Nice people thread part 8 - worth the wait

lemonjelly

PasturesNew wrote: »

But, unfortunately, he is the typical type of constant barrage that single women are bothered by.

First off, I'm sorry you feel that way. However, I beg to differ - very strongly. Are you really arguing that the vast majority of men are just lecherous neanderthals? I don't think that is correct, nor is it fair to be honest.

We've taken one example, & sweeping generalisations have been drawn as a result. One anecdote does not equal data.

I appreciate the context of peoples thoughts of the context of the hypothetical that was discussed. But that was one situation, & there are millions and billions of interactions every day between men and women which do not result in such behaviour. Yet we're using one example to make comments that are not fully thought through, but also could be a short step from becoming offensive.

I'm sure there are millions of men in the UK who are polite, respectful, & find such behaviour abhorrent, manipulative and simply downright wrong. I'd like to think that I'm one. Perhaps michaels feels the same? Perhaps FIR would likewise consider himself similar? There are others I am sure.

I'm pretty sure that one reason for my continued single-ness, is there have been numerous occasions where I have been in social situations, with people I have felt an attraction to, but did not want to come across as a vile or lecherous individual with only one thing on their mind. Somehow, I developed a mental state that what you've posted is how any approach would be percieved, and as a result, talked myself out of doing anything. Probably because I don't want someone to think of me in the way that you have said.

Perhaps I worry too much about what others think, I dunno. But we should be careful about some of the conclusions, & as mentioned, generalisations that we are coming out with.:)

lostinrates

lemonjelly wrote: »

First off, I'm sorry you feel that way. However, I beg to differ - very strongly. Are you really arguing that the vast majority of men are just lecherous neanderthals? I don't think that is correct, nor is it fair to be honest.

We've taken one example, & sweeping generalisations have been drawn as a result. One anecdote does not equal data.

I appreciate the context of peoples thoughts of the context of the hypothetical that was discussed. But that was one situation, & there are millions and billions of interactions every day between men and women which do not result in such behaviour. Yet we're using one example to make comments that are not fully thought through, but also could be a short step from becoming offensive.

I'm sure there are millions of men in the UK who are polite, respectful, & find such behaviour abhorrent, manipulative and simply downright wrong. I'd like to think that I'm one. Perhaps michaels feels the same? Perhaps FIR would likewise consider himself similar? There are others I am sure.

I'm pretty sure that one reason for my continued single-ness, is there have been numerous occasions where I have been in social situations, with people I have felt an attraction to, but did not want to come across as a vile or lecherous individual with only one thing on their mind. Somehow, I developed a mental state that what you've posted is how any approach would be percieved, and as a result, talked myself out of doing anything. Probably because I don't want someone to think of me in the way that you have said.

Perhaps I worry too much about what others think, I dunno. But we should be careful about some of the conclusions, & as mentioned, generalisations that we are coming out with.:)

I find it amusing that with all the nice men you pick up on absent FIR as one of your examples.

For what it's worth fir may well be chivalrous in the extreme, and not a big flirter, but he is also a leacherous so and so. He's also deliciously manipulative at times. And while its not the only thing on his mind the 'one' features pretty highly. All in all, we are quite well matched:rotfl:


Lemon jelly, flirting done correctlyis delicious, as I pointed out in a post above, and genuinely nice approaches when both parties are available are the best. Sure they don't all lead somewhere, but when well approached they give both a happy spring in their step whether there is attraction or not.

I am sad you feel inhibited to approach people. You are such a charming person. My guess is though that you have something I common with dh, a rare quality IMO. In that the more one learns of you the more one likes you. Improving on knowing is a rare commodity...which is why most of us keep our dirtying laundry so ferociously packed away. But it's a terribly strong hand to play with.

lostinrates

lemonjelly wrote: »

Forgot to mention yesterday, but was prompted by Gen's conversation regarding loss of sense of smell.

I had earache over a week ago now, & as mentioned, it hurt!
First night was right ear. The next night was left. The night after it switched back to right.

Since then, I haven't had pain. However, my ears have felt bunged up, & my hearing hasn't been spot on. Indeed it fluctuates through the day. Certain times (nights usually) it seems that hearing is restricted in both ears! I think it is a cold that is taking an exceptional length of time to go. But my hearing sounds like I have my head in a bucket of water.

For me this is massively worrying - I love listening to music as much as anything. I've had music on in the car & haven't been able to hear quiet bits (& appreciating that contrast can be quite important!)

I hope it clears soon, however a small part of me has on occasion wondered/worried about how I'd feel if it became permanent.:(

I still pick losing sound over sight. Even with music.

Fwiw, I think it's probably worth seeing a doctor and just having your ears looked at. An infection could result in a perforated ear drum (which is ouch) and that certainly for me impacted in how I heard music for a little while!

lostinrates

Stupid question alert...I cannot remember, are there sockets in trains if you are traveling first class? (PN, calm your self, its not a posh alert just yet)

silvercar

lostinrates wrote: »

Stupid question alert...I cannot remember, are there sockets in trains if you are traveling first class? (PN, calm your self, its not a posh alert just yet)

Depends on the line. In some second class seats you can find sockets. Last time I booked a seat for DS2, it asked if he wanted facing/ non-facing, table/airline, socket, quiet carriage.

Also wifi on some services.

lostinrates

silvercar wrote: »

Depends on the line. In some second class seats you can find sockets. Last time I booked a seat for DS2, it asked if he wanted facing/ non-facing, table/airline, socket, quiet carriage.

Also wifi on some services.

Thanks silvercar.

michaels

lemonjelly wrote: »

I'm sure there are millions of men in the UK who are polite, respectful, & find such behaviour abhorrent, manipulative and simply downright wrong. I'd like to think that I'm one. Perhaps michaels feels the same?

I 100% feel the same, you are definitely polite, respectful etc....

lostinrates

michaels wrote: »

I 100% feel the same, you are definitely polite, respectful etc....

I do think it is a very difficult think to be a man. Some women want doors opened, others consider it an affront, some want to be treated like china dolls, other like inflatable ones and yet most of both types also want to be respected as equals too.

I think women are increasingly wanting 'it all' from one person, and demanding unobtainable perfection. In my opinion the compromises in the middle of relationships often turn out to be the best places, so long as noone is compromising on their core ideals.

SingleSue

New link for you all

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnuoxNZEOQ8

silvercar

lostinrates wrote: »

I do think it is a very difficult think to be a man. Some women want doors opened, others consider it an affront, some want to be treated like china dolls, other like inflatable ones and yet most of both types also want to be respected as equals too.

I think women are increasingly wanting 'it all' from one person, and demanding unobtainable perfection. In my opinion the compromises in the middle of relationships often turn out to be the best places, so long as noone is compromising on their core ideals.

Just as difficult being a woman, where every friendly action can be misinterpreted as a sign of encouragement.