Disobedient children are really getting me down

snowmaid

Tam_Lin wrote: »

I still remember the smack I got from my Mum when I said the F word to her at 5 .... never again (even now!). Besides, even if my parents hadn't agreed with smacking, Nan used to smack us on a regular basis anyway - I remember the swinging hand and the fag butt hanging out of her mouth dropping ash everywhere. Hard woman, my Nan.

:rotfl: Well....my nan just had to look at me.....eyebrow raised....I cringed and would walk away from doing whatever I was doing...tail between my legs...:rotfl:

Parents need to stop being scared of upsetting their child and saying no. It doesn't damage them. Be stern. When I watch parenting programmes the stress that everyone goes through is rediculous. So much time is wasted being unhappy!! A hiding stops the tantrum, child may sulk for a few minutes etc, but then its over, but they will remember that hiding.

I am NOT advocating smacking for every little thing. Only for the worst things. If you start smacking for everything it loses its meaning and children will just become 'immune'. Like I said, if my children had 5 smacks in their childhood it was a lot!

rls1973

ailuro2 wrote: »

Come down very hard on them when they refuse to listen- if they don't stop colouring in, then remove their colouring books for two days, or even a week if it is a repeat offence.Don't give them any warning the first time you do it.Explain (nicely) you expect to be heard when you ask them to do something.

No screen time if they won't leave the pc/tv/DS to go to bed- one day without screen time is enough.

The punishments won't have to last long- they are keeping going until you set new boundaries for them- our 8yo DD is going through a phase like this at the mo- she does it every so often to try to test the boundaries, but a swift reminder of what happens when she ignores us is all that's needed to let her know the boundary is still in place.

Best of luck to you all. I agree with your point about it spoiling family life. They are old enough to do as you ask them now.

^everything she said!

ours are 8 and nearly 5, it's draining and i hate feeling like 'the nag' constantly repeating the same thing, or ending up shouting. and yes, it is embarassing when you're out. in fact you don't feel like going out with them sometimes because of it, which is sad because we want to enjoy our children don't we. i now tell them straight that i won't take them out if they are going to ignore me, and like ailuro said, you have to come down quite heavy the first time you ask them to do something and get ignored: we take away tv/computer time, remove toy for a set time, ban treats for one week or whatever, according to the severity.

age helps though:
the 8 year old is pretty good, just needs a reminder of the consequences. the younger one........is a work in progress <grits teeth>:mad: :rolleyes:

Penelope_Penguin

snowmaid wrote: »

:rotfl: Well....my nan just had to look at me.....eyebrow raised....I cringed and would walk away from doing whatever I was doing...tail between my legs...:rotfl:

Parents need to stop being scared of upsetting their child and saying no. It doesn't damage them. Be stern. When I watch parenting programmes the stress that everyone goes through is rediculous. So much time is wasted being unhappy!! A hiding stops the tantrum, child may sulk for a few minutes etc, but then its over, but they will remember that hiding.

I am NOT advocating smacking for every little thing. Only for the worst things. If you start smacking for everything it loses its meaning and children will just become 'immune'. Like I said, if my children had 5 smacks in their childhood it was a lot!

That's 4 posts now, and all suggesting smacking is the solution :eek: :eek: :eek:

Children are far better off not being scared of their parents. There are plenty of other solutions.

Penny. x

snowmaid

Penelope_Penguin wrote: »

That's 4 posts now, and all suggesting smacking is the solution :eek: :eek: :eek:

Children are far better off not being scared of their parents. There are plenty of other solutions.

Penny. x

hhmmm....hubby does say I never know when to button it! On and on I go!

My children aren't scared of me at all. They tease me a lot! Even my 9 year old! :rolleyes: My 20 year old daughter and my 19 year old still come to me for hugs and cuddles (although my older son constantly tries to tickle my feet because he knows I hate it!).

But, they had hidings and we are close as ever...they never up'd and left! I'm going off on one again aren't I.....:D

Paula_anne

My father used to smack me as a child tho a little too much (i think) my mother was as soft as, but i have respect for people around me and also their property, altho i smacked my kids when they were younger i don't now cos they know respect and right from wrong, kids are what we make them. Kids need boundaries, routines and consistancy. good manners respect...........

DKLS

Why are parents bargaining and discussing with their kids?
Whose the adult in the family?
Kids need boundaries and should know there are consequences if they cross the line, whatever the punishment may be.

snowmaid

DKLS wrote: »

Why are parents bargaining and discussing with their kids?
Whose the adult in the family?
Kids need boundaries and should know there are consequences if they cross the line, whatever the punishment may be.

:T :T

Oh boy.....I am making myself so popular....:D

Paula_anne

Although kids do need to know why they are being punished, i don't smack my kids anymore, i just shout send them to their rooms to give my time to chill, then i go and talk to them, usually i don't have to ask for a appology cos my kids know they've pushed it, we then kiss and hug and forget it.

mrcow

mamashaz wrote: »

Yesterday evening I literally had to drag him to bed after he refused to stop colouring despite being told many times, and that was after I had dragged him off CBeebies 5 minutes earlier.

Mean to mean business! Take the plug off the television until they start behaving.

Perhaps that may help to focus their attention?



My children are five and nearly two (and I have a baby) and both know full well that I have never made an idle threat. They don't dare to try and embarrass me in public either, as they know I can be even more embarrassing than they can. I've never laid a finger on them but I certainly don't have any problems with behaviour!

smileypigface

I have 3 children - 16, 13 and 8.

I smacked the oldest ... then thought to myself that as children learn by example - what example am I setting ....?

If you don't like something someone else is doing then it is acceptable to hurt them physically!

I then decided that wasn't the example I wanted to set.

I thoroughly agree with Mrs Penguin - it is possible to explain reasons for your decisions (without going into unnecessary minute detail) - consistency and fairness are the key to my approach - I would like to be treated with consistency and fairness and non-violent means, why would I want anything different for my children?

When my youngest two squabble and it degenerates into physical pushing and pulling (doesn't happen often!) - I always say to them that hurting people is not the way to get their own way - I ask them if they see me and their dad hurting each other if we are discussing something - it would be total double standards if I was telling them one minute that it is unacceptable to hurt each other and then use physical action as a method of disciplining them.

By comparison within my family - my eldest who was smacked was no better or worse behaved than her younger siblings (who were not smacked) at the same ages/stages of development.

I agree, the adults need to act like adults ...... how often do you smack your boss or work colleagues or lady in the paper shop, because you disagree with their actions? So how could it ever be acceptable to smack a person smaller and more defenceless than yourself?

Yes, adults should be respected - but by earning respect not by trying to take it by force.

My opinion - not saying that it should be anyone elses.;)