MSE Newborn to 1 year (& beyond!) baby club 2

BadlyWrittenPoem

DayDreamBeliever wrote: »

Hi ladies, hope you're all well and enjoying the rare sunshine we're having!
I've got a bit of an 'issue' I hope someone can help with, it's a bit of an odd situation so please bear with me:

My middle brother and his wife lost their baby girl when his wife was 8 months pregnant, the cord had sadly got wrapped around her neck and tbf my brother hasn't ever been 'right' since. This happened on 4th December 2002 and they've gone on to have 3 boys since, in the mean time my eldest brother has had a son (already had a daughter) and my younger brother also has a son.
So, I got pregnant with a due date of 4th December, found out I was having a girl at my 20 week scan and since this point my brother has been 'weird'. I understood the significance of the date and also it was the first girl born in the family since what happened so didn't say anything about how he was freaking me out figuring it would get better but it's getting worse! Everytime I visit my mum he happens to be visiting (despite living over an hour away) and just stares at my lil lady the whole time, even to the point of literally following me round the house as I'm carrying her, he messages me every single day asking for updates/pictures via text or facebook which I ignore more often then not now and now his wife (who I haven't spoken a word to or seen in over 8 years!) Has started messaging me about how I'm upsetting him by not keeping him 'up-to-date' and I'm selfish because he just cares etc.
I've asked my mum to stop telling him when I'm coming as I don't feel like i can relax at all when he's around and now she's gone off on one about me being selfish too - am I really being out of order? My bf doesn't like the feeling or vibe there is when my brother is around her so I know its not just me but getting hassle off my mum has made me really cross! argh, sorry I needed to vent.

I haven't got time to write a proper reply now but I lost a little girl at five months pregnant so I'll have a think and write some thoughts later in case they are helpful. I don't think you are out of order to not want him to be so intrusive into your life but at the same time, it is obviously not straightforward to deal with due to the underlying cause.

Gillyx

Hi Lola :j congratulations again We're all good here, was back visiting my folks for 2 weeks so just trying to get back to normality and struggling miserably. Absolutely no motivation whatsoever to do anything, although we have moved A into his own room, or rather we've moved out! So house is in a gudle because of that

martafdz

Lola, I got my positive pregnancy test on April's fool last year, I waited until after 12 to tell my DH just in case he thought I was joking, lol.

sunshine_1988

Hi all

Hope we are all well. Still struggling with molars here its really playing about with his sleep too.

Tried our best to wear him out today in the hope he may sleep through. We did soft play centre, lunch out and swimming, I am shattered so hopefully he is too!!

Will read back later as know I have missed lots xxx

dizziblonde

Two and a half hours of fighting to get Erin to sleep - if it's those teeth - wish they'd hurry up and cut through (you can feel them but not see them - not that she'll let you look in her gob) - she was screaming like crazy, then almost dropping off and remembering they hurt, and back to screaming.

Oh and the neighbours are having a noisy barbecue out back under her window... in the rain. Then the dog's sick and very subdued... the cat's thrown up as well plus factor in Robyn who always struggles to settle... not fun.

Dreading hubby going back to work on Monday if these teeth are still causing this level of bother.

Sammie_03

sunshine_1988 wrote: »

Hi all

Hope we are all well. Still struggling with molars here its really playing about with his sleep too.

Tried our best to wear him out today in the hope he may sleep through. We did soft play centre, lunch out and swimming, I am shattered so hopefully he is too!!

Will read back later as know I have missed lots xxx

Oh wow you've all had a busy day

I've been sorting out my photos today, it's crazy looking back at when the boys were Noah's age. They grow up so quick.

I'm really hoping Noah sleeps all night as we have been up since 5.30 again.

