Why can't I just be left alone!?

thorsoak

trevor_john wrote: »

I can't understand the downright hostility towards the OP. OK
she's having a moan...... so what???? She sounds as if and her partner work very hard, like a lot of people, and just would like some time to herself to relax. What's wrong with that??

I think we all feel a bit resentful and fed up towards other people at times.

I think the OP should just try to tactfully explain to the people involved that she really is tired and wants a little bit of valuable "me - time".

To call someone disgusting because they want a bit of a moan is bordering towards plain nastiness.

Also, to compare this post to another poor person who is trying to cope with cancer is wrong. It's so completely irrelevant.

Please people, try not to be so judgemental

For the record, I did not call her disgusting ....another poster called my post "disgusting" because I said that the OP was a miserable ... - which she herself has admitted!

If I thought she needed sympathy, I would have given her sympathy - but in my opinion - to which I am as entitled as any other poster - she needs a wake-up call.

Regards to all x

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Cxo - I think you need to start telling people that you will get back to them about stuff.

Try this

I'm not sure at the moment, I'll see if we can fit it in
You let me know nearer the time [and make sure you are booked to do something else]
We're in the middle of something, will text/call/talk later

And this one
I'd love to but we just can't

And
No sorry
No can do
If only

Once you start using them you become free from friends/family trying to manipulate you.

coinxoperated

Paddles wrote: »

I completely sympathise. I need time alone too, although with the amount of kids we have and hubby being a househusband it is virtually unheard of and I do find it a struggle. That said it is not something I can change while it sounds like you might be able to.

Firstly I'm astounded at your sister suggesting you book time off around her. Perhaps you could try explaining you and OH don't get much time together so you've booked all of your leave around him, but you'd love to see her if she can make this date or that date. Even if not strictly true, it's more gentle than saying 'sod off you cheeky mare' which is what I'd say

For best friend, explain you don't have much time with hubby, you're tired, and you really need time alone and with hubby and you really want to spend time with her, but you need time to recharge your batteries first so perhaps you could have a standing two weekly /monthly get together. funnily enough was having this conversation with a friend who feels like you yesterday and she said she likes that we feel the same because she can tell me she doesn't want to without me being upset and vice versa. Perhaps if you explained everything to your friend you could get there?

Don't know what to say about your nan, how often do you visit her? I think just ignore any mutterings, and if you can't, invite mutterer round for dinner - hubby cooking

Anyway got to be worth trying to explain, otherwise don't answer your phones or door if you don't want to. Just because they're ringing doesn't make it convinientfor you

Thanks for this. Some great ideas! I just don't want to upset them all by needing some alone time. I suppose I could have worded my original rant a bit better... but as always.. it wouldn't be a rant if we looked at things in a clear perspective.

My nan is elderly and I'm aware she won't be around forever. I'm not saying I don't care about them, it's just that I can't be there all of the time as they would like.

My sister is a rather unpleasent 20 year old. I love her unconditionally, especially after losing our mother as I became quite maternal over her. But she has some cheek. Last time she visited, she had asked what night we were going to a club. She came down on that day with no money, no return train ticket and no going-out clothes and guilted me into spending around 80 quid :eek: for her ticket home, a nice top for her to wear out and her drinks. I felt like I had no choice. Hence my reluctance to bend over backwards to allow her to visit when she wishes.

Thanks for the advice though, I'll definately take it on board. I just struggle to say No to anything!

**professor~yaffle**

Perhaps it's hard for extrovert people who feel energised by being around others all the time to understand that there are also people for whom socialising for hours on end is absolutely draining.

It is hard to put that point across without sounding churlish and mean-spirited, but I can only say that I also HAVE to be on my own in order to re-charge my batteries, much as I love the company of others.

coinxoperated

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

coinxoperated I think you should start a diary, one you keep on your computer and is password protected. You can say whatever you like in there about people. It is very cathartic! Everyone needs to have an outlet for their thoughts and feelings otherwise we'd go a bit crazy!

It sounds like things and people are getting to you. I kind of know how you feel, sometimes it takes up more energy to argue with them than it does to just smile and say 'yeah, ok' and you don't always have that surplus energy, especially when you have your own stuff to deal with.

Great idea about the diary! And yes, saying No seems to have such rubbish consequences of guilt and moaning about it, it is easier to just go along with stuff sometimes

trevor_john

Ooops!!!! Sorry Treevo, got my people the wrong way around, I meant the one who said she was a miserable c*w........ not you.

Sorry:o

Helen2k8

Rant away

I get like that sometimes - I think it is an introvert/extrovert thing. I love being out with friends, but I also love and need time to myself to recharge - otherwise I end up stressed and ratty. It is hard to explain to people who don't "get it" - I normally end up saying something like "I can't do tomorrow but how about next Saturday? But I've only got a couple of hours free, y'know, laundry and that builds up".

Paddles

Oh and don't worry about the you're better off than others posts. It's all relative, my biggest problem is that me and hubby don't have a bedroom and sleep on sofas in the family area, does that mean no one who has a bedroom can complain? No it doesn't. I would not swap my problem for most peoples, some people don't even have houses, but I am allowed to feel a bit miserable occasionally!

coinxoperated

Just to clear it up:

I don't hate everybody
I don't hate my life
I don't hate caring for others
I don't hate socialising!
I am grateful for what I have
I work hard to gain things I want
I work hard for my OH so that WE have the life we want
I also suffer with anxiety and OCD

If someone wants to call me a miserable c*w, let them. I feel flippin' miserable about feeling this way. It wasn't particularly needed but they clearly got their kicks from it. And comparing my rant to someone who is struggling with Cancer is entirely unfair. The problems in ones life are not in competition with anyone elses. Everyone has a tough time sometimes, for various reasons. Cancer being one of them. There are various other things that affect your life just as much as Cancer in my opinion.

Paddles

coinxoperated wrote: »

I just struggle to say No to anything!

Me too, it's been my New Years Resolution, and so far I've said no to two things I really didn't want to do and pre warned a friend that I won't ever go drinking with her again - she is really aggressive when drunk and before I'd have gone and been tense and miserable but now I've explained I love her, and want to see her, but it's all a bit lively for me :-).

Maybe they a pre-moan with your sister, like before she gets a chance to speak launch into an epic rant about how poor you are etc. Unless she's shameless she shouldn't ask, and if she does you can gently remind her you're on the bread line :-)