MSE Newborn to 1 year (& beyond!) baby club 2

Bamama

*hugs* it just sucks. I'm trying my best but I don't think he has a clue how hard it is sometimes.

He said to Dewi this morning "hurry up and stop feeding so daddy can have his boobies back." He didn't just mean this morning. I explained that they're still his but he doesn't like them being all milky.

delain

Bamama wrote: »

Dewi and I often do lunch with mummy friends as part of our day out. He's a happy chappy, if he grumps it's always solved by boobie anyway. I've only fed Dewi out of his sling in public once with OH. I dunno if he feels weird about it. He doesn't talk much...

His hobby is watching football. I don't mind watching local stuff but it's too cold to stand that long with Dewi.

Tbh I'm getting really frustrated with his attitude towards this whole thing. He's always on about me having a break, which I don't want or need. He doesn't seem that interested in being with me. We don't talk much and when we do he seems to get annoyed with me. He's happy to plonk Dewi in front of the tv which I just can't stand. It's the same with MIL, she goes on about seeing Dewi but when we're there she doesn't always seem like she's up for a cuddle and a play. It's a case of chucking the tv on and going out for a fag/coffee. She's even less interested in talking to me. I swear... sometimes I think I'd be better off on my own. At least I wouldn't have to clean up after OH...

When it's just me and Dewi, doing our thing, I am so happy! We have hard days don't get me wrong. Nothing has ever felt more natural to me though.

Sounds like he's feeling a bit pushed out bamama. Childish I know but men will be boys

When he keeps saying you 'need a break' he means 'i want some baby free time with you' but doesn't feel able to come out and say so.

The first few months with a baby can put huge strain on relationships, especially if you have different views on things.

Will he talk to you about how he's feeling? Also from experience he might be missing non baby related conversations... Try just chatting with him about the news or whatever! X

Edit; turtle beat me to it!

I'm now about halfway through the drawing of the three... Found the gunslinger quite hard going at first but am thoroughly addicted now

katiechoc_2

Ooh Delain I'm a big fan of the DT series too! I also struggled with the gunslinger, just couldn't get on with the style of the writing but the rest are amazing . I found the forewords and afterword sections really interesting too - just about how he wrote them and stuff, it took him 20+ years to get through them all I think!

Hugs Bamama, no advice really think Delain has said it best.

What's everyone to today? We're staying at fil's looking after
OH's half sister (she's 11). G (and therefore me) have been up since 5.20am, been out for a 45 minute walk and G is asleep in his pushchair in the hallway. Everyone else is still in bed! On the plus side I've raided fils cupboards and had a huge bucketful of coco pops for brekkie

Bamama

Nope. No talking about feelings. He "doesn't like to show weakness".

mrs_B_5

Bamama, just had a couple of thoughts about what you've said about how things are with your OH. I do agree that maybe what he means is that he'd like some time as just the 2 of you but doesn't want to say it, possibly because you're so into being a mummy (not a bad thing at all because I'm the same!) or because he's scared you might think he didn't want Dewi when actually it's not that, he just wants you to himself for a bit

Have you thought about having some 'fun' in the shower? That way he can get his boobies back & not worried about being covered in milk!

And if he is feeling a bit odd about you feeding in publc (which it's not by the way, I'm all for it), or maybe feeling a bit pushed out whilst you feed him because you concentrate completely on Dewi (I know I have a knack of getting completely drawn into George when I'm feeling him & losing all awareness of what's going on around me!), have you thought about using a bottle? We do the occasional bottle of EBM just so OH can feel involved mainly (you should see him when he feeds, so amazed by it & totally lost in a 'George bubble') or so he doesn't need to worry about you feeding in public. It might be a bit of work if he's never had one before but George has never really struggled with the transition from boob to bottle & back again although one tip someone gave was to get someone else to give it the first few times so baby isn't confused by having the boob there but feeding from somewhere else!

Hope that helps & I've worded it ok!

delain

Tricky one that bamama... Can't say I've ever encountered that. My ex was a selfish butthole but had no problem talking about his feelings, it was the concept of other people having feelings he struggled with.

Yeah I've been enjoying the woman who's two people! X

Bamama

Dewi has had bottles from OH. I find that he gets a smug look that rubs me up the wrong way. The first time we tried, I really wasn't ready. OH kept saying it'd be fine cause I was using shields anyway. Which didn't help my feelings of failure at latching him without shields. He's always portrayed a bottle as a way of being able to leave Dewi. I'd really rather have time with the three of us.

I think I've got some real issues with abandonment. I didn't feel like he was there for much of the labour and I spent a lot of time alone in hospital.

turtlemoose

Bamama have you thought about asking for counselling via your surestart centre, health visitor or GP? It can be really beneficial, they will be able to refer you to someone to specifically talk about the labour birth etc and onwards - rather than a generic counsellor.

In hindsight I wish I had sought counselling ref my birth experience and the early days, as I still have the odd nightmare about it now, and even thinking about it either has me feeling sick and in a cold sweat, or furiously angry ....or both. But now im back to work soon so when would I find the time? I wish I had gone in the early days, I think it would have made a lot of things a lot easier.

It is incredibly hard when you disagree with your partner about parenting. I remember a night where Reuben was just crying and crying and crying. For hours. Nothing helped. I had done several hours of it alone, and asked OH for help. He held him for about 5 mins, told him to be quiet, sssh etc, then got angry, handed him back to me and said it was about time we just left him to cry and I was mollycoddling him. I said, would you leave SS to cry and ignore him? He said no. I said well he's 7 YEARS old, so why would you leave a 7 WEEK old. He shouted at me and said it wasn't the same, that I was twisting the situation, and it had nothing to do with SS. OH went downstairs and I continued to try to soothe R on my own. I hold a lot of resentment for situations that have happened like the one I have described.....however OH feels he did and said nothing wrong. We are at an impasse - both think the other is being unreasonable, there is no middle ground. It's bloody hard.

Aimless

Call me mean, but I wouldn't be faffing round expressing just to pander to someone's bruised ego, far too much like hard work! My other half didn't do any feeding till we weaned, and I don't think it made any difference to their relationship.

At the end of the day though, both your lives have changed, forever, and that is something he has to learn to deal with. It is difficult, but trying to continue as you were just doesn't work.

Aimless

And actually, now I've thought about it, I don't think my other half would ever push me into giving a bottle if he knew I was uncomfortable with it, he's just not like that.