Why can't I just be left alone!?

coinxoperated

Just a much needed rant!

I work full time, some weeks 6 out of 7 days. OH works 5 days one week and 6 the next.

This weekend, we had made some plans to go out for a few drinks with friends last night, but OH was called into work in the morning so we decided to leave it until next weekend. Were short on cash at the moment too, so every little saving helps.

My closest friend and her partner (who I struggle to bond with, hes very childish and seems to think I should be fascinated by his recent large fresh meat purchase for loads of money should impress me. Alongside this, he's just extremely childish) have moved 0.5 mile away from my flat and are bugging me daily to either go round for dinner, visit, or they will come to me. It almost feels like a threat at times!

Alongside this, my OH does nothing other than work and spend time with me. I have asked him to go out with friends or do something he wants to, but he seems pretty happy just being at home. He's dads much like that too, so its not unexpected. I'm more than happy to just stay in and relax, its a rareity to not HAVE to do something.

I love my best friend to bits, but I'm not really a 'people' person and struggle spending longer than say, 3 hours with the same people. My OH is probably the only person I have ever managed to be with for such long periods of time without wanting to kill them. (Although.. right now I could).

This weekend, as we all know, is mothers day. I have no children and my mum passed away when I was 15. Each mothers day I feel cranky, sad, emotional and tend to just want to be on my own. I just want and need my own space.

My best friend has, even after explaining this to her, continued to ask me to either visit her or her visit me about 9 times since Friday night. We talk alot via text throughout the week and nothing big has happened that she needs me for or anything, she just seems to have a fixation on that we live closer now so we should see each other all the time.

She has been there for me and I for her and I don't want to end the friendship or anything that extreme, I just need my space.

Alongside all of this, my uncle who cares for my nan who is 100 also phones me three times a week wanting me to commit to a time I can visit. If the visit is less than 4 hours I get tutting, sighing and then hearing about how rubbish he thinks I am after telling my sister. My sister is very spiteful and relays this all back to me. I know he does it, I've heard him!

I visit them monthly at the moment. It's a long story, but my nan isn't a 100 year old lovely granny. She is a manipulative woman who will stir and b!tch at every opportunity. I can never discuss anything in my life with them, as without a doubt everybody will know about it. They twist words and make up things to entertain themselves.

I'm pretty seperated from everyone in my family, as they all seem to just do things to ''look good'. They aren't a caring family, nor do they help anyone in times of need. They just turn up when there face should be in the family photo so to speak

And then I have OH. Who informed me very proudly at 1pm that he would be making us a roast dinner as a treat as we had a pork joint in the freezer.

That was 3 hours and 51 minutes ago... and he's just putting it into the oven. As much as I appriciate his efforts, I feel like throwing it at his head and going and getting a McDonalds. We won't be eating until nearer 7pm, as he spends forever to do basic kitchen tasks, and with the risk of sounded very ungrateful, his food isn't exactly scrumptious.

Whilst messing around between 1pm and 4:53pm, he's managed to forget he left a pan on with oil in, which has smoked out our flat and made my eyes sting and water. He's tried to do something fancy with the pork, which would have been great.. until he then put the pork joint onto a tray which all the juices are running off while it 'slow cooks' in our oven. It's a disaster which I will have to smile through because he's 'doing us a favour'.


And then we have my younger sister, who dictates when she will be visiting and how many hours she would like to have of everyones time. She sent me a list of dates to book as annual leave from work, as she 'might' be able to visit.

Now, if she was a busy mum, business woman etc etc I would totally appriciate the efforts to visit. But she's in a low paid 9 - 5 monday to friday job which is funding her OH's drug habit and constant drinking. She'll visit and moan her head off about her OH and then expects us to be polite and sit with him. If were not particularly chatty with him, I get some sort of 'he's who I have chosen, accept him' text. Quite frankly, it saddens me that this scumbag has brain washed my sister. But she won't listen and he won't change.

I am just getting fed up with people. I hand on heart want to just tell them all to f off and leave me alone.

