Disobedient children are really getting me down

Spendless

kittie wrote: »

quote from spendless `I'd have ripped their head off`

says it all. Violence breeds violence

my 3 are grown up and weren`t born as perfect little angels but they learnt by example. They turned into perfect adults and are all in perfect marriages with perfect responsible jobs. They are respectful and caring people. Oh I forgot, so are me and my dh and that is how we brought them up. We showed them without violence

What's that suppossed to mean . I meant I would 'verbally' rip her head off for hitting me. If you want to have a go at someone for being 'violent' try criticising the woman who also went and hit at the parent in lil-mes post cos that follows your violence breads violence theory or perhaps it was all right for her to hit. :rolleyes:

You have no idea whether I was smacked as a child or whether I smack my children. I have not said I agree or disagree with it. So I do not know where you are coming from with your 'violence breeds violence' post.

celyn90

A couple of years ago I was standing in a queue in the supermarket with my mum and the lady in front was shouting at her small boy, who was lying on the floor screaming. She was obviously very flustered and angry enough to turn round and have a go at my Mum saying something on the lines of "I don't know what the !!!! your staring at, what the !!!! would you do", (uncalled for as she hadn't even looked over in his direction) to which she calmly replied. "I would collect my shopping, I would walk over to him, step over him and leave the store and not look back and not say anything". She looked a bit shocked then did it. The kid stopped screaming, looked really shocked, stood up, then ran after her.

I think the only time I've ever been shocked by a response to bad behaviour was when I was just turned sixteen and working part-time. The kid was running about (IMHO not doing any real harm either, just full of energy!) and the parent yelled across the room "if you don't stop that, the lady will tell you off" guesturing in my direction. She then came over to me and rudely demanded that I stop her kid running about - to which my response was (very quietly so the kid didn't hear) "I'm sorry madam, I am not permitted to discipline your child or to determine or enforce an acceptable level of behaviour". She looked really shocked. I don't have kids myself, so know I can't comment on how hard it is or how frustrating it must be when things get difficult, but I do think it really wasn't my place or responsibility to give that child a discipline structure in this instance simply because the parent wouldn't.

Now as a teacher I always work on the principle that they don't have to like me, they just have to behave themselves and that seems to work okay (not all the time, sometimes I feel like screaming myself :rotfl: ). I've only ever raised my voice once in a lesson and yelled a command (and that was a safety issue) and I was amazed that the room went dead.

I can feel myself turning into my mother.....:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

maverickangel

snowmaid wrote: »

Yup, we had our mouths washed out with soap! Never used a bad word again! My son tried swearing once and only once.....I just said to him that the next time I heard any bad language he would have his mouth washed out....that it wouldn't be tolerated.....he never did it again because he knew I meant business.

mmmm, my mum tried that trick on me when i was kid...and guess what, i swear like a trooper when i'm in the mood.;)

in terms of OP's post, i think the sensible points around consistency and rewarding good behaviour and so on have already been covered. In terms of smacking - 50 years ago children were regularly caned - good wholesome discipline, i believe it was called. I would suspect that no-one posting on here would advocate beating a child with a cane, would they?

Similarly I would hope that a few years from now any physical chastisement is seen as an equally inappropriate response in dealing with children's behaviour.

I think it's revolting. It knocks me physically sick to see an adult smack a child, it really does.

I do not smack my children, have never come close to smacking my children and would feel absolutely disgusted with myself if i stooped so low.

...and incidentally my children are well behaved (so i'm told) and require very little punishment. We have a few rules, consistently enforced and that's the end of the matter.

...i'll get my coat now, eh?...along with my copy of the Guardian and hemp sandals:D

beautifulgorgeous_2

When mine were little i used to tell them that I had a smack in one hand and a kiss in the other and perhaps they would like to choose which they got. If they answered the kiss then I told them to do as I had asked otherwise they would be asking for the smack. It served to remind them to do as they were asked. If I did get as far as the smack which was very rare then I gave them a token tap with apromise of more from the smackstore. Laughter usually difused the situation.

buxtonrabbitgreen

Hi all
Well I just stopped reading this thread to have dinner. After which I was chatting to my 2 teenagers about discipline and what they thought of mine. According to my DS I never disciplined him but he's perfect anyway. his words. They are not perfect by a long stretch, but they are preety amusing.
I think he has forgotten that at the age of about 5, having told him to clear up all his toy cars from the living room floor, and having warned him the day before that I would throw them away if he didn't: He found that I had. Actually I had just put them in the shed, but I didn't bring them out for about a year, by which time he knew i meant what I said.
Dont sweat the small stuff. Don't try to live by anyone elses standards. Do what is important to you. And it has been said before. Say what you mean and do what you say.

MonkeySaving?

kaykay wrote: »

Just read all of these posts with interest.
Personally for me smacking just ends up with me feeling really bad.

Why? have you been brainwashed by the government and anti-smacking groups that smacking is bad?? I think it works wonders personally, i was smacked as a child with various objects (wooden spoon, belt) and also had my mouth washed out with soap and water if i sweared. Here's a thought, both me and brother (who were smacked as a child) went on to go to university and get decent jobs whereas my sister who wasn't (because my parents felt "bad" about it), ended up using drugs, dressing like a chav and ended up on the dole ...make your own opinion of that....

maverickangel

MonkeySaving? wrote: »

Why? have you been brainwashed by the government and anti-smacking groups that smacking is bad?? I think it works wonders personally, i was smacked as a child with various objects (wooden spoon, belt) and also had my mouth washed out with soap and water if i sweared. Here's a thought, both me and brother (who were smacked as a child) went on to go to university and get decent jobs whereas my sister who wasn't (because my parents felt "bad" about it), ended up using drugs, dressing like a chav and ended up on the dole ...make your own opinion of that....

well, my own opinion on that is...

mmmm...you sound nice, not. I wonder if it's due to the physical abuse you suffered as a child? I'm sorry if that's the case.

I'm not quite clear on the link between physical chastisement, fashion sense and employability TBH. Makes no sense to me at all.

Research indicates strong links between physical chastisement (particularly the level you experienced) and dysfunctional adult behaviour, rather than the reverse - although clearly this is not a hard and fast rule.

...and if u think it is in any way, shape or form appropriate to hit a child with a wooden spoon then i think you need help. Seriously. That's an awful thing to do to a child and i'm sorry you were put through it.

MonkeySaving?

maverickangel wrote: »

Snipped b0ll0x

LOL, are you religious by any chance (or aged 20) ?
EDIT/ "Research" my a$$
EDIT2/ I wasn't asking your opinion of me either, if you want to do that PM me personally

maverickangel

MonkeySaving? wrote: »

LOL, are you religious by any chance (or aged 20) ?
EDIT/ "Research" my a$$

Heh heh, neither. Just telling it as i see it - same as you.

MonkeySaving?

maverickangel wrote: »

Heh heh, neither. Just telling it as i see it - same as you.

2 out of 3 ain't bad though...speaks volumes for PP