Daughter 11 wants to go on a Christian camp

Dunroamin

claire16c wrote: »

One of my friends went on one of these in the 6th form mainly because she fancied a boy who was going. She came back as a very happy clappy totally different person who went from being a close friend of ours who probably went to church once a year at Christmas to someone joining the CU at uni & doing all kinds of religious stuff out of no where (not bad things but it was like she had a personality transplant) but the worst was she practically stopped talking to anyone who wasn't in her new religious circle.

I dread to think what went on in that week & I always feel sad that we sort of 'lost' her. So based on that experience I would not send my child to the one she went on!

Maybe if it was a more c of e type thing that wasn't as full on I would let them.

Was that necessarily a bad thing - did she have other friends - did she do well at school?

Treevo

suki1001 wrote: »

Thanks for everyone's replies.

The concern of my oh is the church is quite evangelistic - talk in tongues etc (they always have though), but not everyone is like that.

The camp is called Soul Survivor - so I think it's a bit like this spring harvest, which means I'm not sure it's like some of the ones others have described. My oh took one look at their website and freaked.

Treevo - you raise some valid points. My dd has just learnt the joy of finding friends at secondary school after having a thoroughly miserable time at primary school. I'm in two minds about how influenced she could be, but then her other friends at school don't go to this church group. I do know she got a lot of flack at school for sticking up for a girl who was being bullied - a teacher told me about it - she stuck to her guns though, so maybe she's not quite as influenced as she might have been in the past.

I'm wondering if it is like the ones my other friends used to go to.

Another point is I did go to an Alpha course run by them years ago- I did go to church for a little while, but haven't for a long time. My oh went to one of their first sessions and thought they were incredibly manipulative, so he thinks they will be the same towards her. He can cope with her once a week youth group, but not with the thought of a week.

I've just had a look at their website, and a search for a few reviews and I think you should have a read and then keep your daughter away from such people. The man who leads it is bagging about the number of children that he's converted!

suki1001

duchy wrote: »

If your DD wanted to go away for a week on say a PGL holiday would her Dad also find "reasons" for her not to go ? Some Dads do find this age a bit of a struggle as their little girls are becoming independent young women ? Maybe suggest it as an alternative and see how he reacts ?

If your daughter attends Christian social groups then it is inevitable she's going to make Christian friends and want to do stuff with them -and if you make the camp "forbidden fruit" you may make it all the more attractive. Yes if you let her go she may come back deciding she wants to become a Christian (I also don't see the problem with this - with the pressures put on our young people -I see a bit of positive peer pressure to be a good counter balance). Whether at that age it'll last any longer than any other teenage interest is another matter.
My son's father also had an irrational dislike of churches .....yet was happy our son had the advantages of an excellent CofE primary school and Christian friends . I feel if you are giving your kids the chance to choose then you need to give them the chance to explore too. Churches can change quite a lot if the leaders change -why not go for a Sunday or two and see what kind of vibe you get from this particular church now ?

No, he's happy for her to go on other stuff. She's been away for a week with the school and if she'd have got a place on the school trip this year she would have gone to Spain.

I actually think if it was your more traditional type of CoE church he probably wouldn't be quite so bothered, but this one is more Evangelical and is more the type to try and convert people, I think he was concerned at quite how manipulative they are.

I'm wondering if this particular group maybe aren't like your usual camp.

suki1001

Treevo wrote: »

I've just had a look at their website, and a search for a few reviews and I think you should have a read and then keep your daughter away from such people. The man who leads it is bagging about the number of children that he's converted!

I must admit, there are a few alarm bells going off in my head. However, having not been to any camps before I have none to compare, just that I know people who enjoyed them - I thought they were all the same.

Was it you who mentioned about the woodcraft folk - there is one nearish to us, but it's about a 20min drive away.

suki1001

duchy wrote: »

why not go for a Sunday or two and see what kind of vibe you get from this particular church now ?

That's the thing - I did go for a bit and it's still the same people. There were things I wasn't keen on, but then that's usually down to a specific person. However, I was happy for my dd to make up her own mind.

She does enjoy the youth group and I like the way it wasn't like girls brigade and the youth leaders are quite young and vibrant. With girls brigade that she tried, it was more regimented and my dd wasn't keen. They made me join in dodgeball the last time - I was rubbish at it.

TeresaO

Hi,

When I started reading this thread I was a little bemused. Many of the Christian camps I've been involved with are much more about social and emotion growing, lots of physical activities, trips out, time to chill and make friends. Yes the religious bits are there too but when you look at the proportion of the day devoted to this, it is quite small. I would send my child to such a camp.

Then I read it was SS. Now I have never been. But know lots who have, it is quite intense. While there are workshops to take part in it's all on site, no trips off site. I'm not sure how a non- church goer would find it and dare I say it, side with your DH.

Having said all that. My DS is going to SS this summer, he is 14, quite mature in his opinions and outlook. I know he'll come home with questions and I'm sure that some of it will be far too 'happy clappy' for him. DS has been brought up in a Christian home, attends Church since he was born. At 11 I would not have sent him to SS. I did send him on an activity camp (Christian) that he really enjoyed.

Not sure I have helped, T

claire16c

Ah. That's the one my friend went to! Knowing that if I was you I would choose somewhere else for her to go!

suki1001

TeresaO wrote: »

Hi,

When I started reading this thread I was a little bemused. Many of the Christian camps I've been involved with are much more about social and emotion growing, lots of physical activities, trips out, time to chill and make friends. Yes the religious bits are there too but when you look at the proportion of the day devoted to this, it is quite small. I would send my child to such a camp.

Then I read it was SS. Now I have never been. But know lots who have, it is quite intense. While there are workshops to take part in it's all on site, no trips off site. I'm not sure how a non- church goer would find it and dare I say it, side with your DH.

Having said all that. My DS is going to SS this summer, he is 14, quite mature in his opinions and outlook. I know he'll come home with questions and I'm sure that some of it will be far too 'happy clappy' for him. DS has been brought up in a Christian home, attends Church since he was born. At 11 I would not have sent him to SS. I did send him on an activity camp (Christian) that he really enjoyed.

Not sure I have helped, T

Thanks, that's a big help. My dh is going to put his side on in a minute.

We've discussed it this morning and I think maybe it is this specific arm of the church he has a problem with. If it were a different CoE church I'm sure he'd feel a bit more relaxed about it. I think we might have to compromise on this one and see if we can find an alternative thing she can do. I wonder if she's aware of how intense it will be?

claire16c

Dunroamin wrote: »

Was that necessarily a bad thing - did she have other friends - did she do well at school?

It's not necessarily bad for her but in my opinion she turned into quite a selfish inconsiderate person whose entire world sort of started to revolve around this stuff. It's hard to describe but I just remember talking to one of our other joint friends at the time & she said maybe she was 'brainwashed' there because the change in 1 week was pretty crazy.

She always was a person who was fairly influenced by others but I don't think this influenced her in a good way. It was like a different person came home from the camp & we lost having her as a close friend.

duchy

To be fair at 16-18 a lot of friendship groups ebb and flow as people broaden their horizons and move on though. My best friend at fourteen was someone I felt friendly towards but no longer close by the age of 16/17 as we'd just gone in different directions in life and attitudes.