Why can't I just be left alone!?

coinxoperated

Thanks Paddles!

Paddles

Helen2k8 wrote: »

Rant away

I get like that sometimes - I think it is an introvert/extrovert thing. I love being out with friends, but I also love and need time to myself to recharge - otherwise I end up stressed and ratty. It is hard to explain to people who don't "get it" - I normally end up saying something like "I can't do tomorrow but how about next Saturday? But I've only got a couple of hours free, y'know, laundry and that builds up".

Oh and exactly this, I'm an introvert who everyone assumes is an extrovert because of my previous inability to say no to anything.

mrcow

I really think you have to start learning to use the word "no".

Otherwise, things which should be enjoyable (e.g. spending time with friends) just turn into a chore.

Plus, it makes people appreciate your "yes's" even more.

If your friend is pushing for an evening, then book one, but make it in three weeks. If your sister is asking to visit, you give her some dates that suit you. If you wnat a KFC, then turn around to your OH after waiting 2 hours for lunch and tell him you're going to get one and that the roast can wait.

And start doing more stuff that makes you happy. Say "no" to people on things you don't want to do. If you don't want to visit your gran because she's a manipulative bully, then leave her alone. Don't visit her. And tell your uncle you'll let him know if and when you're going to visit. If he starts, just say goodbye and put the phone down.

You don't have to live an unhappy life. And you're entitled to your own space.

System

Sorry but i think you ought to be grateful that you have a family that wants to include you in their lives.

How fortunate you have so many caring people round you.

Ladyhawk

If they are not caring about her feelings or how they impact her, they're hardly caring!!

coinxoperated

Ladyhawk wrote: »

If they are not caring about her feelings or how they impact her, they're hardly caring!!

Thanks. This is how it feels. I don't actually have a large welcoming family... I have my Dad who is pre-occupied with his new girlfriend (6th one in 3 months...)... My sister who... Well I think it's pretty clear. And then I have my nan and uncle which I've already explained about.

I have my OH who I am truly grateful for. I was incredibly lonely before I met him. He's my soul mate, but he does irritate me at times!

It feels like I'm being pulled to what everyone else wants. Its not for me, it certainly doesn't feel like they care about me, it's about what they can get out of me.

OH didnt make Sunday dinner for me, he made it because he fancied a go at it. It wasn't meant as a 'nice thing' for me... Maybe that's not clear and that's why it seems ungrateful.

Thanks for the replies!

ecgirl07

thorsoak wrote: »

So I am right!

nope there is a big difference between the op being miserable and the op being a miserable bovine.

its disingenuous of you to claim they are same now.

Errata

My best friend has, even after explaining this to her, continued to ask me to either visit her or her visit me about 9 times since Friday night. She's not your best friend, she's not even a good friend We talk alot via text throughout the week You don't 'talk' you send each other messages

What to do? Bin the 'friend' and concentrate on sorting out your family.

Mrs_Bones

I get where you are coming from OP. I'm not a people person, more than a few hours socializing, that includes with family and I'm looking for a way out. You need to learn the simple word of 'No' it's not easy I admit, took me years to learn it but once learned life does get easier.

Everyone just expecting you to be at the beck and call just breeds resentment. You and your other half work and that means the time you have together will be precious. Everyone should be allowed some down time. Don't let other people waste that time, do the things that matter to you in life. Making time for friends and family is not the same as allowing them to monopolize your time and take over.

Life changes as we age different priorities start to take over our time it can sometimes take friends a while to learn this. If those friends are too insecure or needy of your time then it can take a while for them to realise this and yes sometimes it means those friendships drift apart, that's just life. It doesn't always need to happen though. I've know my closest friend for over 27 years, those years have taken us through different jobs, divorces, remarriages, house moves etc due to all that we currently only actually manage to meet up together around every two months, doesn't mean our friendship is any less it's just matured with the changes in our lives. We keep contact in between via the pc and phone etc and when we do get together we chatter away like we always did.

Maybe the time has come for you to sit down with your friend and explain you are not what ever age you were when you meet and your life has changed now with working and having your other half etc doesn't mean you don't still value their friendship. Then just arrange a regular time say once a week or forthnight, which ever works best for you when you can just have a day that is a time for both of you to catch up. As for family, it's back to learning that 'No' word. Oh and most phones come with off switches.

Brighton_belle

I don't get why the op should be grateful to a ghastly family who play the guilt card all the time and a friend who has texted 9 times since friday about her coming round even though the op has said no?

It all sounds stressful OP. You definitely need to practice saying no more often: it can be said pleasantly it does not = being nasty. Only you can change what is going on.

I really really very rarely spend anytime with anyone I find difficult or exhausting, and then it would only be due to extreme social obligation for a limited time.
I don't even spend time with someone I love if I am exhausted and need to recharge my batteries in peace and quiet. I expect the same honesty and boundaries from my friends.

Stop going to visit your horrible nan - why would you put yourself through that. Stop engaging in conversations with your uncle if there is nothing about them that uplifts you.

And stop dancing to your little sisters tune - your problem there is not so much her, as your inability to create firm boundariesas to what is ok for you, and stick to them.

Turn off your phone when you don't want to repond to txts. You are in charge of the phone, not a slave to it.

I think there is a big differnce between saying someone sounds miserable and saying they sound a miserable c*w. One is supportive, the other comes across as nasty. Can't you hear the OP is exhasted and need time and space to recharge her batteries?