Looking for the silver lining

Sun_Addict

Hello all and thanks for your lovely replies

Mr SA has had a PIC line fitted tonight. Nearly didn't see him at all as he had gone to have it fitted when I arrived and hadn't come back over an hour later. Yet more chemo tonight for him. Although he was awake he was strange tonight. Quite agitated - but I know steroids can cause this. He is also very confused. I hate to see him in this state and I wonder where the real him has gone - just hope he comes back.


So a middle of the road day today - not bad but not good either.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Just try to remember that on bad days you would give anything for a middle of the road day!

Hope you get a better day tomorrow though. Xx

PS, how are YOU?

Sun_Addict

Not bad Lucky - bearing up. Had a moment earlier today when I felt quite normal - sort of "forgot" for a minute - and then remembered the horror of it all and came back down to earth with a bump.

Hoping to get a better night's sleep tonight - last night I was up with dog 3 times with the runs in the early hours. Thankfully she has recovered now. Yawn.

Sun_Addict

Hello all

Friday is finances day so have been sorting things out as usual.

Minimum payment has gone off the Halifax card so balance is now £3428.32. To be tackled when Barclaycard is paid off.

Paid £24 off Barclaycard so this is now down to £746. Wanted to use my eBay proceeds for this but need it for my hair appointment tomorrow. I've overpaid by £976.83 since March on this so very pleased with the progress.

Added £4.13 to my VSP which now stands at £219.04.

Paid off my Tesco spending card.

That's the finances sorted now for Mr SA.....

ElphabaThropp

Just been reading through your diary and I'm thinking of you both. I hope you get some good news about Mr SA soon. xx

Sun_Addict

Thank you Elphaba

Mr SA not great tonight. To look at him you would think he's shot it. He says he feels like sh** and keeps feeling "funny". He was very tearful again and very wobbly. Nurse had to feed him at lunchtime as he can't do it but she said he ate it all. While I was there he messed himself and had to be changed and I can't describe the feeling of seeing my previously big strong man being cleaned up like a baby. It breaks my heart. His chemo finished today so I'm keeping everything crossed it has worked this time. Looking at him tonight I can't in all honesty see a way forward. Sorry I'm being pessimistic - these are my private thoughts - hopefully I'm wrong.

please-let-me-be-lucky

I hope you are wrong too, but I'm glad you were brave enough to verbalise your thoughts. It's good to have an outlet for them or they do more damage.

Big hugs as ever Xx

beanielou

Big huggles SA xxx

Dumyat

I hope you are wrong, but its only natural to think like that. These are the thoughts that are hard to share with the real world. I can only hope this diary you have here is helping. x

ElphabaThropp

I hope you're wrong too but like PLMBL says it's good you can let it out. This is your diary and you can say whatever you want here without judgement, we only want to help anyway we can.

When my friend had chemo she was at her worst just after it as it really takes it out of you. I'm praying things improve for Mr SA.

Big hugs to you both. xx