Nice people thread part 8 - worth the wait

michaels

- They have sold my investment opportunity to someone else

PasturesNew

lostinrates wrote: »

Stupid question alert...I cannot remember, are there sockets in trains if you are traveling first class? (PN, calm your self, its not a posh alert just yet)

Any mention of first class (unless you're there illegally, like I was once) ... is a posh alert

neverdespairgirl

lostinrates wrote: »

Stupid question alert...I cannot remember, are there sockets in trains if you are traveling first class? (PN, calm your self, its not a posh alert just yet)

There are in longer-distance ones, not on more suburban services, though.

lemonjelly

PasturesNew wrote: »

No. there is a minority of sleazy men who approach every girl/woman, constantly ..... and because the "nice guys" aren't pestering us these people become "our usual experience".

It's something that is "hidden" as mostly us girls don't mention it.... blokes don't know about it - and can't see it in their own mates/group. But, ask any woman, and she will go "Oh yes.... he's such a creepy pest".

I can assure you we see it, are aware of it, & don't like it.

silvercar

PasturesNew wrote: »

Any mention of first class (unless you're there illegally, like I was once) ... is a posh alert

Sometimes first class advance fares are cheaper than second class, because the cheaper second class tickets are sold out.

bugslet

lemonjelly wrote: »

Just caught up - 8 pages, you lot don't half waffle on.

...:o

Well done, I only managed the last 4 pages. BTW, I don't go through any hassle for my 'good looks:rotfl:, possibly the lowest maintenance woman on the planet!

lostinrates wrote: »

I still pick losing sound over sight. Even with music.

!

Friend of mine that taught deaf children always used to say that loss of sight cuts you off from things, loss of hearing cuts you off from people. It made me think of deafness in a different way.

michaels wrote: »

- They have sold my investment opportunity to someone else

Bar stewards - do they not know who you are!:p

Re dodgy chat up lines etc ( not that I get them any more) - I spent 5 years in my late teens, early 20s, driving a forklift; there is literally nothing I haven't heard, water off a ducks back. Having said that, most of them were really nice blokes that didn't come out with any carp.

neverdespairgirl

lemonjelly wrote: »

First off, I'm sorry you feel that way. However, I beg to differ - very strongly. Are you really arguing that the vast majority of men are just lecherous neanderthals? I don't think that is correct, nor is it fair to be honest.

I am firmly convinced that the vast majority of men are perfectly decent, nice types, as are the vast majority of women. (And I tend to see some of the nastier types, in my line of work).

I think there are two reasons why the small minority of lecherous neanderthals attract women's attention.

Firstly, they tend to spread themselves about a bit. The small number approach an awful lot of women, and therefore get known about

Secondly, there is always the worrying subtext for us. Women are much more aware than men are (in my experience) of the risk of physical or sexual assault, and tend to react against it.

I know as a fact that men are much more likely to be the victim of violence or robbery etc, outside the home, than women are. But I also know that I am much more cautious and aware of such risk, compared with, say, OH.

Like all women, I have my share of approaches from the lecherous, cheating, unpleasant men - the criteria for many of them amounts to, "female, with pulse". And it is not nice. But I certainly don't tar all men with the same brush.

neverdespairgirl

bugslet wrote: »

Re dodgy chat up lines etc ( not that I get them any more) - I spent 5 years in my late teens, early 20s, driving a forklift; there is literally nothing I haven't heard, water off a ducks back. Having said that, most of them were really nice blokes that didn't come out with any carp.

One of my sisters has an HGV licence, and worked part-time that way when she was a student.

She doesn't look much like a stereotypical lorry driver - she's 5 ft 4, slim, and fair haired. She found almost all her fellow lorry drivers were polite, helpful and considerate, but she did come across a fair few muppets, too.

She was delivering a load of marquees once, to a racecourse, and the bloke in security announced when she arrived, "never thought I'd see Barbie driving one of these! Do you know you need a special licence, luv?"

She managed not to deck him, which was an exhibition of great self-control.

The lorry driver herself is now in the other place (-:

LydiaJ

lemonjelly wrote: »

First off, I'm sorry you feel that way. However, I beg to differ - very strongly. Are you really arguing that the vast majority of men are just lecherous neanderthals? I don't think that is correct, nor is it fair to be honest.

We've taken one example, & sweeping generalisations have been drawn as a result. One anecdote does not equal data.

I'm pretty sure that one reason for my continued single-ness, is there have been numerous occasions where I have been in social situations, with people I have felt an attraction to, but did not want to come across as a vile or lecherous individual with only one thing on their mind. Somehow, I developed a mental state that what you've posted is how any approach would be percieved, and as a result, talked myself out of doing anything. Probably because I don't want someone to think of me in the way that you have said.

Perhaps I worry too much about what others think, I dunno. But we should be careful about some of the conclusions, & as mentioned, generalisations that we are coming out with.:)

lemonjelly, please think again. It's a crying shame of a waste of a lovely bloke like you if you're too scared of being misinterpreted to ask anyone out.

Firstly, I agree with PN and the others: all but the most bitter and twisted of women are well aware that most men are respectful and reasonable, and perfectly capable of being attracted to a woman's outside without immediately forgetting that she has a mind and some opinions and feelings inside, as well. It's true that we find that there are enough creeps trying it on with anything that moves that almost all of us get bothered in that way sometimes. But I don't think you're disputing that, are you?

And life's too short to worry about what the paranoid "all men are bar stewards" type of woman thinks of you. They're only the idiot minority just as the lecherous men are. Please believe me, jelly, that a normal woman won't class you as "only after one thing" if you're friendly. She may have other things on her mind or feel that you're not her type (in which case don't take it personally - who knows what her type might be) or she may be friendly back. If she is, begin by making friends. It's true that flirting can be fun, as lir says, but if you're not confident about it, or afraid of being thought sleazy, then the "friends first" route is safer, and probably a better fit to who you are and how you feel about yourself. Then, when you've established yourself in the woman's mind as a nice bloke and a good friend, you can let her know you're attracted and she won't think you're a creep (whether or not she's interested in taking things further).

There are loads of women out there longing to find a decent bloke like you. Please don't make the odds even worse by removing yourself from the pool of possibles. Remember that a common female complaint is "only the jerks ask me out, and the nice ones never seem to".

LydiaJ

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Secondly, there is always the worrying subtext for us. Women are much more aware than men are (in my experience) of the risk of physical or sexual assault, and tend to react against it.

Very true. I remember reading an article once by a bloke who got groped by a woman on a bus. He said that although it was unwanted, he didn't find it threatening, but it had made him think about how different it would feel for a woman being groped by a man.