Nice people thread part 8 - worth the wait

lostinrates

Grrrrrrrrre

That's all.

LydiaJ

Wassup lir?

PasturesNew

I think the basic difference is to ask yourself: do you ever offer your genitalia as an introduction, or send a photo of it without being asked (repeatedly) for it? If you answer "Yes" at all.... you're the sort we know about

Nikkster

PasturesNew wrote: »

I think the basic difference is to ask yourself: do you ever offer your genitalia as an introduction, or send a photo of it without being asked (repeatedly) for it? If you answer "Yes" at all.... you're the sort we know about

I've only been sent photos once, but I have to be honest - this wasn't the first time someone I've know is (and they know I know) in a very long-term relationship has made a move. It adds to the evidence that there is something I am doing to encourage this kind of behaviour (that I would be a willing partner in infidelity). Personally I think that it is because I am more relaxed around people I know to be attached, so am probably more friendly (I am a classic case of will avoid someone if I really like them). This suggests there is aspects to my behaviour that I need to modify. I don't want it to continue that the only men who show an interest are already supposed to be attached

LydiaJ wrote: »

lemonjelly, please think again. It's a crying shame of a waste of a lovely bloke like you if you're too scared of being misinterpreted to ask anyone out.

There are loads of women out there longing to find a decent bloke like you. Please don't make the odds even worse by removing yourself from the pool of possibles. Remember that a common female complaint is "only the jerks ask me out, and the nice ones never seem to".

This is so true lemonjelly - you sound like you would make a great partner (in the truest sense of the word partner). Please don't let the misdemeanors of others deprive someone of finding/ being with you!

As for why it feels like its only the jerks who make moves - I guess a lot of the nice men have already been snapped up (and as they are nice they are no longer making moves on other women). The not nice men continue move-making and aren't shy about it!

Nikkster

silvercar wrote: »

Sometimes first class advance fares are cheaper than second class, because the cheaper second class tickets are sold out.

When I went up to Manchester over Easter, it was cheaper to go first class (two first class singles were less expensive than standard class returns or singles).

PasturesNew

Nikkster wrote: »

It adds to the evidence that there is something I am doing to encourage this kind of behaviour

No, it's not you - they'll have been serial approachers for years. Don't think it's you. It's them. And that's how they get away with it ... the unlucky recipients of their creepy behaviour are left believing they must be leading people on. Saying "hello" is enough....

Spirit_2

lemonjelly wrote: »

I'm pretty sure that one reason for my continued single-ness, is there have been numerous occasions where I have been in social situations, with people I have felt an attraction to, but did not want to come across as a vile or lecherous individual with only one thing on their mind. Somehow, I developed a mental state that what you've posted is how any approach would be percieved, and as a result, talked myself out of doing anything. Probably because I don't want someone to think of me in the way that you have said.

Perhaps I worry too much about what others think, I dunno. But we should be careful about some of the conclusions, & as mentioned, generalisations that we are coming out with.:)

LJ you sound a self effacing Nice guy. From what I read on here I do not believe it is in your nature to make a woman feel uncomfortable by how you approach her. Take heart, be yourself and woo them with the tales of music and 'sproutage' that charm the NP women.

I agree that most men are well intentioned. Not all slime balls are easy to spot though. One of the most successful philanderers I know is a gentle chap who is very good at empathy and has had umpteen affairs.... I cannot feel sorry for his current wife...as she had knowingly entered a relationship with him when he was married to his first wife.

Spirit_2

Nikkster wrote: »

This suggests there is aspects to my behaviour that I need to modify.
!

Yep. The silly guilty feeling bit where you have an over developed sense of responsibility for the actions of blokes with egos bigger than their morals.

tomterm8

PasturesNew wrote: »

I think the basic difference is to ask yourself: do you ever offer your genitalia as an introduction, or send a photo of it without being asked (repeatedly) for it? If you answer "Yes" at all.... you're the sort we know about

Ohh...errr...

That's a hard one.

Nope. Don't think I've ever done that. Think I'd remember.

Spirit_2

Silvercar - I thought the house looked oversized for the width of the plot, it was not my cup of tea.

NDG - lovely photograph.