Buffy takes babysteps.

Sun_Addict

Oh Buffy so so sorry to hear this. Please don't feel guilty you did your best to give her a fighting chance. Why is it some people have to go through so much carp? Is there something in the air at the moment or were we Genghis Khan or similar in a former life?

Massive hugs from me xx

Northern_Lassy

Oh Buffy, hugs and love to you, so sad x You are seriously overdue a big dollop of good luck and love and happiness, if I could package some up and send it your way I would do it in a heartbeat x Take care lovely xxx

beanielou

So sorry to hear this dearest Buffy.
Keep plodding xxxx

elantan

Buffy can only echo what everyone else has said, I feel heart sorry for you, you did your best for the Gp but sadly it wasn't to be, take care xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Oh Sun Addict you must think I am nuts!

Hope today is a 100 times better for you guys and the hospital give you some answers. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Here I am being paranoid about the remaining pigs so they are all going to the vets on Saturday for a check up.

I have blocked the man, his messages make no sense really. He isn't the man I dated for 8 months. He really isn't. He is either a sick twisted freak or just profoundly stupid/massively insecure??? really I am 50/50 at the moment! I need to take control, I don't want to be thinking why isn't he messaging is he online so he has gone from my online world.


This period of time was going to be SO DIFFERENT. I was spending most of this month with the man and being happy. And now I am utterly skint, miserable and missing him so much it is painful.

I still feel in shock. And losing my darling girl is just feels so unfair.

Even when you try keep things straightforward they get complicated. I need time which I don't have. Dissertation research anyone!?

I must drag myself out of this.

I must.

xxx

taxi73

So sorry to hear about your GP and all the other stuff going on.Hope things start looking up for you real soon x

Pooky

Only just seen your news - how dreadful for you. Huge hugs x

I was looking out for an update on FB but nothing came up in my news feed - ruddy site it seems to censor out anything that I want to read and just gives me naff updates on "how to lose belly fat" - I think it's trying to tell me something!

Chin up and hope you can come to some peace over this.

Buffythedebtslayer

Thanks guys,

It does feel a bit silly getting so upset but I think there have been so many changes lately and I am just not coping with them. Other stuff has been happening -my best friend isn't talking to me and Mum and I have had some difficult conversations about money and the family - things are not difficult between us which is good but at some point there will be more family stuff.

Leaving work is hitting hard now. One of the kids got upset about Sports Day Friday and I just realised how much I am going to miss and how much I am going to miss them. I stayed because they are so good and I hate my head for making it so awful there. The children suffer in the end. They don't know it or neither do the parents but the staff turnover makes a huge difference to their security and I think success.

Have to tell the kids soon. And yes they will be fine and get over it but I don't think I will find it very easy. over ten years.

Started really well with the de cluttering at the weekend but the death of my gp meant that went a little out of the window.

had a nice night out last night. missed the man tho.

I should be renamed " in a state of flux"

I know change needs to happen. Life can't stay like this. But I am aware I am running out of time to finish work, do my research. sort out school stuff.

shouldn't be sitting here like this.

need to make some decisions.






Financially too, it is having a BIG impact. The vet bill came to over 500 pounds. need to do some moving of cash.

Buffythedebtslayer

So.......sat for nearly an hour. Pondering

Pondering is my new favourite word.

These changes are happening. That is the thing with change. It happens whether we like it or not.

The changes I am experiencing now are an opportunity for me. Possibly real genuine positive life changing things.

As much as I love the man and I do, our relationship was never going to be long term for reasons I won't go into on here. Yes I would have preferred to have him around for much much longer and think what he did was wrong. However he thinks better sooner rather than later. And what's done is done. It would have been worse at Christmas for example.

I just feel like I don't have anything to hold on to. He has gone, my job has gone, one of my work friends has stabbed me in the back my best friend isn't talking to me.

Now this is ridiculous.

I can fix stuff with my best friend.

I also have many good friends - in that way I am blessed.

I know logically the job would have killed me so it is a good thing that I am going. Finally!

Also the new job, it will invigorate me remind me.

At the core of this is the panic about work -m finishing my research and getting all my marking done in time.

So it is time for a Buffy plan and a few lists.............

plus hunt up the diary. A plan will make me feel less all over the place. A nice notepad from my supplies!

Take care all

Will be back with the outline - may bore the tits off you all if I actually posted the details

The work friend - well I always wondered and now I know.

elantan

I am so very looking forward to the next post ... Your getting your head in the game honey ... The change is smacking us in the face like a sledge hammer cracking a nut

Well done, very proud of you and happy for you xxx