BadlyWrittenPoem

DayDreamBeliever wrote: »

Hi ladies, hope you're all well and enjoying the rare sunshine we're having!
I've got a bit of an 'issue' I hope someone can help with, it's a bit of an odd situation so please bear with me:

My middle brother and his wife lost their baby girl when his wife was 8 months pregnant, the cord had sadly got wrapped around her neck and tbf my brother hasn't ever been 'right' since. This happened on 4th December 2002 and they've gone on to have 3 boys since, in the mean time my eldest brother has had a son (already had a daughter) and my younger brother also has a son.
So, I got pregnant with a due date of 4th December, found out I was having a girl at my 20 week scan and since this point my brother has been 'weird'. I understood the significance of the date and also it was the first girl born in the family since what happened so didn't say anything about how he was freaking me out figuring it would get better but it's getting worse! Everytime I visit my mum he happens to be visiting (despite living over an hour away) and just stares at my lil lady the whole time, even to the point of literally following me round the house as I'm carrying her, he messages me every single day asking for updates/pictures via text or facebook which I ignore more often then not now and now his wife (who I haven't spoken a word to or seen in over 8 years!) Has started messaging me about how I'm upsetting him by not keeping him 'up-to-date' and I'm selfish because he just cares etc.
I've asked my mum to stop telling him when I'm coming as I don't feel like i can relax at all when he's around and now she's gone off on one about me being selfish too - am I really being out of order? My bf doesn't like the feeling or vibe there is when my brother is around her so I know its not just me but getting hassle off my mum has made me really cross! argh, sorry I needed to vent.

Okay, obviously I am not your brother so I can't speak for him but I'll put down a few thoughts about things that affect my feelings about other people's babies in case it's helpful.

Personally I am more of an avoid babies that remind me kind of person but I know that some people are the opposite. The more similarities there are between a baby/child and the one I lost, the more I identify them with my child (and in my case, the more difficult I find it to spend time with them but it sounds like your brother is the opposite). So things like, baby being born/due at the same time of year, the same age mine would have been, similar age gap or birth position in relation to siblings, same gender are all factors which will determine how I am affected and the greater the number of similarities the harder it is. It sounds like you have a number of similarities including dates, gender, first child, second grandaughter for you mum and also you are someone closely connected with your brother (I am less affected by aquaintances having babies than friends). Also, although another child can never replace the child you have lost, I think the fact that your brother hasn't had another daughter probably makes a difference - I know that for me the fact that my next child was another girl has definitely helped in terms of being able to cope with other people's babies.

I also have found that most other people do not talk about my baby who died and from what I can gather it is common to want your baby to be acknowledged by other people. I don't know what your relationship with your brother is like or how easy it would be for you to do but I would suggest that acknowledging the similarities between your daughter and the daughter he lost might be helpful. I'm not suggesting necessarily some sit down formal discussion (unless you think that is appropriate) - it could just be odd passing comments or questions such as, "Does seeing [your daughter] make you think about [his daughter] and what she would have been like?" or, "It must have felt strange with [your daughter] having 4th December as her due date." (Obviously I'm not suggesting you use those specific examples - I'm just trying to illustrate the type of thing that might be useful in acknowledging the similarities and talking about it and about his loss and how it has affected him.)

I don't know whether any of that is useful in anyway but hopefully some of it might be a little.

delain

Hello ladies :hello:

Welcome spider :wave:

DDB Hope you can get sorted with your brother. My mum also tends to attach huge significance to such things, is still sore about my cousin (now 23) being due at the same time as a baby she never had thought for different reasons... After hearing it for years on end is exhausting!

Turtle let me know your username if you want a new opponent

Busy day today... We went to lidl which was fatal. £60 later we got home :rotfl:


Bubba here is 15 months, anyone else still losing their hair?! Mine seems to be coming out all over the place still... I cant remember how long it lasted with my older ones.

Sammie_03

Delain - my hair is still falling out. if I brush it over the sink in the bathroom I can see hair everywhere. My hair was in really good condition when I was pregnant but now it's really flat and looks oily really quick.

sunshine_1988

Sammie_03 wrote: »

Oh wow you've all had a busy day

I've been sorting out my photos today, it's crazy looking back at when the boys were Noah's age. They grow up so quick.

I'm really hoping Noah sleeps all night as we have been up since 5.30 again.

Hey Sammie

I love looking back at photos....so lovely.

Fingers crossed for a good nights sleep xx