Phew... well that feels better. Ironically, I wouldn't mind reading any replies :rotfl: Internet people are great, you can just close the screen when it gets boring / annoying / you find something better to do! :T

CH27

Is there anyone in your life that you actually like?

pinkladyof66

op i understand where you are coming from it seems as if everyone else is running your life for you i was in similar situation a few years ago. I bet you feel like just bolting the door turning off home phone and mobile and leaving them all to it. I am sorry. i do hope it gets better for you

coinxoperated

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

op i understand where you are coming from it seems as if everyone else is running your life for you i was in similar situation a few years ago. I bet you feel like just bolting the door turning off home phone and mobile and leaving them all to it. I am sorry. i do hope it gets better for you

Thanks. I really do. I'm finding it generally hard because I feel like I should be so grateful, but I just want peace and to not have to go along with everybody elses plans. I just feel so.. caged, where someone will come along and visit whenever they please, even if I'm trying to take a private dump. :rotfl:

bluestarlight

Sorry but I agree - you do sound really miserable. People are just trying to do something nice to please you and you moan about it because its not exactly what you want.
Enjoy the people who care about you because one day they will be gone.

Paddles

I completely sympathise. I need time alone too, although with the amount of kids we have and hubby being a househusband it is virtually unheard of and I do find it a struggle. That said it is not something I can change while it sounds like you might be able to.

Firstly I'm astounded at your sister suggesting you book time off around her. Perhaps you could try explaining you and OH don't get much time together so you've booked all of your leave around him, but you'd love to see her if she can make this date or that date. Even if not strictly true, it's more gentle than saying 'sod off you cheeky mare' which is what I'd say

For best friend, explain you don't have much time with hubby, you're tired, and you really need time alone and with hubby and you really want to spend time with her, but you need time to recharge your batteries first so perhaps you could have a standing two weekly /monthly get together. funnily enough was having this conversation with a friend who feels like you yesterday and she said she likes that we feel the same because she can tell me she doesn't want to without me being upset and vice versa. Perhaps if you explained everything to your friend you could get there?

Don't know what to say about your nan, how often do you visit her? I think just ignore any mutterings, and if you can't, invite mutterer round for dinner - hubby cooking

Anyway got to be worth trying to explain, otherwise don't answer your phones or door if you don't want to. Just because they're ringing doesn't make it convinientfor you

**professor~yaffle**

coinxoperated I think you should start a diary, one you keep on your computer and is password protected. You can say whatever you like in there about people. It is very cathartic! Everyone needs to have an outlet for their thoughts and feelings otherwise we'd go a bit crazy!

It sounds like things and people are getting to you. I kind of know how you feel, sometimes it takes up more energy to argue with them than it does to just smile and say 'yeah, ok' and you don't always have that surplus energy, especially when you have your own stuff to deal with.

coinxoperated

CH27 wrote: »

Is there anyone in your life that you actually like?

Oh! Loads and loads of people I like! I just don't like spending my entire afternoon with them. A couple of hours, a meal etc etc no problems. Its the fact that I know if I commit to a small thing, it'll actually always turn out to go on for considerably longer than planned. I have anxiety issues and a form of OCD where I need to plan and know whats coming. Others don't seem to realise how stressful actually keeping me somewhere longer than planned is. I literally feel trapped, get all hot and sweaty. I'm to 'nice' to say I need to leave, as they all usually use some sort of guilt trip and I end up either making an excuse to leave or whatever. Then I feel dreadful as if I have upset them as I don't want to be honest and say that actually, I just don't want to spend 4 hours of my day off sat watching TV with them. I'm all for helping and being there for my friends and family when they need me, I just feel that when I need them to leave me be, the pressure to visit and phone etc etc is intense.

I'm also not saying I'm not grateful that my OH is cooking dinner, I just feel annoyed that it will have taken nearly 6 hours. We had plans for this evening and thats been put to one side now because we are now waiting for dinner. As much as I appriciate his efforts, I wish he had just suggested a KFC. I love him to pieces, this is truely me just being annoyed at today. I show him my appriciation in many ways, I'm pretty sure he feels appriciated :rotfl:

coinxoperated

bluestarlight wrote: »

Sorry but I agree - you do sound really miserable. People are just trying to do something nice to please you and you moan about it because its not exactly what you want.
Enjoy the people who care about you because one day they will be gone.

I am! Well spotted!

trevor_john

I can't understand the downright hostility towards the OP. OK
she's having a moan...... so what???? She sounds as if and her partner work very hard, like a lot of people, and just would like some time to herself to relax. What's wrong with that??

I think we all feel a bit resentful and fed up towards other people at times.

I think the OP should just try to tactfully explain to the people involved that she really is tired and wants a little bit of valuable "me - time".

To call someone disgusting because they want a bit of a moan is bordering towards plain nastiness.

Also, to compare this post to another poor person who is trying to cope with cancer is wrong. It's so completely irrelevant.

Please people, try not to be so judgemental

thorsoak

coinxoperated wrote: »

I am! Well spotted!

So I am right!