out at times, but generally fine.

I've got a month left for the other thing. I'm trying, but I don't think I'm going to make it. We shall see.

State of mind is important.

Is the deadline a real one? Can it be extended?

lostinrates

Yesterday morning, before my nap, we had a mortgage valuation from the people who valued our house rather low.

They phoned at eight thirty revising the figure up significantly. So, we're moving I on to a fix.

PasturesNew

Cool here, overcast, grey and breezy. Shower man's arrived. Starving, no food that I fancy. Place is uber-tidy/pristine as I took 30 minutes out to blitz it before the showerman came.

That's my update.

GDB2222

LydiaJ wrote: »

A month is not very long. Listen, Nikkster, now is not the time to try. Now is the time to make a decision. Take a long hard look at your life and your career, how much left there is to do, and how much use (or otherwise) it would be for you to have the thing, and decide whether it matters to you.

If you want to finish, then sacrifice everything for a month to get it finished. Eat, sleep, work, write up, and nothing else for six days a week, and collapse in a heap for a rest on the seventh to recharge your brain and body. Take time off from work - unpaid if you have to - and decline all social engagements. Give up MSE, TV, books, everything. Put in lots and lots of hours of grind. It is hell, but it can be done. I still remember how horrific it was when I did it 17.5 years ago - teaching full time (but with school holidays of course), doing a distance learning part-time PGCE, and writing up all at the same time. I did have a husband to shop, cook and clean, which helped, though, and there wasn't really any internet distraction to speak of in those days, but it was very very tough all the same. The euphoria when I finished made finishing finals look trivial by comparison and didn't fully wear off for a whole year.

Or, don't. Make a decision now that this is not the right thing for you, that it belongs in your past with your London life and your old relationship, and its time has gone. Choose to let it go and walk forward into the sunlight and the freedom of your new life with your head held high because you know it did not defeat you - you took control and actively chose not to invest any more of your life into a dead end. Do not let the amount of time you have already invested weigh with you. You cannot do anything about that, but you can decide what to do with the present and the future. You have done it with the man - maybe now it is time to do it with the PhD.

Please please do not just go on trying half-heartedly until it's too late. It's the worst of both worlds, and has nothing to say for it. It's also the most effective way to saddle yourself with lasting regret.

There are some very, very clever people on this forum! That sounds like brilliant advice.

Deadlines can be both cruel and merciful. You've put in so much work, and then there's an arbitrary deadline which stops you completing it. That's cruel. On the other hand, it can be the most merciful thing in the world - it puts an end to it, and you can get on with living your life without this burden hanging over you.

Lydia's advice, as always, is so sensible, ie do it or don't do it, but PLEASE stop torturing yourself.

zagubov

LydiaJ wrote: »

I am so glad I'm in education, and the private sector at that. Unless you're applying to be a head or something, you get interviewed by teachers, and only by teachers - the head of department concerned and the headteacher, and maybe one or two others. You get observed teaching a lesson, and have interviews with sensible questions about your previous teaching experience. HR's role is limited to dealing with the paperwork and showing people to the right rooms at the right time - they don't get to make any decisions - and nobody external has anything to do with it.



A month is not very long. Listen, Nikkster, now is not the time to try. Now is the time to make a decision. Take a long hard look at your life and your career, how much left there is to do, and how much use (or otherwise) it would be for you to have the thing, and decide whether it matters to you.

If you want to finish, then sacrifice everything for a month to get it finished. Eat, sleep, work, write up, and nothing else for six days a week, and collapse in a heap for a rest on the seventh to recharge your brain and body. Take time off from work - unpaid if you have to - and decline all social engagements. Give up MSE, TV, books, everything. Put in lots and lots of hours of grind. It is hell, but it can be done. I still remember how horrific it was when I did it 17.5 years ago - teaching full time (but with school holidays of course), doing a distance learning part-time PGCE, and writing up all at the same time. I did have a husband to shop, cook and clean, which helped, though, and there wasn't really any internet distraction to speak of in those days, but it was very very tough all the same. The euphoria when I finished made finishing finals look trivial by comparison and didn't fully wear off for a whole year.

Or, don't. Make a decision now that this is not the right thing for you, that it belongs in your past with your London life and your old relationship, and its time has gone. Choose to let it go and walk forward into the sunlight and the freedom of your new life with your head held high because you know it did not defeat you - you took control and actively chose not to invest any more of your life into a dead end. Do not let the amount of time you have already invested weigh with you. You cannot do anything about that, but you can decide what to do with the present and the future. You have done it with the man - maybe now it is time to do it with the PhD.

Please please do not just go on trying half-heartedly until it's too late. It's the worst of both worlds, and has nothing to say for it. It's also the most effective way to saddle yourself with lasting regret.

What Lydia said!:)

bugslet

LydiaJ wrote: »

I am so glad I'm in education, and the private sector at that. Unless you're applying to be a head or something, you get interviewed by teachers, and only by teachers - the head of department concerned and the headteacher, and maybe one or two others. You get observed teaching a lesson, and have interviews with sensible questions about your previous teaching experience. HR's role is limited to dealing with the paperwork and showing people to the right rooms at the right time - they don't get to make any decisions - and nobody external has anything to do with it.

.

And do NPs think that the torturous system that chewie is going through gets better results than Lydia's example?

I've had one very casual interview, many years ago, so in no position to say, though my bias makes me think a more laid-back approach gets just as good results.

@ Nikkster, I don't know the whole back story, so all I can do is wish you well with whatever you decide.

Break in number 4 for the year, this time at work, lot of effort for £2.50..... re-arranged fencing, levered shutter door and smashed in internal door. Hopefully they have gathered that we are too poor to bother with again.

PasturesNew

bugslet wrote: »

Break in number 4 for the year, this time at work, lot of effort for £2.50..... re-arranged fencing, levered shutter door and smashed in internal door. Hopefully they have gathered that we are too poor to bother with again.

Country's over-crowded.... off with their heads I say. We've no room for ferals.

bugslet

Planning application for a gun turret has been rejected;)

neverdespairgirl

chewmylegoff wrote: »

No equality around here I see, cosy little women-only thread starting club. Well don't come moaning to me when they won't let you join the local golf club cos you're wearing a skirt.

My disinclination to join a golf club has precisely nothing to do with the arrangement of my insides.