Just having a scream.

MrsCautious

Sending you a big, big hug. I don't think you sound one bit selfish. I am having flashbacks to how I lost my husband, I'm told I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Please be kind to yourself, I've been told everything I'm doing is a distraction and that I need to grieve properly. I do hope you can go and have a chat with your GP, there is no shame in it. How about some complimentary therapy? When was the last time you put yourself first? What would you say to a friend who has been through all you have? Give yourself a break and stop judging yourself so harshly. Give yourself permission to take time to heal, lots of love to you and so sorry if I'm rambling. Grief is something that has to be let in properly to then be let out, if you are seeing still what you saw, who could ever find the strength to overcome that? Many call that PTSD, including my doctor. Even being upright when faced with such pain is an incredible achievement you know, it really is, but you have been there for the rest of your family. What an amazing woman you must be, lashing out/anger/rage may also have grief at its core, hope you don't mind me saying that, apologies if it's a bit simplistic amid all you have faced, but you know sometimes it's okay not to be okay.

It's okay to not 'get a grip' or 'get on with things' or pull yourself together, stop judging how you should feel and give yourself a break, you may have reactive depression and there's not a compassionate soul on this earth who would think badly of you for admitting some help wouldn't go amiss. xxx

fiftyeighter_2

Seakay, thanks for the hugs. I do like gardening so yes the thread may be good for me. I can't get over how so many people have cared. It makes me cry to think you have all taken time to speak to me.
WMF. Thank you. I,m so glad I posted now. You are all so kind.
Living proof. I,m so so sorry you lost your son too. I know what you mean it does mellow, but the sadness is always there. I just don't know what goes through my sons mind. He,s always been a difficult boy/man but I have always had a quite good relationship with him...till now that is. To be honest I don't think he,ll ever change now as much as it pains me to say it. I will always love him and pray for him but I realise I can't do any more to help him. I will do as you say in the morning but I,m not too sure about the growing in stature I,m already 5ft 10 lol.

savingqueen

Hello fiftyeighter,

I can't add too much, so many good posts already but wanted to send positive thoughts, strength and hugs to you.

I haven't had the experiences you have, although have had my own and can identify with some of your feelings. I was once in a dark place and sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to bounce back up again. You have already made some positive steps by recognising and acknowledging your feelings and talking about them on here and also identifying the positives in your life.

Keep talking - on here (you are welcome to share with us and we will listen), to family/friends you feel able to and maybe your GP and/or a counsellor too. Don't be afraid to ask for help and accept any support offered. Set yourself small, achievable goals (you can move the goalposts when you are ready) and don't forget to have little things planned to look forward to, eg a favourite film, music, book or mag, a bunch of flowers or a plant, a cup of tea somewhere nice, a soak in the bath etc, little things to lift your mood. Be kind to yourself. Allow the sad feelings and similar to come up but in small manageable chunks of time so that you are not overwhelmed. Walking will help, getting out in the fresh air especially somewhere green.

Good idea re hobbies, socialising, volunteering but do when you are ready. Always good to have some bigger goals for later and things to plan. Take your time and you can change things at a pace that's right for you.

sq:)

savingqueen

MrsCautious wrote: »

Sending you a big, big hug. I don't think you sound one bit selfish. I am having flashbacks to how I lost my husband, I'm told I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Please be kind to yourself, I've been told everything I'm doing is a distraction and that I need to grieve properly. I do hope you can go and have a chat with your GP, there is no shame in it. How about some complimentary therapy? When was the last time you put yourself first? What would you say to a friend who has been through all you have? Give yourself a break and stop judging yourself so harshly. Give yourself permission to take time to heal, lots of love to you and so sorry if I'm rambling. Grief is something that has to be let in properly to then be let out, if you are seeing still what you saw, who could ever find the strength to overcome that? Many call that PTSD, including my doctor. Even being upright when faced with such pain is an incredible achievement you know, it really is, but you have been there for the rest of your family. What an amazing woman you must be, lashing out/anger/rage may also have grief at its core, hope you don't mind me saying that, apologies if it's a bit simplistic amid all you have faced, but you know sometimes it's okay not to be okay.

It's okay to not 'get a grip' or 'get on with things' or pull yourself together, stop judging how you should feel and give yourself a break, you may have reactive depression and there's not a compassionate soul on this earth who would think badly of you for admitting some help wouldn't go amiss. xxx

great post
sq:)

CRANKY40

If you like young children you could maybe volunteer for homestart as a way of getting to know people. I know my friend couldn't have coped without the lady that came to help her one morning a week.

http://www.home-start.org.uk/volunteer/how_volunteers_help

meritaten

hun - you could bring up a dozen kids the same way - if one goes 'off the rails' it is NOT your fault! It is his. but, its in the nature of parents to say 'where did I go wrong'? you didn't, but this is the one you beat yourself up over. YOU did nothing wrong as you did your best. Just get on with your life and if that child ever grows up - he will know how wrong he is to blame you.

Rowan9

Hi - how are you today?
W

Honey_Bear

(((Hugs))) I'm sorry you've had a really rotten time. You're already on the road to recovery because you've done something practical and posted. Well done. I found walking the dog therapeutic when I first got her, and I made myself say good morning to other dog walkers. It got me out of the house, it was exercise and it ensured I didn't brood. Every tiny change helps. Good luck with the journey.

Emm-in-a-pickle

Fiftyeighter - things can only improve now that you can`t keep re-reading your sons nasty letter. You seem to have identified that as a sort of `last straw`- if that`s what made you need to post here in the first place and then realise what a lot of supportive feedback can do, and that people DO care even if they`ve never met you in `real life` - we`re all still real here - then maybe that letter even did a little good as well as the pain it gave you!
I`m SO glad you`ve binned it. That`s a positive too.
I hope you enjoy your visit to your DS3 today, and your takeaway with your DD this evening. You deserve it! x

Pink.

Now that your thread has dropped down the board and you've had some input from Old Stylers, I have moved your thread over to the family and relationships board where hopefully you will get more advice.

Pink

Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: I’ve asked Board Guides to move threads if they’ll receive a better response elsewhere (please see this rule) so this post/thread has been moved to another board, where it should get more replies. If you have any questions about this policy please email [EMAIL="forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com"]forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com[/EMAIL].