Daughter 11 wants to go on a Christian camp

Torry_Quine

If you feel that what this camp will be doing is inappropriate for your daughter then is ther an alternative that you would be more comfortable with for her?

Surprised at the comments about sex outside marriage as it is standard teaching in Christian youn people's groups for sex only to be within marriage. By the way marriage without parental consent is legal in Scotland.

suki1001

tea_lover wrote: »

I've been to soul survivor lots of times, from when I was about 14 to 18ish I went every year. Then I went again when I was about 22. (I'm 34 now, if anyone's interested lol)

I loved it, always had a great time and made lots of new friends. The only thing that would put me off now would be the camping! I'd go to spring harvest now - they have chalets

ETA: fwiw, I'm all in favour of gay marriage, I'm divorced, and I live with my partner (not married).

I daresay - it might be for some people, but when I think of the viewpoints of the adults that go to the church, I'm not sure it's something I'm completely comfortable. Clearly not everyone that goes is going to have the views of the people I know and yes some of them are divorced, one of the husbands has affairs and while they would say they weren't perfect, it's just very odd. I'm sure you aren't, but as a parent I just have to be careful. While I'm happy for my dd to explore her own views and beleifs, there is every potential she could be coerced into it. While it may not do people any harm to go, I feel uncomfortable at how it teaches what it does.

suki1001

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If you feel that what this camp will be doing is inappropriate for your daughter then is ther an alternative that you would be more comfortable with for her?

Surprised at the comments about sex outside marriage as it is standard teaching in Christian youn people's groups for sex only to be within marriage. By the way marriage without parental consent is legal in Scotland.

Yes I do think there will be an alternative. She's not into girls brigade or brownies though which kind of cuts it down a bit so I'm not sure yet. I would like to offer her something and would prefer there was something that wasn't quite as full on.

I think the concern on sex and marriage is that some of these people seem to get married very, very young - I think my oh was questioning the reason behind it. Everyone I know who got married later and goes to this church admits to losing their way somewhat during their teenage years and becoming promiscuous.

In fact the vicar actually told me he had discussed the sex life of a girl with her because she'd had a one night stand when she was 16. It was to encourage her back on the straight and narrow. It seemed incredibly inappropriate for him to be discussing this with her and he instigated it I think because of rumours he'd heard. Gosh the more I think about it.

sweaty_betty

TeresaO wrote: »

Hi,

When I started reading this thread I was a little bemused. Many of the Christian camps I've been involved with are much more about social and emotion growing, lots of physical activities, trips out, time to chill and make friends. Yes the religious bits are there too but when you look at the proportion of the day devoted to this, it is quite small. I would send my child to such a camp.

Then I read it was SS. Now I have never been. But know lots who have, it is quite intense. While there are workshops to take part in it's all on site, no trips off site. I'm not sure how a non- church goer would find it and dare I say it, side with your DH.

I'm in agreement with this. In my experience, many church youth camps are balanced God/fun, SS is a completely different thing.

OP - I have much sympathy for you. I consider myself to be a very liberal christian and would hate to be thought of as someone who is against gay marriage, divorce, etc etc. I want to bring up my LO in a church because I feel I really benefited from it, but most of the churches with lots of young people are those who go to SS and other such places which is just too evangelical (and, to me, a bit crazy) for my liking. FWIW I also found the alpha course to be unhelpful.

The only problem I worry that you'd face is causing her to feel left out of things if the whole of the rest of the group went and she didn't - while this isn't a reason to let her go, it's important that you sit down with her and explain your reasons, if that's what you decide.

sweaty_betty

suki1001 wrote: »

Yes I do think there will be an alternative. She's not into girls brigade or brownies though which kind of cuts it down a bit so I'm not sure yet. I would like to offer her something and would prefer there was something that wasn't quite as full on.

Many years ago I went to CYFA camps, which I believe have now turned into this:
http://www.ventures.org.uk/parents-stuff/introducing-vfc

If you want to investigate alternatives this might be worth looking into (but please take into account that my experience was 20 years ago... )

Torry_Quine

suki1001 wrote: »

Yes I do think there will be an alternative. She's not into girls brigade or brownies though which kind of cuts it down a bit so I'm not sure yet. I would like to offer her something and would prefer there was something that wasn't quite as full on.

I think the concern on sex and marriage is that some of these people seem to get married very, very young - I think my oh was questioning the reason behind it. Everyone I know who got married later and goes to this church admits to losing their way somewhat during their teenage years and becoming promiscuous.

In fact the vicar actually told me he had discussed the sex life of a girl with her because she'd had a one night stand when she was 16. It was to encourage her back on the straight and narrow. It seemed incredibly inappropriate for him to be discussing this with her and he instigated it I think because of rumours he'd heard. Gosh the more I think about it.

Christians do tend to get married earlier that's very true. In my church there are many single women in there twenties and thirties upwards. However the couples getting married tend to be in their mid twenties so not what I'd think of as young to marry.

The fact that there are people in the church who were promiscous when young and lost there way (as you said) just shows that Christians make mistakes just like everyone else.

That pastor was very wrong to bring that up with a young girl that she'd had sex especially as such things should always be discussed with someone of the same gender. :eek: That's what youth leaders are for.

I hope that you find something more suited for your daughter.

kaya

With the amount of peadophiles associated with the church I know what I would say

suki1001

Well - that went down like a lead balloon. Spoke to dd and she's really upset, says she'd be okay going and is now crying in her room upstairs. I tried to explain my concerns and I'm now the worst parent in the world - or at least that's what it feels like

Torry_Quine

suki1001 wrote: »

Well - that went down like a lead balloon. Spoke to dd and she's really upset, says she'd be okay going and is now crying in her room upstairs. I tried to explain my concerns and I'm now the worst parent in the world - or at least that's what it feels like

Do you know any of the parents of other children who would be going?

suki1001

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Do you know any of the parents of other children who would be going?

No, I know people with younger children at the church, but I just don't think I'd trust their opinions anyway - if a child is converted, that's something they'd be pleased about anyway right?