Nice people thread part 8 - worth the wait

LydiaJ

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

You sound (not just from that post, but from lots of them) like someone who remembers what it's like to be a child. That's entirely a positive thing - I don't mean you are childish at all, but childhood isn't a mysterious zone for you.

My Mama remembers it, too - so when Isaac left some lego in Kent, she posted it to him, with a carefully-printed envelope addressed to "Master Isaac <surname>", remembering the pleasure that getting something in the post, addressed to you, gives as a child.

Thank you. Yes, I do think I remember what it's like to be a child - certainly the post thing is very important, I agree. My parents are very good at that sort of thing with my kids.

I'm not sure though, that the most recent example is actually evidence of my being able to remember being little. I wasn't like DS is - I was a generally cheerful kind of kid with no problems acknowledging when things were good, and I didn't suffer from the kind of crushing perfectionism that afflicts DS. So I'm drawing here on how well I've got to know him as himself as I've been supporting him through all the carp that life has thrown at him, poor kid.

PasturesNew

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

True. I do need to go down to Kent, where paddling and grass and shade are in much greater supply than in central London!

Your balcony needs that artificial grass .... and a paddling pool.

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

Why not take a shabby bath robe down there.... or invest in some of these: http://folksy.com/items/3192326-Zebra-Surf-Changing-Poncho-Towel

Because we're too spontaneous for that. Its more like....

'Bug, this weeding is too hot, are you hot too?'

'Yes, common then Birdy'

And off we go, strip, in out and then back to work for a bit. . One day when its cleanish and landscaped I might get a little hut down there and take a big pile of old towels out at the beginning of eaxh summer.

PasturesNew

There was another case on Heir Hunters this morning that I want to retell. A man had two sons; married another woman and they were her step-sons. She made no will.

The father died first, then she died without a will. As they were step-sons they didn't have a right to inherit. The estate was believed to be worth £50k. They were spitting feathers "that was our dad's money, and hers; it should be ours".

F&F on the program sympathised, but the law said "blood relatives" - and went on to discover about 60 first cousins that hadn't even known the woman existed as she'd been the youngest child of a large family where her and her father's births were a bit dubious. And the estate turned out to be worth about £13k.

So, instead of sharing £13k of "their dad's money", the two step-sons got nothing and the 60-odd cousins who never knew the woman even existed (even though they had done a lot of family research) .... all probably got about £150 each.

Nobody won.

So, bear this in mind if you've got complicated and diverse relationships in your life.

LydiaJ

PasturesNew wrote: »

There was another case on Heir Hunters this morning that I want to retell. ...

Nobody won.

So, bear this in mind if you've got complicated and diverse relationships in your life.

OK, NP, own up then. Who hasn't made a will? Whose will is out of date?

I made a new one when the divorce was in process. I haven't bothered making another one - my wishes with him dead are no different from what they would have been with him alive but divorced from me.

Oh, and I haven't left anything to anybody whom I'm assuming will use the money to provide for somebody else - everything's to the people I actually want to get it (in trust for kids) and it details what I want to happen if various people predecease me.

GDB2222

Bizarrely, I am just off to the theatre at the London Welsh Centre to see The Strange Undoing of Prudencia Hart. I suspect there will be much heat exhaustion, but fingers crossed....

neverdespairgirl

PasturesNew wrote: »

Your balcony needs that artificial grass .... and a paddling pool.

It's not a balcony, it's what the estate agent called a "courtyard garden" and anyone else would call "tiny back yard paved with council-car-park-slabs.

There are far too many rats about for us to enjoy it much. The restaurant next door, with which we share an alley way, dumps food there for an all you can eat rodent buffet, nightly.:mad:

LydiaJ wrote: »

OK, NP, own up then. Who hasn't made a will? Whose will is out of date?

OH and I have them, leaving everything to each other.

My parents dug theirs out when my mother was diagnosed with cancer last year, and re-wrote them. The old ones were full of trusts for minor children, guardians for the same, etc. As all the named grandparents were by then dead, and all the children well over age, they simplified them a lot.

My Dad insisted on talking us through them, although we all resisted hugely. I have a vague memory of something about agircultural land being held separately for some unknown reason, and something to do with pension funds, but I was not really listening.

lostinrates

Was very proud of kiwi this evening in the pub. He behaved really well, Very quiet and sat or stood keeping himself to himself, apart from one woman whose feet he liked, I went to move him and she said, ' oh no, please don't I like it' so shrugged and grinned and left him licking her feet through her sandals.

lostinrates

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

It's not a balcony, it's what the estate agent called a "courtyard garden" and anyone else would call "tiny back yard paved with council-car-park-slabs.

There are far too many rats about for us to enjoy it much. The restaurant next door, with which we share an alley way, dumps food there for an all you can eat rodent buffet, nightly.:mad:



OH and I have them, leaving everything to each other.

My parents dug theirs out when my mother was diagnosed with cancer last year, and re-wrote them. The old ones were full of trusts for minor children, guardians for the same, etc. As all the named grandparents were by then dead, and all the children well over age, they simplified them a lot.

My Dad insisted on talking us through them, although we all resisted hugely. I have a vague memory of something about agircultural land being held separately for some unknown reason, and something to do with pension funds, but I was not really listening.

As a matter of interest why nothing to Isaac?

Its been one of the huge sources of family rift in dh's family, the state of affairs on the death of their mother and financial affairs (she died intestate and then some dodgy stuff happened with intestacy. No one rocks the boat because its all tied up with family stuff. Other family was the solicitor and when any one starts to raise it the boat rocks so violently that the bottom would fall out of the world of those that don't want the boat rocked...so no one does). Its not the money but the self service and the failing to think of a life with out their care afterwards that hurt DH. As it stands there are petty and silly resentments about the unloved step mother having personal effects of their mothers (which I think wouldn't be an issue if everyone got on) and an understanding they will never inherit at all, because step mother stands to and she will leave all to her own child (another marriage). There was some money from Italian stuff (which the children had to get , but it was swallowed up in taxes. As their mother was not a poor woman this sometimes grates for her children. Mostly DH shares may opinion that what we get being our own ( one way or another) is a much better state of affairs. But I know his older sibling in particular feels extremely resentful over this at times, and cuts his nose of to spite his face often over this.

I think even a token gift to each of them, something precious but not a cash might have made all the difference to their grieving. I don't KNOW that, but I think it might have done. I think cash in trust till (ahem) marriage to me or something might have helped more. but I just think feeling cared for and loved, protected through their fathers new relationship....might even have helped with the step mother issues.

neverdespairgirl

lostinrates wrote: »

As a matter of interest why nothing to Isaac?

Its been one of the huge sources of family rift in dh's family, the state of affairs on the death of their mother and financial affairs (she died intestate and then some dodgy stuff happened with intestacy. No one rocks the boat because its all tied up with family stuff.

A couple of reasons. Firstly, I absolutely trust OH to look after Isaac and his interests, and not to leave everything to some half-witted step-mother.

Secondly, these are wills for when he is young - naming, for example, my parents as guardians in the absence of either of us, and my parents' wills state that if I pre-decease them, a quarter of their estates go to Isaac, not to be distributed according to my own testatory instructions. My Dad told me about that, and I told OH - my parents didn't want OH to feel slighted, but also wanted to leave their possessions to their descendants, and only to OH in conjunction with me or Isaac.

Thirdly, our flat was bought in joint names, and with a deed of trust saying we own half of the beneficial interest each. But a very significant part of the deposit came from OH's inheritance from his own parents, and I feel it is both generous of him to put it in both our names, and also that it should go back to him if I'm dead.