Why can't I just be left alone!?

caeler

It sounded like you needed to get that off your chest. I totally understand the need to be alone occasionally and I will sometimes screen phone calls and ignore texts just to be on my own (thankfully if I don't answer I'm far enough away not to get a tap at the door to check I'm okay!). As for OH mucking about in the kitchen, I think I would be feeling exactly the same as you are right now, I'm fairly OCD at times and if things aren't done efficiently and without fuss then I can feel my stress levels rise in an instant. I don't have any suggestions but I hope you get through today.

LannieDuck

I understand, OP. I'm very surprised at some of the harsher replies - your post really wasn't that bad!

I need some alone-time every now and then. I work full-time and then want to spend as much of my weekend with my LO as possible. But I also hugely appreciate the 30 mins of quiet that I get when my OH takes LO out to the shops. Sometimes you just time need to relax.

OP, you need to learn to say no. I think you have a good set-up with your nan - once a month sounds about right to me (unless she lives very close?). Perhaps you could start something similar with your friend - once a week, maybe?

I can't really tell if your OH was cooking for lunch or dinner. If it's dinner, then I don't see the problem - is 7pm late for you? And could you not have suggested he put a tray under the pork to catch the drippings?

With your sister, just stop being a push-over. Give *her* some dates you can do, or just pick one of her dates and say you can only do that one. You didn't 'have' to buy her a new top. She could just go clubbing in what she had with her, or buy herself one. A return train ticket is more difficult - how did she intend to get home?

Yorkie1

OP, I can empathise with some of what you say, in sofaras needing time alone to get my head together and recharge batteries. People constantly demanding things increases anxiety and pressure levels. Others who do not experience this often find this impossible to relate to.

Have you ever done a personality type test? Someone else on here mentioned introvert / extrovert. My broad understanding of this is (partially) about where you get your energy from - i.e. whether you need to be among people to recharge, or time out to give your head some space.

This is a useful little site:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

There is no right or wrong type, it just helps you to understand what your personality preferences are, and how to perhaps be a little bit more kind to yourself. It is so much easier to give others what they want or need, if you have first given yourself the capacity to function better.

Be kind to yourself. And realise that saying 'No' will actually make you feel better in the long term!

MissSarah151

Helen2k8 wrote: »

Rant away

I get like that sometimes - I think it is an introvert/extrovert thing. I love being out with friends, but I also love and need time to myself to recharge - otherwise I end up stressed and ratty. It is hard to explain to people who don't "get it" - I normally end up saying something like "I can't do tomorrow but how about next Saturday? But I've only got a couple of hours free, y'know, laundry and that builds up".

Yep - I can relate to that! I deflect the situation like that as well 'aw can't this weekend - how about coffee on Tuesday though?'

The thought of friends 'just dropping by' makes me feel most on edge too - I need to know in advance - luckily everyone knows this so it doesn't happen haha.

Sarah

bagpussbear

I feel for you OP, it sounds like everyone wants a piece of you at the moment, and while that can be a good thing eg. friends wanting to spend time with you, you simply don't have the time, nor emotional energy. I think this happens to all of us sometimes in life, and its a hard balance to totally put yourself first without alienating family and friends.

I think you need to think do you want any of these people in your life any more, and if the answer is yes then you do need to compromise a little.
Could you say to your friend, you need to simply say that work is making you exhausted and you want to fix one night a month when you see her.

As for your family, well what do you prefer to do? cut out contact totally or to reduce visits etc.

Is there any chance you could change jobs, reduce hours, or negotiate to working 5 days, anything that would actually free up more time?

You do sound overwhelmed, and I hope you manage to find a solution soon.

JCD_Capulet

Hello OP :hello:

I read your thread earlier and subscribed so I could come back and show my support. I totally understand where you're coming from.

I love my friends and family dearly but I can only spend so much time with them, a few hours just like yourself, before I NEED to make my excuses and head for home and my boyfriend is quite the same although we could spend weeks in each others company and be just hunky dory.

I however have been suffering with depression since my early teens and my boyfriend is bipolar (being managed) and I think this has something to do with why he and I can only be sociable for so long with others before we need some retreat time. Home is where I find my solace and honestly, I've had friends who were similar to yours who used to call and text constantly wanting to do X/Y/Z. I had to grit my teeth and tell them how I felt and we eventually worked it out. I don't see those friends nearly as much as I used to, but that doesn't mean we don't care about each other now it's all out in the open.

Sending you a big hug OP, as others have said, find it in you to talk to your friend honestly about how you feel and don't be afraid to say 'no' or 'another time' etc. It is hard at first when you're used to jumping to everyone elses tune, but practice and you'll have more confidence to stand your ground x

MissSarah151 wrote: »

The thought of friends 'just dropping by' makes me feel most on edge too - I need to know in advance - luckily everyone knows this so it doesn't happen haha.

Sarah

I am EXACTLY the same! I live in a tenement flat and if the buzzer goes when I'm not expecting any pre arranged visitors or a delivery of some sort I plain won't answer it.

Even when sales people and the likes :eek: manage to get into the building and unexpectedly chap my door, I'll carry on going around the house doing what I'm doing and ignore it.

Nobody is obliged to answer their door (or reply to texts or missed calls for that matter)

exarmydreamer

I have Aspergers and hate having 'callers', I can't stand my in-laws so deliberately moved 200 miles away from them. My mother and sister are the same as me and we all can only stand so much 'company', (including each others and never, ever call unexpected on each other).

I hate people expecting to much of me, making arrangements that include me and trying to include me in events that I know I won't like/interest me. Don't get me wrong, I have skydived, enjoy travelling, (especially on the motorbike) and having fun but this is at my own pace/style and with company of my choosing, mostly my husband.

My home is my haven and I deserve to have a rant and a moan, if I want too and you OP deserve to have that freedom too. We all have a door with a lock and a phone, so the decision to have guests or go out should be yours to make and no one else's.:)

P.S I do love my DH cooking but not the snoring which he is doing on the sofa now, so I may just stick a pillow over his head. Is that anti-social enough.:rotfl:

Sally_A

Doesn't everyone sometimes wish they could put the world on pause.

It seems to be more common place these days, that you need a whole Saturday to recover from the frazzled brain syndrome you get at work. Pay is stagnant, pressure is greater, and you work longer - it gets you down, and then you flip - if HR ask why you didn't come to them sooner - easy peasy - cos you'd have put me down as a non-coping flaky bint.

People then trying to help actually cause more stress, although they have 100% good intentions, cries of "Where's the oil?" "Where's the potato peeler?" and 101 more cries, that really grates.

I don't think coinxoperated is unreasonable in asking for peace with no calls on her time, and I don't think she has not considered the people that are greatly worse off than her; but better to post here, and get postitive responses and help, than explode in the shopping centre with a machete.

Everyone needs to get their head together once in a while without outside pressure.

thorsoak

Treevo wrote: »

The bitter old shrew is the one who disgusts me. Not the OP.

Treevo wrote: »

I didn't call your post disgusting, I said you disgust me. You used someone else's illness to make your vicious point and you try to justify it like so many lonely, bitter old crows like you so often do. You are disgusting.

Do you feel better now Treevo?

You know nothing about me - but you are entitled to your opinion, just as I am.

Dunroamin

I can understand most of the OP's problems except for complaining about her husband serving dinner at 7 o'clock. That just doesn't seem to make sense.